Again an experience which is difficult to put into words and really do justice to the experience. How do you convey the exact nuances and delicacies of an experience unless one has the same or similar ones and even then they are individual and personal to that person however, there is a 'bond' of feeling the experience and one recognises and feels that in the other.
This morning of the 17th May 2020 whilst sitting on the toilet during morning ablutions I had this real significant feeling as I was relaxed and enjoying the releasing of the bowel content and I was just non focusing and it is like something rolled up, like a folding projector screen and it feels like its happening physically in the front temporal lobes, slightly more so on the right, and then the clarity and in this clarity I realised in feeling I had no past or history, I had the intuitive thought feeling that I had been through past histories, dramas and events, however THEY were based on the inculcation which led to conditioning, grooming in the sense of expectant parental, family, cultural and peer pressures to conform to the rituals, religion and political bias, in short brain washed and in another sense robbed of individual thought, maybe a slight divergence and a small degree of tolerance permitted, so in a way THIS was not me it was a programmed robotic me although if you told me that at the time I would have scoffed and bickered.
Furthermore I realised I had no history, years of being brain washed, but the essence of me, the awareness that is, the witness observer had a clean sheet and that history is usually based on drama and mainly wars and these wars escalated because of the false realities due to inculcated fierce demands to 'toe the party line' to conform and pass it onto future generations and so the recipients were steeped, cemented and yoked into the traditions and foibles that were unquestionable reality's and non negotiable.
So it left me deeply understanding and this is the wonderful and somewhat quaint non emotional emotion so to speak that it is not understood necessarily by the intellect, logic or indeed possibly by anything as mundane psychology or metaphysics may have postulated.
This then left me feeling I was awareness and in the moment a presence without a background reference point or backup, it was like a dream that remembered and then discarded. Was this scary to have memories of the past and like a dream and the emotions stripped from them, bare and naked facts. It left me feeling that I could not be hurt and that on demise it was awareness that transitioned to somewhere else and if this was not so it would not matter.
Then it it seemed that the only hurt I experienced from the past was not me anyway and I did not have to feel sad, guilty, shamed, jealous, conforming or even sexually to be in any gender, I just realised the old programmed inculcated brain washed conditioned robotic me was indeed programmed with cultural algorithms and the emotions were part of the process. The emotions aroused the indignities and justifications and gave permissions and sanctions that went with that programmes lore and law.
Yes of course I obey the law of the country I live in and although I feel it is unreal and somewhat banal and out of touch with the evolution in consciousness and to me feels tired obsolete and the sell by date now well past its useful purpose and indeed is not fit for purpose. It is shown by many world weary faces I see, eyes dull or full of lust and desire for more material delights and sexual encounters or drug and alcohol, TV and computer addictions all to take one away from the drudgery, boredom of repeated drama from conditioned robotic life and a deep sense of 'there must be something else' where is it? Then the awful sense I will die and even though I have many possessions or none at all there is this ominous spectre, this auspicious event and although all these possessions and addictions cover up this overwhelming, this dread of finality and not realising that all materialism in itself is impermanent as is the human body and when the realisation comes to what is this life for and why are we in different realities and from birth inculcated to such an extent that we protect our reality that when we are threatened by other realities that may differ slightly and if radically, all out war can ensue.
So having the above experience of no history it can be liberating or frightening depending on how enmeshed in ones dogma reality is and if the 'net of conditioning' is so finely bound and there is very little hope of stretching the net or elongating the mesh to escape or at least peep through to another reality and then realising that it is just another net and one then realises that the human conditioning from years gone by to now and that we are fish caught in the net and as long as my net is recognisable such as its colour, tang, pattern and form I am safe, yes trapped, yet it is the known and as such the known produces history and because of its apparent safety one feels 'at home' until the looming figure of the 'grim reaper' threatens the status qua.
So the constant repetition of history, like the hamster in the cage going round and round on the wheel.
 |
| Dreamtime.com |
 |
| Dreamtime.com |
So the continuous rounds of history with very few modifications and so it with us and our conditioned realities, yes one might say we have technology, yes we have and it has made some life more manageable, but behavioural very little has changed.
Having no history is not the same as an orphan looking for its parents, its roots and Alzheimer's, amnesia, senility and a dull inert brain is not the same. It is conscious emotional 'erasing' not by suppression, force, mantra, hypnosis but by the true liberation from brain washing and returning to ones essence of a clear bright alive mind and not constipated or congested with dogma, ritual or inflicted ideas and reality's like the 'Venus Fly Trap' lured in and seduced by the sweet aroma and nectar promised by the lusciousness's and sweet promise of another history and the honeymoon and once the honeymoon and the new acquisition have become familiar and boring they too are confined to the past and once again the wheel turns looking for a solid never ending form of some reality that promises everlasting bliss, health and happiness which forms more history and if that's ones predilection so be it.
 |
| Picfair |
SHACK
 |
The NeuroAlachemist
|
