A routine that I get trapped in occasionally is that I must be prepared for a really catastrophic event, a nightmare of a situation, a lurking fear and dread. Of course this attracts a situation and may not cause it to happen but could sabotage one into taking action for the fear of causing it to happen.
A typical event may go like this; I am getting dressed and I am saying to myself I will wear my flip flops whilst typing on the computer----no put your shoes on you never know you might have to run out suddenly, their may be a fire in the building, putting on my shoes is warmer and I feel more secure and steady.
One of my family literally spend three or four minutes locking her front door to make sure its locked. I used to have power objects which I felt when I carried them in my pocket it would ward off an attack. I empowered the object to have an influence over me. I became a victim of my own fear and brain washing.
I learnt a great lesson with teaching children Judo in a deprived area of London many years back; these children were from abused and poverty stricken areas, I always had parents there for my safety in case I was accused of molesting.
One day as I came into the car park I noticed that they were resurfacing the tarmac, a lovely round stone caught my eye and idea came to me; I started the lesson with a circle not a Sensei in front looking at them. I asked if anyone wanted to say something, then I would explain the lesson. This time I held the stone in my hand tightly and they looked and said 'what's that Mr Geoff'. 'It is a power stone and if you think nice things sometimes it can help you feel better and sometimes a small gift can arrive'.
During the course of the one and half hour session they could not take their eyes of the stone I held. At the end we all sat down in a circle on the tatami(mat) and I passed it to the child beside me to the right and said make a simple not too grand a wish, they all exclaimed 'the stones hot' I said 'well I have been holding it tightly 'How did you get the stone? Well I got it in my travels from a wise man'. The last child gave it to me and I said no put in the center and we can go into the breathing and meditation.
The next week they came back There were minor 'gifts' and they were very impressed and asked if they could have a stone of the same kind. I shared with them that the stone I found was in the car park, they felt let down, but I said it was your mind that believed the stone did the work, so you can use your mind to do good things and be helpful and so on. There was a major shift in their behaviour and parents did the 'mind stuff' as well. The local council closed us down as not contributing to society and there were no more funds available. There were protests and I was accused of being a trouble maker and unchristian.
Even though I learnt from these children the power of the mind, still stuff sticks and the awareness gets dragged into these routines of 'do this, be prepared, put on your shoes, carry a torch you never may know when you might need it, watch it'.
I used to fear coming into an empty house and shout and pretend I had back up company, keep the light on, don't walk under ladders, with my luck anything can happen and its never good. The number of patients I saw and the Forensic terror numbed my awareness at times even with all the workshops and meditation over many years.
It is in retirement I can reset the awareness as it were and let the accumulated debris of unwanted 'clothing and furniture of the mind seep out' and have no objects to give my power too, less rituals and disciplines with routines and where I ask does this lead too---nowhere in particular.
SHACK
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