Like they say in many blogs and films 'the names have been changed to protect the persons'.
So here goes; during my days as an electrician I was at a police training college employed as an a maintenance engineer, this college had an active motor police and motor cycle repairs and servicing unit.
Among the many brilliant officers who came there and waited in the canteens for repairs or new vehicles were the one and only Kevin Ickner and Bradley Olman (entirely made up names but they represent the real deal). They were known for never smiling a very coarse way of speech, unrelenting in their rough justice and very keen to 'nick' you at first chance, leniency, compassion and understanding was a long lost faculty in their minds----I might say they made our days as hilarious tales came in especially in their presented evidence in court.
Tale one; there was a famous comedian named Spike Milligan and to say he was zany is an understatement of the year, it is well worth looking up his poem's. I like this one;
There are holes in the sky
Where the rain gets in
But they're ever so small
That's why the rain is thin.
Where the rain gets in
But they're ever so small
That's why the rain is thin.
Any road as they say, dear Spike was to appear in court because Ickner and Olman 'nicked' him for dangerous driving he went straight onto a busy two lane road and ignored the two painted lines to stop and look before proceeding.
As you can imagine the court house was packed to the rafters and I managed to sneak a lift there. The magistrates three, three very ominous bespectacled individuals listened attentively to the evidence and then turned to Spike and said have you anything to say? To which Spike said ' Yes (in a goon voice ---look up Goon Show---a shrill high pitched whinny voice) they were hiding behind some bushes and when they saw me coming rushed out and painted the lines across the road'. The court house erupted for a good ten minutes with hysterical laughter. Dear Spike was fined for the offense and disrupting court proceedings.
Tale two; There is a stretch of road which runs between two major round abouts and this road is inclined and a bit of a hill, it has two lanes and is a duel carriageway, large lorries and fast moving cars race down it. Either side of the road are woods and recreation areas named unfortunately Scratch Wood, in the late evenings gay men and gay women used to use these woods and some actually touted at the road side for clients or partners. There were lay bys and cars used to pull in. Ickner and Olman were picked to patrol this and arrest the offenders, as you can imagine they hated it. In those days Homophobia was less tolerated than now, this was in the years when very rude names were given to them and regular bashing's were given. Of course I and O detested this and said all sorts of names, they wanted real crime, the hard stuff.
When they came into the canteen they were greeted with blown kisses and given the name 'Starker's and Crutch' after the American TV programme ;
Creator:
Stars:
David Soul, Paul Michael Glaser, Antonio Fargas |See full cast & crew ». Starsky and Hutch
Needless to say it took a
long time for I and O to get over it and for us to stop curling up with
laughter when they came in.
Tale three; I used to teach Judo in a Synagogue nearby Scratch Woods and at that time I had a really powerful little car all the bits, roll over bar, spacer wheels, roaring exhaust and a highly tweaked engine.
I had finished my session and came out of the hall at around 19.00 hrs. and the engine was not even warm and as I waited at the side road I and O came by, they screeched to halt, backed up and said 'we're nicking you for speeding' I said ' Come on I have just started the car and it has not even done 500 yards , come on I and O be fair' ' They said' Call us officers and not so F----g familiar'. 'They then said where were you coming from?' I told them where and what I was doing and they were very disparaging about the Synagogue and Jewish people and said I should teach Judo elsewhere' I replied 'I teach at so and so School and Scouts, Girl Guides and two Churches' to which they replied 'Busy little B----d aren't you its a wonder you've got time for work'
They then said 'We'll make a deal with you let us drive your car up and down Scratch Woods Road' I said 'OK. ' I and O both had turns. They looked pale and shaken and said to me 'This stays between us and you and this is just a verbal caution, next time your nicked'
It was just after that I transferred and began my Forensic career and never laid eyes on I and O again, although I heard a few tasty juicy stories and they never lessened in severity and rough justice.
SHACK
The image at the head of this 153 is not representative of the article. I worked with the Met for 36 years and met very fine and honest upright Police as well as a few who sailed close to the wind. I missed five years on my various trips abroad and in the UK which would have made a forty year service and full pension. I also managed to fit in at weekends and leave to do 637 workshops in Europe, Canada and the UK along with clinics and home visits and Hospice work and one time teaching Judo etc.,.
APOLOGIES ABOUT THE CHANGE IN COLOR AND PRINT THE COMPUTER PLAYED UP AND I DECIDED TO LEAVE IT. I GUESS ROUGH JUSTICE!!!
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