MOTHER EARTH IS CONTINUALLY PREGNANT.
SHACK
Sunday 15 March 2020
SHACK 748 AFRAID
There was a quote I heard from a film just recently 'I spent the whole of my Life being afraid of Myself' and I realised that many people in my life and myself had either a background unease or very real tangible tension and anxiety of fear and uncertainty.
Even though I had that breakthrough so very early in the late 50's and that phrase given to me by my own Sensei through the Koan which pierced my brain so to speak and something dropped away, something tore away a mind set and I cannot even to this day say what left and what remained, for days I was in peace, joy, light and the words of Sensei 'you will never be the same, the world will not understand you or you it, it will seem strange and you will not fit in anywhere, now your troubles begin'. It now seems I am that Sensei to myself.
I was an apprentice electrician and I had joined a firm that travelled in the UK fitting shops up and at home doing jobs and also then teaching Judo, Kendo and meditation, the jobbing electricians were
hard and unfaithful to their wives, the boss hard and unscrupulous and I was shocked and lived a lonely life with meditation and gym work away from home while they went womanising. The contrast between meditation and Judo and all sent confusion into me. I began to loose touch with that 'space' I had in the Koan experience.
I then became a full fledged electrician and joined the Metropolitan Police electromechanical maintenance team at the Met Police Collage in Hendon / Colindale where I lived in Hendon as well. The peace of the Collage was welcome and I got together with Gilly who became my partner and then I found forensics after moving to to the West End as a supervisor of Maintenance and eventually returning to Hendon and then to Forensics. I then had a few sabbaticals to Spain, Canada, Scotland and many excursions into religions, guru's, philosophy, TV and radio appearances, love affairs, an affair with an escort girl and academia and science, this is a rough synopsis of a very eventful life.
All through this was health problems with cancers or suspected cancers and scares of the lungs and prostate and miraculously they healed and was said to be spontaneous remissions. I noticed this background anxiety and indeed suffered panic attacks and was very sensitive to health issues bordering on hypochondria at times.
There was these seemingly endless contradictions which caused despair, confusion and a contrary 'adhesion' to what is reality? The world and experience of the joy, light, freedom of and in the space of the Koan and the joys of money, fleshly pursuits, material success which were enjoyable and the peer pressure to be material and all of that. For many years I did not meditate and then with health problems and the burn out from travelling weekends to Europe to present many workshops and the endless patients in healing and therapy, the cancers came and I retired from it all in 2000. I gradually began to meditate and realised how afraid I was, the background tension and my tired body and mind and I realised they were the same began to unwind, I realised I did not trust myself and indeed was afraid of myself, the auto responses, the programming, the conditioning were not me and yet they were and as I realised these programmes and agendas were not me I was appalled to see the grip and the habitual dictatorship they had on my life, I was living someone else's brain washed dictates, the fear was then 'who am I' and what identity did I have, where do I fit in without an identity and so on.
The fear was coming to the surface, my very existence was not real if I were a mere idea, a programme set by human religion, politics, medical procedures, wars, culture and of course wealth and money and position' a person of note, an authority. It was then I realised that the Koan had torn this whole wordily cacophony from my 'head brain space' I had to experience the world and its attributes and its ID cards, its compartmentalised hysteria of now facial recognition, AI, complete utter surveillance of every move and thought, social engineering, big huge brother, so THEY know everything about you and mold you into a robotic person so they feel safe from their paranoia and always know and predict and feel safe from any unpredictable circumstance, the ultimate insurance policy and safety zone.
In my own way I was always making sure I had my supplements, routines, disciplines, I was safe with the known procedures of my own agendas modified from my conditioning and brain washing and then smugly private and secretive thought I had peace in this ivory tower of the safety net of my own manufactured 'no Identity', but was it no identity?
Indeed not; this was the safety net of those above, I was the surveillance and AI, my own facial recognition as I looked in the mirror or my body for any weakness's or ageing, for any disturbing news or event. The ace fake news of manufacturing and an identity on a Zen empty mind, and so the fragile conditioning was RECOGNISED as fragile, thought minded put together programmes which were just the empty agendas and beliefs which were impermanent and this was the anxiety that my intuition felt they were unreal in the sense of their impermanence, their foundations were 'pie in the sky' and such could I trust these fragility's and so my false fake beliefs which over the years I had made solid by habit and therefore the known were and now seen as false, although at the time, unshakeable and on solid ground that made sense and backed up by many wise powerful people and so my reality was set, bound and accepted, until the cracks appeared and the Koan reared its head.
