marcia Hoeck
Sometimes when I go out and at times in my home I
get shallow breathing and my abdomen tightens and my chest gets locked, the
breath comes in short bursts. Walking
becomes hard and my heels thump hard on the ground and I have to remind myself
to relax and walk heel and toe. Also some other symptoms are dizziness and
almost to faint, I have to remain calm and to get back to full abdominal
breath. It is a panic attack. There is anxiousness due to trauma and early
childhood experiences, certainly it is improving with meditation and extending
Qi Gong routines, although I break the routines occasionally, diet plays a real
part and a practice of a special type of Qi Gong ‘fang song qui’ a kind of body
scan and also a few mudra’s, these I do while walking or traveling. The
traumas were when working in hazardous conditions, family traumas and childhood
incidents mainly related to a broken home through parental break-up and
poverty.
A pivotal and vital point in the above was my NDE in 1942 at the age of
four. Recall in a recent meditation when it came spontaneously, it arose of
itself, I did not seek it and feeling it as a child and in a child’s voice as
it seemed audible. The voice was frail,
the facial features grimacing, eyes wide open looking everywhere for a threat
and hands raised in horror and the child like voice wails ‘ Please I do not
want to come to this place(Earth---I have explained my actual NDE experience many times in
blogs and so on and there is a video of it with others, possibly still
available and obtainable) it is cruel, solid, hard, cold and hostile, its coarse
and not refined, please I am begging you, not again, what purpose and use am I
to go to her’?
Yet I know in my heart of hearts I had to and have
to live here, it hurts and everything I have dreaded I have experienced and for
some unearthly reason I have to go through.
Maybe in another life I abused people and myself,
maybe I am from somewhere else and was never an Earthly being and there was a
being in the NDE who urged me and suggested to me to go to this
place Earth and why he insisted for me to go I know not what to this day of
making this article (May 3rd 2017) it is still a mystery as to the
whole episode.
Perhaps it being a mystery it keeps me going and
not giving up, I am curious enough to know, for if not for the mystery my
sojourn here would be boring and not productive. By logic alone I cannot solve
it, it has to unravel itself, unfold and unfurl like a sail on a ship in the
breeze and wind. For sure in quiet reflection, contemplation with meditation
and a kind of knowing to keep on keeping on, it may reveal itself.
It may well be that if I knew the whole story, I
would not be able to stand it, and it could be too much of a shock and trauma
more likely not learn the lesson and so not expiate more debris and so purify,
detox and cleanse. The other salient
factor is that it led to my 1967 writings, the workshops and clinic practices.
Certainly it is going out of my comfort zone and
at times I have felt that God / The Universe does not care for me and I am in a
dangerous world, left to fate, destiny is unkind to me and the devil is after
me for deserting him and I feel unworthy through life’s experiences and so
deserve to be punished. Perhaps I have to learn that is the ego that feels this
and not the witness me.
These thoughts above I touched in my early years
along with God / The Universe and that there is only Love in its pure form and
the issue of the dark side versus the light side the classic battle was the
crux of all Earthly existence. Perhaps
the Earth is a testing ground for some exalted plan.
Of course with the workshops and so on a lot was
worked out there, the wars and ravages, the Forensic work with its horrors, the
patients, the hundreds of workshop stories of suffering and of fun with the
friendships. All of this were and are
lessons and I found that in the mirror of relations all and everything were and
are my mentors and kind teachers, we share and teach others mostly what we need
to know for ourselves---I am so deeply grateful and see now clearly that this
is a learning and clearing time and this incarnation affords me the
opportunities to do it---thank you whoever you were and are in my NDE that urged me to Earth, I
may not know where I came from or where I may go to nor the complete purpose
for being here but that is no longer an issue.
Yet in the duality of the above neither of these
are the real me, there is the middle way in which there are no stories, this
middle way is not comprised of stories, thoughts of any world or situation for
it is the Mind of The Universe and it beckons one on when opportunities arise
and one surrenders, then there is peace, one is not afraid, fear loses its grip
as the super glue that locks tight and sticks itself and attaches itself to all
the programmes which hamper and obstruct its freedom.
One does not have an identity to a set of mind
patterns and fabrications, nether is one a babbling senile non entity, one is
something else, not specific, yet more wholesome than can be explained.
This is what it is and stands alone body relaxed,
mind without thought, alert agile and happy to be here or wherever.
Have you noticed how little thought intrudes when
you are really happy and content?
SHACK
Mentorguru
www.dr-robert.com
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