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| Courtesy Anderson Rentals |
This is one of those profound experiences that can be instant, spontaneous and somewhat inexplainable. The understanding may arrive later and leave a sort of explanation, however it never hits the mark and the feeling of what I really want to convey.
I am walking and this is difficult for me as I semi disabled and use a four wheeled trolley which is called a rollator and over rough pavement slabs it can cause jolts which hurt my left leg and hip, I have this hip problem caused by wear and tear and acerbated by the Covid second jab and has been diagnosed as a vaccine injury. At one time painfully lumbering towards a café near me, a break to get out of the flat and meet friends, suddenly like a instantaneous instant I was walking still holding the rollator and it felt normal and if it had lasted I felt healed and well and could walk freely. The moment my mind recognised this it brought me back to the lumbering and pain. Since then I have had several instances like this.
It came to me that my ego mind for I feel the ego content is the mind and the awareness the witness to the ego displays and fantasies, agendas and the paraphernalia that attends with it and through years, incarnations and the subtle energy fields at play feeding of the unconscious karma playing out has produced slides as in a projector like device played through set mind patterns and activated and projected by the synaptic's acting like TV remote controls which select by habit and brain washed conditioning certain slides which the ego cherishes in order to fulfil its agendas and controls.
I am sort of convinced the ego understands it is a mere collection of inherited thoughts and mostly someone else's ideas and even though it is not on sure footing maintains a posture of being steady, ready and powerful or weak and numb and seeking security wherever it can there are many more depictions that fit the bill so to speak. In the depth of the ego mind, or is there any depth at all as it is merely a collection of slides, pixels of stored graphic data ready to conjugate and configure in or order to adapt to changing situations. In this sense the ego has no reality as such but just a set of slides that can be juggled and seem secure and so the ego as an identity is always on the look out and alert and in many instances repeats the scenarios and slides as mantras by constant repetitious chanting's in its background so as to cement its behaviours and life patterns as a parrot and so the mind becomes conditioned and inculcated. It like an actor repeating the script to memorise the part and the end of the play finds it difficult to sort out who they are and some actors get so caught up they can become so confused and so become unstable and go to alcohol, drugs, insanity and suicide and some can realise this as an act and come through back to their own act of the ego content.
One may ask why if the awareness is aware of all this can I not just rest in awareness with just the bare necessities in order to live and be well, in this I feel the repetitious nature of so many incarnations have left deep grooves, rusted and cemented over the ages and it is so ingrained and indelible that the constant whirligig of the rotating agendas and the fear of stepping outside the considered safety margins hold fast the conditioning. Fear is the glue of the ego and it ramps up the agenda if one should try going outside the borders of its domain.
So at times a breakthrough in the net of conditioning can take place. Such as the slide change and when it happened to me it actually physically felt a drop of slide as like a shutter in my frontal lobes of the brain. Or as I have written so much of I realised I was inculcated and lost a portion of my ego identity, I referred to the possible steps that led to this; my NDE at four years of age, the Koan by Sensei, this shift causing deep realising life situations like relationships, forensic work, workshop presentations, therapy and counselling and hands on healing with many patients and their stories all mounting up of course with meditation, serious encounters with life threatening illnesses to a breakthrough which I refer to 'Nowhere to hang my Hat' and having to live with a partial loss of identity, I say partial because the ego remnants which were shattered by the 'HAT' experience like bits of glass have an identity and memory like they were a hologram and seek to gather back like pieces of a magnet somehow trying to claw back their wholeness and so reform their former identity which represents to them security and safety. Yet the Awareness has its intuitive facility and through the gaps, the holes in the net of conditioning, shines through and gradually the remnants and the ego dissolve in the recognition they are false and not real, yet the 'battle' with the ego is not battling awareness, it is the battle with itself to remain intact and inviable.
SHACK aka GEOFF
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