The fear was coming to the surface, my very existence was not real if I were a mere idea, a programme set by human religion, politics, medical procedures, wars, culture and of course wealth and money and position' a person of note, an authority. It was then I realised that the Koan had torn this whole wordily cacophony from my 'head brain space' I had to experience the world and its attributes and its ID cards, its compartmentalised hysteria of now facial recognition, AI, complete utter surveillance of every move and thought, social engineering, big huge brother, so THEY know everything about you and mold you into a robotic person so they feel safe from their paranoia and always know and predict and feel safe from any unpredictable circumstance, the ultimate insurance policy and safety zone.
In my own way I was always making sure I had my supplements, routines, disciplines, I was safe with the known procedures of my own agendas modified from my conditioning and brain washing and then smugly private and secretive thought I had peace in this ivory tower of the safety net of my own manufactured 'no Identity', but was it no identity?
Indeed not; this was the safety net of those above, I was the surveillance and AI, my own facial recognition as I looked in the mirror or my body for any weakness's or ageing, for any disturbing news or event. The ace fake news of manufacturing and an identity on a Zen empty mind, and so the fragile conditioning was RECOGNISED as fragile, thought minded put together programmes which were just the empty agendas and beliefs which were impermanent and this was the anxiety that my intuition felt they were unreal in the sense of their impermanence, their foundations were 'pie in the sky' and such could I trust these fragility's and so my false fake beliefs which over the years I had made solid by habit and therefore the known were and now seen as false, although at the time, unshakeable and on solid ground that made sense and backed up by many wise powerful people and so my reality was set, bound and accepted, until the cracks appeared and the Koan reared its head.
So where am I now, I don't know and that is seeming to be very OK for now.
SHACK
In the image at the top many of us can feel that we are being stalked by 'bad' luck just when all seems well, whack, the saboteur strikes, and maybe the saboteur has the 'job' of breaking down the surmised solid reality of ones beliefs which may have been not appropriate and now leave a space for whatever.(SHACK)
SHACK 747 PRIORITY
Make A Meme
What is the prime goal of my life?; is it too have been successful in having a wonderful career, to be famous and to have every accolade possible, to be a King, a CEO of a vast international global conglomerate, an adored sports personality or film star, a mega rich mafiosi, a super soldier or something tremendously admired in wordily terms or a simple peasant, a man of the fields and wildness's with a family and beautiful wife with sexual satisfaction and many children, a porn star having wild sexual experiences, an Astronaut roaming in the darkness of space in a rocket chair being a personal space craft indeed just like this flesh body in the space craft Earth, flying through endless space to an unknown destiny and surviving five mass extinctions, or is it to live healthily until one hundred and twenty years of age or even beyond and endless other fleshly fears and joys?
These now seem old pursuits, it seems like dreams that have come and gone and I am experiencing these as days gone by never to be retrieved and yet a tinge of regret and a sigh of relief that it dawns on me that perhaps the human journey is to find these things are impermanent and that rust and decay ending the disappearance of all that seemed so solid and everlasting and the horror and unease at realising that all this fades with the passage of time and time is measured by the durability and life of the form and in the end death swallows all, for some this is terrifying, others may find it fascinating or a relief from suffering, others may feel they are going home.
However for me at this moment in February 2020 I feel that I came to experience this beautiful Earth Mother Being and to realise that the Universe and all in it is impermanent, here today and gone tomorrow and that clinging to the notion of everything is permanent in its visible form to the human senses and even to mind constructs in dreams, fantasies and conjectures is fleeting, passing clouds, leafs that fall with Autumn and migrating birds and animals and I shall migrate to a realm which I feel but know not.
And maybe there is no other invisible realm and that all the above fades to oblivion and that there is no heaven or hell, reincarnation or any form of recycling and yet despite this I feel I came from the nowhere as it were and will return to the nowhere and as such I have no form or name or location and am the nameless invisible being and perhaps even that is an identity which is an appeal to find something to cling too forever and the forever is forever and plays the game of discovering that nothing is the goal and there is no goal and strangely enough this suffices-------be it now in February 2020 and what is February 2020 in the transit through endless space in the Cosmos?
