Again the blessing of meditation really has been
so significant in my life. It has not
always brought the peace and calm, however it has made the space for the buried
accumulation in the abyss or the attic of the ‘mind’ to rear itself and be
cleansed or bring wisdom and understanding of my ‘stuff’.
Sometimes it has revealed the ugly and distasteful
to the fore as well as the bliss and beauty.
So many realizations have been like a counseling and therapy session.
One such event was that; I awoke and felt alright
and as the morning went on I felt a pressure and pain in the chest, then
burping and indigestion. This often came when I did a lot of qigong and energy
work, writing blogs and Shack. It is as if the insights, the energy, the chi /
ki /kundulini were excavating, pushing ‘stuff’ out and it was overwhelming. Overwhelming
the ego restraints, a pressure cooker ready to blow off steam and the valve
seemed to be belching, passing wind and then ah ha.
A particular one comes to mind; I felt down and in
pain, the pain was acute and frightening, was it angina or a heart attack or
something else, then it broke, suddenly like a dam bursting under the pressure
and the walls caved in, and the understanding was like the flood that followed.
It was underneath the pain there was a flood of
joy, sheer bliss, this was my true nature, my inheritance, and my life time
habits and indoctrination of ‘it never is to good to believe all is well, but
when it is it is a bonus, and do not expect it often, its better to be on guard,
alert to it all gong wrong, this is life and there is nothing you can do about
it, especially as you are Jewish and in our family history, you being a bit of
a heathen and not following in the
tradition will be especially sorted out’. So I had a latent background cloud, a
fear at the back of my mind, so to fulfill the prophesy, the legend of the
family history, sabotaging myself was a must, however could I prove to myself I
am not worthy and deserving. So often
going out I had a fear when will it go pear shape, especially in my youth if I
came back late, my mother standing at the door wringing her hands in fear and
saying ‘why do you do this, do you realise you are putting another nail in my
coffin’ ‘you are sending me to an early grave’ When mother did die I had
already got over the guilt of killing my mother, she dear lovely soul died
through the stress of a sad life and estrangement.
However the realisation dawned that pain is a
resistance to change and underneath that pain, a kind of bandage of restriction,
a chastity belt of righteous indignation that my ego puts up and happiness is
the ego’s right and determined happiness by its standards and anything not
sanctioned and judged is not acceptable.
To be content, serene, joyful and fulfilled in The
Way of The Universe is not on for the ego; it did not have the habitual groove
and feel the ego likes and so therefore a threat. The ego has a comfortable
home and does not like the thought of change; it’s unfamiliar and may not have
the foothold or importance to have the authority it used to have.
So the ego brings in its stronghold tactics, to
play on the fear, however, as the Life Force, Chi and so on click in then the
underlying intelligence contained in the Life Force Chi begins to push from the
inside out.
All meditative work starts from the inside as it
were, in qigong the inner organs are vessels that are fed by the meridians
which are the interface between the Cosmos and so it is important to start on
inner levels first.
If one just does physical stuff it is surface work
and does have its values and place. However all foundations start at base and
meditation is the innermost base and as the body and mind grow they grow from
the inside. The surface layers only are
like paint on the body, it is cosmetic, the body needs its natural foundation
which it builds from the skeleton which in turn builds from nutrients which
need a healthy happy deep content mind coming from the Creative Mind of the
Universe. The depths of the Ocean make
the foundation for the waves and sea life.
SHACK
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