Can I ever trust another person should they have the
same frailties and vulnerabilities as I. What right do I have from my moral
high ground judgementally to say I see and perceive their stuff even though I
am a counsellor and psychotherapist and even had liberating experiences, does
this training give the answers and solutions, is this the one size fits all
methodology suit the complaint?
There are too many too many questions arise and doubts
as above for this to make it work. Yesterday sitting a new café that opened up
there is a lady who is known locally and is awkward and the new owners found
her troublesome? She confessed to be
lonely and her friends shunned her, I found myself shunning her, she made me
feel uncomfortable and that was because I felt some of her loneliness and
rejection and I still feel the smidgens left in me that I run away from in
myself. Then there is a semi homeless,
alcoholic sort of vagrant lady and she was telling me some story that in the
60’s and 70’s she went to the Moon and laid cables there and because she wore
no protective clothing she got sick and why she became a Buddhist. She gave me
her name as Debbie and challenged me to look her up on the net I looked through
NASA and Russian Astronauts and Cosmonauts and I couldn't find her name then she
changed it from NASA to Russia from the moon to satellite launches and was very
not sure of the Japanese Monastery she was in when her stay in Japan.
I did try to explain to Debbie but she insisted there
is no harm in space and you do not get irradiated and yet she said she only got
sick because she did not wear protective clothing. I do not want to pull her
down and argue, she has such an inner light shinning from her eyes and I do
want to be right because of my knowledge and superiority, my pomp and
arrogance, I see a lot in her that is me, the need for approval and importance,
I felt ashamed for my dogged insistence about space and technology and realised
how frail I am and border line between
being right ego wise and loving compassion, we all have our history and that is
our perceived reality, for me most of it is outworn not fit for service to my
new vistas on life, yet the past comes back to haunt me and thank Debbie and
the past for being reminders and teachers.
As for the other lady she clings to one as life a boat
for her loneliness and once one befriends or engages with her she will doggedly
follow one from restaurant and café and annoys the owners and then spills out
her story of her woes. I can see a lot
of that searching for a cure for loneliness and rejection and I am so grateful
that I can witness this in me and not run and distract so much, thank you lady
for showing me the ‘me’ I am not, that part of loneliness I run from, the
emptiness of despair, depression, the black hole that sucks one down in and can
cause suicidal feelings and insanity.
Some mornings I do not want to get up and feel what the
purpose of Life here is when all forms of life will decay, die and possibly
never be remembered. I am learning to watch without bias and weather the dark
day storms and when they blow themselves out simply because there is no
emotional support or energy and the witness me allows them free rain without
getting sucked in and neither is shunned or needed it seems the energy for it
gets dissipated and I feel that these emotions that seem so real and tug at the
heart and soul it would appear that dissolve and are not real which suggest
they are a temporary phenomenon and not a reality.
The witness, the unbiased observer then is left with
the residue, at first relief and then peace, not the absence of raging emotions
but a silent running energy of something else indescribable but divine.
Ego emotions display themselves as proof of the egoist
existence and I suspect because the astral illumination displays such a
glamorous outburst that is so overwhelming and powerful, full of passion and
arouses all the senses that it can serve purposes that the strategies of the
ego serve to pull the witness out or uncover it and then cloud it so the
watcher becomes seduced by the emotional buzz that the witness disappears in
the glitter dust of the ego’s Hollywood bonanza and extravaganza.
The dark side of the above paragraph is that somehow
people wallow in the darkness and depression desperately unhappy and can be a
way of self punishment for guilt and the darkness is a way of atoning to
expiate the sin. It can also be many other things, food allergies, environmental
pollution and a way of getting attention even if is from the doctor.
As I begin to recognise in me that which is the shared
lot of human fragility, frailness and vulnerabilities I need not shun it as
above ladies ‘made me feel’ and I became victim to the feeling in me that I
perceived were in them, so I can blame them for my feelings and so not own my
feelings and then blame myself which dis-empowers me and gives a false sense of power to them even though they may not recognise it and bestow them with power, I empower them by my judgement and empathy, however if I own by witnessing and not judging,
the blame game is ended and is felt as peace. It is the acceptance that all
feelings are just that feeling and moving on.
SHACK
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