SHACK
SHACK 746 QUESTIONS
ONE CAN MAKE MEANING
OUT OF ANYTHING
IT BECOMES BELIEF
IT SEEMS REAL
IS IT REAL, IS ANYTHING REAL, ITS ALL IN THE MIND
AND WHAT IS MIND?
SHACK
SHACK 745 ENDLESS
123RF. com.
This vast endless reservoir of endless possibilities and probabilities of every combination imaginable and unimaginable, the sheer wonder of it all.
Where is this fount, this unending wonder, this magic, this supply this everything and every conceivable and inconceivable manifestation of visible realms and dimensions and those yet to be discovered and experienced and who is the author of it all?
Is it a wonder in this incredible contemplation that the mind of humans can go into ecstasy, fantasy, overwhelm, upheaval even madness, suicidal tendencies, not to do away with life as it is and depression, but to set free the limitations and dive headlong into this realm of endless joy and revelation, a sort of longing to join eternal life and the freedom from fleshly pursuits.
A longing to be free of the human brain limitations and join the Cosmic Dance of endless delight of the Spirit.
SHACK
ASME
Sunday 1 March 2020
SHACK 744 THE ANSWER
 |
| Enlightenment Therapy. New York Times |
Japanese Rock Garden
I like the caption on the top image by the NYT because the raking around the garden in creating the patterns in the sand is an art and well worth researching it is a profound meditation in itself.
However one might try to find enlightenment which I feel is a misleading goal, it has a catch in it, one cannot find empty peace of mind by filling the mind with the goal of being empty. One might get a logical belief and convince oneself that the happy peaceful mind can be cultivated but this maybe just a 'mind affirmation and momentary buzzes of highs which might be beset by oscillations and yo yo between exaltation and depression.
No amount of mantra, yantra, affirmations, chanting, imagery, visualisations, meditations, hypnosis, drugs and so on will achieve that Satori, that Nirvana until the mind has given up and become empty of any solution, surrender and appeasement. It happens when 'something drops through the safety net, the trap door, the platform collapses and there it is absolutely nothing' this has been my experiences in the Ko Satori the minor glimpses.
The brain has tried every design in it's sand neurons so to speak, raked every angle and possibility and exhausted and either retreats to distraction, madness or suicide and lets go of everything in despair and perhaps the safety net fractures and the rent in the fabric of conditioning sets one off again in the pursuit of nothingness and one realises the fabric of conditioning is brain washing as set out in many earlier articles.
No amount of mantra, yantra, affirmations, chanting, imagery, visualisations, meditations, hypnosis, drugs and so on will achieve that Satori, that Nirvana until the mind has given up and become empty of any solution, surrender and appeasement. It happens when 'something drops through the safety net, the trap door, the platform collapses and there it is absolutely nothing' this has been my experiences in the Ko Satori the minor glimpses.
The brain has tried every design in it's sand neurons so to speak, raked every angle and possibility and exhausted and either retreats to distraction, madness or suicide and lets go of everything in despair and perhaps the safety net fractures and the rent in the fabric of conditioning sets one off again in the pursuit of nothingness and one realises the fabric of conditioning is brain washing as set out in many earlier articles.
SHACK
SHACK 740 YOUR NOT ALONE?
IT IS DEAD AND YET ALIVE
IT NEGATIVE AND YET POSITIVE
IT HAS NO BODY AND YET IT IS THERE
NO ONE CAN SEE IT AND YET FEEL IT
IT HAS NO POLARITY AND YET IT IS DUAL
NO ONE CAN TOUCH IT YET ONE CAN FEEL IT
IT IS INVISIBLE YET ONE SEE IT
THERE IS NOTHING YET IT IS EVERYTHING
IT IS POTENTIAL
AND WHAT IS THAT?
SHACK
SHACK 743 LIVE LIGHT
Looking through the window at the trees in the garden I was in awe at the glow and brilliance of the depth of colour at the light essence. I had a similar experience in SHACK 567 Saturday 2nd.March 2019 when in bed.
Today's experience was at a Full Moon which was at 07.33 yet the actual experience was at 08.45 till about 09.00 and awake and in a chair in the bedroom where I was preparing for meditation.
