The strange thing about some of humanity is watching a spider in the sink or bath and wrestling with the horror of it, rescue it or watching it try to survive when we turn on the tap more to flush it down the drain.
The spider grasps frantically, desperately to survive as it meets its fate down the plug hole. Every effort is brought to bear to survive and live again.
I watch my ego, my collective assumed reality, knowing like the spider which instinctively knows one day and time it will die either by a predator or by natural means, however me knows my time will come. The spider presumably does not wrestle with its reality, I do as I search the questions;why was I born, what is the purpose of my life, who created me(other than through conception by my parents) who is this creator, am I a figment in this creator's mind, in the mind of a dreamer, and if so what is the creator other than a mind and then what is mind and so on?
So I see that the reason for living for me is that I have this mystery and this mystery is to be solved and yet the human mind, my mind can only go round in circles and for me the answer is 'I just don't know'. As I contemplate and watch my mind I see everything as a presumption, even the greatest minds cannot really know, they think and feel they know according to their beliefs which have been installed, nay, programmed, brain washed and even those who manage to modify and intellectually conjecture at the most are assumptions based on a mental buzz and ego massage of 'eureka I know the answer and espouse long into the night and get a certificate of reward'.
In my own stance right now approaching in a few days time my eightieth birthday and for God's sake what does this mean, I see that life does not have a meaning. If I have any beliefs and programmes, assumptions and wild outside the box so I egotistically presume solutions to these vital questions above, I merely am stretching my intellectual prowess and merely massaging my ego.
Why am I massaging my ego? Because I am giving it a reason to live and survive, when its deepest fear is annihilation. So as I watch and wrestle and the ego exposes itself to the watcher, the silent witness, it begins in the light of the awareness which is the watcher to begin to fade in its reality and begins to realise its own fragility and so like the spider begin to slide and begins looking for a dry place to cling onto and climb back up and escape and hide.
Horrific battering ensues, a dark side comes out, anger, scenes of illness, accidents, torment, one such one was phlegm and sputum clinging to the sink and refusing to be swilled away, turds and shit clinging to the toilet bowl all resisting their demise so to speak. Cancer and be cured by horrific chemotherapy, awful pain and hospital procedures, revenge on a unloving God and people who put me down, torment of the soul burning in hell and damnation. This the sages of the past and few struggling now as the world humanity goes through Armageddon, the fires and scorching of so called sophisticated weaponry, bombs that sear and tear the flesh, beheading, child abuse, women exploited, deliberate austerity, surveillance beyond all means and on the personal level I feel this in some form or other.
What to do? I don't know I guess just to watch and realise none of this is me.
SHACK
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