EL FLORA
Carrying on from the
previous Shack 688 I felt this morning that Presence, that familiarity, that
special feeling and the few times when I have been in dire straits it seemed to
lift me and in a few incidents heal me or make things right or lift my spirits.
Mandus used to say ‘I know
you are there please come fill me your presence, your spirit and feel the
spirit and leave the rest to the Father’
It is a sort of laying
aside, a surrendering of the troubled mind, the anxieties and problems, for me
I say ‘Father Mother God, Great Source of Life come fill me with your peace’ I
then breathe abdomen-ally and watch the turmoil, the tossing wind blown ego
fears that wrack my mind with agony, horrific scenarios of the world and my
destruction in agony, pain, torture and grief and sometimes fantasies and
sexual innuendos and explicit rituals and replays and sometimes I just flip
out in an instant into one of the temptations and agendas, sometimes my ego mind is
so bored with the repeats that it eagerly searches the graphics of the
storehouse of these lurid scenarios to reconfigure the options and present a
new mind grabbing presentation that holds the awareness in captivity.
It is like a bored me
searching hundred of TV channels to find a mind distraction and entertainment in
order to run away from the world condition which I feel I could play into or
the seeming emptiness of not having these fantasies and horrors, I could easily
be an SAS or special forces operative, a debauched bloated billionaire, a
priest, a something or other and these play out in my mind to lure me away from
the ‘I know you are there’.
Mandus like many people
think at first God (a name for The Spirit, The Presence or whatever you’re
fancy)is outside and so it feels so when the agendas above cloud and occupy the
mind, and the way of watching with curious interested detachment of the witness
is the same once the presence is established and felt it is neither inside or outside it is totally oneself ‘I
and the presence are one’.
So the separation, the duality
is only, I say lightly and flippantly, the conditioning, the programming and
brain washing I was subjected too from earlier on in my life, the grooming that
has taken hold in a vice like grip that thwarts my life and causes no unending
so it seems of misery and doubt.
Yet had I not had the NDE,
the rare glimpses of the splendour of the soft velvet touch of the Presence,
that inner smile, that knowing, that peace, that joy, that sublime feeling of
utter safety and eternal life, that space of redemption and so on I shudder to
contemplate what nightmare I would have ended in; yet in that nightmare knowing
only that and no other I would have been oblivious and thought there was no
other way and I might have been relatively happy and thought no more of it, or
carried on like my parents and many others fearing life and fearing death.
To say I am happier now
with the rare glimpses of the Presence or rather the feel of it, it is not
outside of the mind in the world of form although mind things are as real and
in dreams as solid, just as the waking dream is a longer hypnotic speciality
dealt up to the weakness of the spirit and the strength of the ego and
that is the contest; the age old devil
and god, the god and evil, the black and white and all other duality's, until
one comes to polarities and complementary's.
Then some philosophers,
psychiatrist, psychologists, psychotherapists, and counsellors and so on say the
Presence is merely the relief and absence on a temporary basis when the mind is
either, drugged, accepts the dilemmas and resigns oneself philosophically or on
drugs medical or hallucinogenic recreational or spiritual like Amazonian
Shamanic substances that have woken folk up to other alternatives that one's is
mind stuck in.
So is my ego and is very able
abilities and able to conjure up from the total experiences of my life which
includes books, relationships, illnesses, NDE, spiritual, meditative, workshop
presentations and total everything a false Presence, fools gold and is this the
egos last big trump card to put the doubt that there is no Presence just a mind
manufactured opiate to relieve the pressure of reckless, intense, frenzied,
lust and avarice that is really what humans are and any lofty moral clinging is
merely fear and not being up to the challenge of the survival of the fittest.
The ego will say ‘even if
you are totally sure of the Presence are you really sure, how much of you will
you sacrifice to be sure, you have given up much but is this just betting, a
wild hunch, secretly hoping for a saviour even if it is a just a feeling’?
So do I know you are there
or I am just hoping you are there and not a trick of mind? Mandus 's example
showed the proof over the years with hundreds of healing's and miracles, what do
I have to stand by on?
SHACK
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