There was a light field, this is the only near description I can get, as if I was immersed in a sea of light with everything else and everything gave of 'dreylas' which I have described elsewhere as pin pricks of dancing light which 'prickle' dance and emanate, arise, come forth, emerge from the essence of nowhere -ness, the void, the matrix and womb of creation, that mysterious light the womb of empty creation before it emerges in vibratory ripples of energy and particles to atoms and form. These 'dreylas' seem to form a 'field a sheet of glowing soft incandescence ' as if the whole of the forms were imprinted and yet in 3D as if the dreylas were joined into the flow of light as a background and foreground and a sea which all was contained and yet separate.
My eyes seemed and felt light and bright as if they had not any physical form and were just gushing out streams and rivers of light, I had the impression that my clothes were porous and the pores of my skin were issuing forth light and my cells were emanating soft glowing biophotons and behind all this as it were was the feeling of a pulsating wave or energy which contained waves of frequencies which were the blueprints and the magnetic imprints of form in its apparent solid-ness.
The very grass and earth gave off this effervescence and the sky with overcast rainy forecast gave forth this scenario and cameo, this to me is Cosmic Magic, a genius artist at work and delighting all and sundry, everything was so alive, joyful, happy, free and strangely quiet and unemotional, there was passion yet it was of a kind not of earth, it had no lust or any intent it was as it was and is a statement without meaning and this was a beauty of comprehension beyond the senses or mind that to me no mortal can describe in words it is simply divine.
This confirms to me in my obdurate, obstinate unyielding frame of mind moulded by years of listening to others opinions instead of investigating them and realising later on I had 'bought the ticket' and got on the train on fixed tracks until I realised the conditioning and programming that had brain washed me into others paradigms and beliefs, not that I blame them for it was this process they and theirs generations before them had been through and still are in many different cultures and countries that has become an agreed 'false' reality and in which many lost their lives for in vein had they realised the truth of brain washing and tribal loyalty, yes loyalty to be human, loving, kind, compassionate to the human family and the inhabitants of nature and not compartmental to certain sectors.
This again speaks to me of being a light being in essence temporarily clothed in a flesh ornament.
Today's experience was at a Full Moon which was at 07.33 yet the actual experience was at 08.45 till about 09.00 and awake and in a chair in the bedroom where I was preparing for meditation.
There was a light field, this is the only near description I can get, as if I was immersed in a sea of light with everything else and everything gave of 'dreylas' which I have described elsewhere as pin pricks of dancing light which 'prickle' dance and emanate, arise, come forth, emerge from the essence of nowhere -ness, the void, the matrix and womb of creation, that mysterious light the womb of empty creation before it emerges in vibratory ripples of energy and particles to atoms and form. These 'dreylas' seem to form a 'field a sheet of glowing soft incandescence ' as if the whole of the forms were imprinted and yet in 3D as if the dreylas were joined into the flow of light as a background and foreground and a sea which all was contained and yet separate.
My eyes seemed and felt light and bright as if they had not any physical form and were just gushing out streams and rivers of light, I had the impression that my clothes were porous and the pores of my skin were issuing forth light and my cells were emanating soft glowing biophotons and behind all this as it were was the feeling of a pulsating wave or energy which contained waves of frequencies which were the blueprints and the magnetic imprints of form in its apparent solid-ness.
The very grass and earth gave off this effervescence and the sky with overcast rainy forecast gave forth this scenario and cameo, this to me is Cosmic Magic, a genius artist at work and delighting all and sundry, everything was so alive, joyful, happy, free and strangely quiet and unemotional, there was passion yet it was of a kind not of earth, it had no lust or any intent it was as it was and is a statement without meaning and this was a beauty of comprehension beyond the senses or mind that to me no mortal can describe in words it is simply divine.
This confirms to me in my obdurate, obstinate unyielding frame of mind moulded by years of listening to others opinions instead of investigating them and realising later on I had 'bought the ticket' and got on the train on fixed tracks until I realised the conditioning and programming that had brain washed me into others paradigms and beliefs, not that I blame them for it was this process they and theirs generations before them had been through and still are in many different cultures and countries that has become an agreed 'false' reality and in which many lost their lives for in vein had they realised the truth of brain washing and tribal loyalty, yes loyalty to be human, loving, kind, compassionate to the human family and the inhabitants of nature and not compartmental to certain sectors.
This again speaks to me of being a light being in essence temporarily clothed in a flesh ornament.
