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| Breath of Life Dailey |
From my early NDE, the Koan, the Empty atom and the many workshop presentations, forensics, relationships and dips into the shame of and yet the liberation in prostitution, being exposed to the most darkest events in forensic and patient stories, devastating health matters, episodes of deep darkness and light, many many psychic, OBE's and meditative experiences there has been and have been these 'god calling episodes'.
For example this morning in August 2023 I went to bed very late after watching a really good TV drama and I select these as they are not only entertaining but but are really about the divisive issues going onto today.
As I awoke I had this 'calling' a huge smile and deep relaxed body as I felt enveloped in a joy, peace and ecstasy, I have had bouts many, many times and yet they are short lived and usually the chattering mind, the distraction of a fantasy and yet the 'behind the scenes' longing for the peace that goes beyond human understanding.
I used to think or feel that could this be the real deal; I have had sexual intercourse many times, with girlfriends, my partner Gilly and with a prostitute when exploring sexual stuff, masturbation they all left me with a feelings of sometimes guilt because I was letting my moral and spiritual beliefs down, my ego inculcated jumbled up moral and political agendas. Yet after the NDE at such a young age, there was this beautiful experience and I certainly did not want to be Earth Bound or to live on Earth. Then to further this dilemma I had the shift through the Koan and then even more so with the 'Empty Atom' event.
I had this feeling at NDE as I was rising of joy, liberation, freedom, light and bliss, yes at the age of four in 1942. Then with the shift and koan this did not produce those feelings last mentioned but a glimpse of another reality other than the inculcation at the time of living, it offered other choices or no choice but emancipation around about this time I was working as apprentice electrician, teaching martial arts and having a trial as pro soccer player and my family busting up and looking after a sick Mother. However I got distracted by so many things and I understood why Sensei said after the Shift / Koan 'Its a shame you are not in Japan in a Monastery, you are so young for this in these conditions'.
I had at this time so many scrapes in life with relationships, money, health, situations and so on and also at the brink of disaster many a synchronicity, coincidences, chance meetings all sorts of miracles and this was that I was so 'busy' in the material world that meditation was at one time completely forgotten or spasmodic. Yet at the 'back of mind' I felt that something was going on, as if in my deep mind there was part of me meditating or a dim awareness of it. It was if my brainwashing had so much debris in it that it buried the awareness of Spirit.
I never was a one for prayer and I really have not got much faith and yet how were the privileges or why were these saviour moments accorded to me? Arrogantly now I suppose it was because although I consciously in my mundane mind forgot the 'God Stuff' and have never liked and even shunned religious attendance causing rifts with family, friends and being called an atheist, agnostic and heathen.
Yet I had all through a love for enlightenment and this was for to attain that peace and joy of the NDE, the choice through another mind reality Koan and the material world losing its clawing reality through The Empty Atom. I was called lazy, unambitious, a wimp, a sloppy, dozy kid, feeble and so on. Yet I did 670 workshop presentations participated in numerous one to one's in healing and therapy sessions with patients while holding down a Forensics job. However in those workshop years over thirty six years this busy schedule took its toll, because the meditation was there at times and the succour of the spirit was not there, yes relaxation through breath work, Taiichi Qi gong was there but the deep peace and joy was not and yet I was aware somewhere in my psyche it was, I was too distracted to participate fully and commit myself too it, the pull, the magnetic glamour of the material world and scientific interests were a battle to steer me away, just like in the Ten Ox Herding scenarios 'I saw the Ox and had it by the tail and yet could not tame it and ride it and the return to the city' I was between a rock and a hard place.
Then two bouts and scares of cancer; members of family died of cancer and heart attacks and I faced this as a non smoker and a fairly decent diet and seemingly moderately fit, Lung cancer followed by Prostate Cancer at the end of 1999 and beginning 2000. With the lungs I was given three months to live as I refused all chemotherapy or drugs, I was by a synchronous coincidence to become aware of a Chinese Christian TCM practitioner and he shocked the medics and with the return to meditation and all work stopped and retirement from all workshops (although did some specialised and healing work) and both cancers say the medics went into remission. I have written of the meditative and physical 'signs and experiences way back in articles) Since 2000 I have been faced with purely mind exploration and have the time to explore my inculcation and reach if possible the joy and calm that I sensed all through the years I wanted back to in a sense to 1942,1955,1977 and now today and this particular morning as above at beginning.
The mind chatter has been less and less as has the fantasy's and so on mainly through certain experience's in meditation and writing the SHACK articles of say the last year. Mind blowing to say the least. I have had many spontaneous grace experiences but this one was if it was silent calling and it 'said to me' in one of those micro mini infinite flashes, perhaps less than a micro second the following; I often wondered why I really loved my flat, which was another one of those dreaded events which turned out to be a 'God Sent' it was in the early days noisy through boiler house problems, neighbours far from friendly, GP problems and so on, it has turned out to be so far absolutely spot on, due to my disablement so to speak because of the vaccine jab, not Covid story in other articles and website www.geofffreed.com or Online, I am limited in mobility and I love being at home not just tired, or aching and I have never wanted much materialism, although the few times I was wealthy I really was not happy, this was cemented finally in the 'Empty Atom' and the 'Nowhere to Hang My Hat' and the articles based on 'No Identity and Inculcation' however I realised that my not wanting to travel as I had none so before, the grip of ego being dissembled I felt by this mornings experience that a commitment not rigid but consensual between ego and whatever one can assume and be sure is Spirit is OK and the fight by the ego to have such a tight grip on mind chatter, fantasy, fear, anxiety and being in harsh and demanding rituals in order to instil feelings of safety and some sort of reality could be eased and let the Spirit 'take over' and will bring peace to the ego and also allow the the witness within be Itself and the Soul Expression shine and that Peace that Passes All Human Understanding take it's place in the natural order of things'.
In some way like the cancers and loss of mobility are the markers of a new life expression and what the ego fears most which is loss becomes in some other way a gain. However it never ends and Life will undoubtedly throw up challenges which may at first glance seem hostile, threatening and daunting and when relaxed, letting go of ego grip, by just knowing something deep within may sort it out and if not 'that may the way of things' who knows what life wishes to teach us if we are willing to learn?
SHACK
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