SHACK
In the image above the child delights, giggles and eyes open wide laughs and that is the wonder of the open wide empty mind---its a pity conditioning spoils this naked simplicity ---although maybe one has to go through it to relinquish it and become a child again--I thank the Essence for allowing me glimpses of who and what I really am. (SHACK)
SHACK 739 PURPOSE
So often I have heard said 'what is my purpose in Life' is it just to have a family, get married, fulfill a biological need, be successful in some way or another, be famous, become a celebrity in whatever field there is to fulfill?
Perhaps even when fulfilled in whatever endeavour one has chosen or even failed to be fulfilled and then perhaps the challenge to try and try again here, may still be, so whats next. Some have achieved the pinnacle of their dreams and then have a nagging doubt; I will die, yes I am fulfilled and die satisfied I have achieved my materialistic dreams, there is no God or afterlife so I go reconciled. On the other hand some may wonder is there something more another hobby, dream I can pursue? They may realise if they look at history, study the origins of the world and life, is there not more to it than just materialistic hoarding, yet the lure of materialism and its hedonistic delights may just stop further investigation.
Then comes the nagging question if all of materialism is temporary, a kind of virtual human set of agreements passed down over the ages what has been the purpose, it may seem shallow as say the origins of life and the Universe?
One then can become depressed and say 'all my endeavours have been instilled in me by agreements of my ancestors and I could have been any religion, culture and anything and anybody, is this my agreement, have I thought this through, who am I without the beliefs that have been instilled in me, are they me or someone else's hand me downs, indeed is there a purpose in human egoistic brain washing only to feel safe in the tribe and religion, cultural uniformity, political ethos and peer acceptance?
On close examination and being courageous, fearless to face the truth of oneself, one may find that I am not who I thought I was, I am someones else's ideas, customs, speech and follow like a sheep, ah yes one says, I am unique and think for myself, no one tells me what to do or think-----really at an honest review and an impartial put aside of one's beliefs and on scrutiny it may dawn on one--I am not the person I thought I was, I am a clone of ideas and so on.
This can lead one to feel lonely, isolated, frightened, depressed and one is then seeking a new identity, somewhere to belong, another religion, tribe, culture and then the realisation that they are just the as the one that one is leaving. Maybe there is a honeymoon period in a new way and then the same old feeling of frustration enters the new led life.
One may seek to drown one's lack of purpose and emptiness of disbelief and regret and not having 'seen through this ruse' earlier, the wasted years and endeavours and now seemingly bereft, no identity that is satisfying, no seeming purpose, oh my what have I done, I am up the creek without a boat or paddle?
Then one can wonder does the Universe, God or whatever have a purpose? Or did the big bang be a purposeless ruse as well, did God just have a joke on his creation? For me I started to look into reality and the shock of the empty atom, the observer effect in particle physics and before that when very young in meditation going beyond the thinking mind with Sensei's Koan and my Minor Satori and being told and realised 'you will never be the same again, you will never fit in anywhere and you are young and will be tested by the world' then realising that the years that followed, football, electrics, forensics, physics, relationships, religion, travel, presenting workshops, healing's, clinics and patients, off grid in Spain, Scotland and Canada, retirement ET UFO and NASA, all were temporary all were just an attempt to 'be somebody and hang my hat on the hook and have an identity, a PH.D of knowledge that faded with time and new discoveries made that degree redundant and unless research was continued, so what was the purpose in identity if it faded with senility, death and perhaps a void, a place of non existence in any form, no afterlife and perhaps the Universe was vainly trying, desperately grasping at the many manifestations and dimensions in order to find its own origin and identity?
This stark reality hits home when really digested and thought through. If the Universe is lost where am I, if the Universe is lost what chance have I then? Can I live without a purpose or belief or the only belief is that there is no purpose, no reason or anything and what is the purpose of law and order if there is no reason just because the Universe made a cock up and is looking for Itself in me, in us, why should we have a religion if there is no God, is it because we wish to survive and religion is indeed human made to keep us safe from annihilation. The strange paradox of religions fighting each other for what purpose if God has no purpose or exists.
OK can one live without human purpose and surmises there is no God, saviour, avatar or guru? Searching for this human identity, just having a name, any name and just being a human being, nameless, a profession being what one does and not who one is, on deep reflection on being a brain washed conditioned programmed individual and now beginning to strip away the layers of indoctrination and having past the shock of discovering who one is not living with what seemed to be a barren wasteland, a veritable desert, lonely, quiet, distractions annoying and irritable, running away from the seeming boredom of being empty so to speak, one may stumble on sitting with this apparent void, this dark hole of seeming oblivion and venture into it, like gradually immersing into a hot bath, the sea, the dark night outside without a torch. Then realising it is not so scary, it is fact welcoming and the darkness becomes a glimmer and the lack of thoughts, sensations, just a relaxing body and mind, fear of the darkness receding in the mind, it becomes known to one this I did not think up, manufacture, fantasise, make up a gimmick or read somewhere.
Following on from this one begins to immerse oneself further and as the layers of darkness peel away there is glimmer of light which expands and the darkness peels away, to some suddenly to other gradually then somehow, something intuitively spontaneously begins to whisper, the still small quiet voice that is recognised as not one's own or internal dialogue mind chatter, it has a deep resonance with one's utmost essential being, it gives purpose without specifics, it is a mystery and it doesn't matter if there is a God, the Universe or humanity has a purpose this is the purpose of no purpose and one is content to rest in its Being.
On close examination and being courageous, fearless to face the truth of oneself, one may find that I am not who I thought I was, I am someones else's ideas, customs, speech and follow like a sheep, ah yes one says, I am unique and think for myself, no one tells me what to do or think-----really at an honest review and an impartial put aside of one's beliefs and on scrutiny it may dawn on one--I am not the person I thought I was, I am a clone of ideas and so on.
This can lead one to feel lonely, isolated, frightened, depressed and one is then seeking a new identity, somewhere to belong, another religion, tribe, culture and then the realisation that they are just the as the one that one is leaving. Maybe there is a honeymoon period in a new way and then the same old feeling of frustration enters the new led life.
One may seek to drown one's lack of purpose and emptiness of disbelief and regret and not having 'seen through this ruse' earlier, the wasted years and endeavours and now seemingly bereft, no identity that is satisfying, no seeming purpose, oh my what have I done, I am up the creek without a boat or paddle?
Then one can wonder does the Universe, God or whatever have a purpose? Or did the big bang be a purposeless ruse as well, did God just have a joke on his creation? For me I started to look into reality and the shock of the empty atom, the observer effect in particle physics and before that when very young in meditation going beyond the thinking mind with Sensei's Koan and my Minor Satori and being told and realised 'you will never be the same again, you will never fit in anywhere and you are young and will be tested by the world' then realising that the years that followed, football, electrics, forensics, physics, relationships, religion, travel, presenting workshops, healing's, clinics and patients, off grid in Spain, Scotland and Canada, retirement ET UFO and NASA, all were temporary all were just an attempt to 'be somebody and hang my hat on the hook and have an identity, a PH.D of knowledge that faded with time and new discoveries made that degree redundant and unless research was continued, so what was the purpose in identity if it faded with senility, death and perhaps a void, a place of non existence in any form, no afterlife and perhaps the Universe was vainly trying, desperately grasping at the many manifestations and dimensions in order to find its own origin and identity?
This stark reality hits home when really digested and thought through. If the Universe is lost where am I, if the Universe is lost what chance have I then? Can I live without a purpose or belief or the only belief is that there is no purpose, no reason or anything and what is the purpose of law and order if there is no reason just because the Universe made a cock up and is looking for Itself in me, in us, why should we have a religion if there is no God, is it because we wish to survive and religion is indeed human made to keep us safe from annihilation. The strange paradox of religions fighting each other for what purpose if God has no purpose or exists.
OK can one live without human purpose and surmises there is no God, saviour, avatar or guru? Searching for this human identity, just having a name, any name and just being a human being, nameless, a profession being what one does and not who one is, on deep reflection on being a brain washed conditioned programmed individual and now beginning to strip away the layers of indoctrination and having past the shock of discovering who one is not living with what seemed to be a barren wasteland, a veritable desert, lonely, quiet, distractions annoying and irritable, running away from the seeming boredom of being empty so to speak, one may stumble on sitting with this apparent void, this dark hole of seeming oblivion and venture into it, like gradually immersing into a hot bath, the sea, the dark night outside without a torch. Then realising it is not so scary, it is fact welcoming and the darkness becomes a glimmer and the lack of thoughts, sensations, just a relaxing body and mind, fear of the darkness receding in the mind, it becomes known to one this I did not think up, manufacture, fantasise, make up a gimmick or read somewhere.
Following on from this one begins to immerse oneself further and as the layers of darkness peel away there is glimmer of light which expands and the darkness peels away, to some suddenly to other gradually then somehow, something intuitively spontaneously begins to whisper, the still small quiet voice that is recognised as not one's own or internal dialogue mind chatter, it has a deep resonance with one's utmost essential being, it gives purpose without specifics, it is a mystery and it doesn't matter if there is a God, the Universe or humanity has a purpose this is the purpose of no purpose and one is content to rest in its Being.
SHACK
SHACK 738 BLESSED
Occasionally I come across something that 'speaks to me' and the verse in number 10 caught my 'inner eye' and so I read the whole Psalm.
In one of those flash insights this is what it meant to me and my own, dare I say meaning; when I am frazzled, tired, sick of the world news, chaos and corruption I yearn for peace, not the peace through distraction which I have done and this just leaves me jaded and tired, I feel unclean and let down but the peace of something beyond worldly balms and soothing cooing lullabies of music, food, sleep and other so named delights beckons to me and calls me to another place, the soft voice of that peace beyond understanding. So I continue at the end of the Psalm below.
- Psalm 84 For the director of music. According to gittith. [1] Of the Sons of Korah. A psalm.
- 1
- How lovely is your dwelling place, O LORD Almighty!
- 2
- My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the LORD; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.
- 3
- Even the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may have her young-- a place near your altar, O LORD Almighty, my King and my God.
- 4
- Blessed are those who dwell in your house; they are ever praising you. Selah
- 5
- Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.
- 6
- As they pass through the Valley of Baca, they make it a place of springs; the autumn rains also cover it with pools. [2]
- 7
- They go from strength to strength, till each appears before God in Zion.
- 8
- Hear my prayer, O LORD God Almighty; listen to me, O God of Jacob. Selah
- 9
- Look upon our shield, [3] O God; look with favor on your anointed one.
- 10
- Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere; I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked.
- 11
- For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.
- 12
- O LORD Almighty, blessed is the man who trusts in you
To me the dwelling place is when in meditation thoughts begin to fade away, their noise and cacophony subside, my body unwinds and rests and as the thoughts fade away it feels as I have arrived home in the 'Courts' and yes a day in them as in verse 10 indeed is nourishment to my soul.
In verse 2, I have been so torn, especially when I was in Forensics
that indeed 'My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the LORD; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God'. The Lord God to me means this peace and the refreshment I feel when immersed in this glory of light, stillness, quiet and soul nourishment.
What is the soul?; this is my awareness as in my experience as a human flesh being, it my personal experience of the 'God Within' the Kingdom of Heaven within, this is not running away from the world and its manifestations, it is the realisation that worlds pleasures and rewards are temporary, dream like and that nature holds more for me that worldly human made attributes. Oh, some might say because failure, lack of self confidence, failure to make my 'mark in the world' I have retreated to an inner realm of mind made sanctuary and have become introverted, cynical, sceptical and have a depressed morbid view of humanity and the world of human egoistic endeavour.
In the image at the top I have experienced a gradual fading or peeling away in my mind like a shutter being lifted, sometimes as though a balloon lifts me out, the me being the awareness, the witness or a peeling back and even entering another dimension and there is definitely light, joy, peace and an intuitive surety this is real and not a mind game fantasy.
I have no means to prove or disprove this discussion and point of view and if it so then at the end of my passage in this incarnation and the passing hopefully into an extended expanded 'courts' and space outside the 'head brain' into an awareness beyond the limited realm of the local ego mind into the non local mind space of unlimited awareness and its accompanying bright light peace, only then will my delusion or affirmation of this experience be valid or not.
In the image at the top I have experienced a gradual fading or peeling away in my mind like a shutter being lifted, sometimes as though a balloon lifts me out, the me being the awareness, the witness or a peeling back and even entering another dimension and there is definitely light, joy, peace and an intuitive surety this is real and not a mind game fantasy.
I have no means to prove or disprove this discussion and point of view and if it so then at the end of my passage in this incarnation and the passing hopefully into an extended expanded 'courts' and space outside the 'head brain' into an awareness beyond the limited realm of the local ego mind into the non local mind space of unlimited awareness and its accompanying bright light peace, only then will my delusion or affirmation of this experience be valid or not.
SHACK
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