SHACK 614 LOVE?

Izquotes

I'm  in love she or he cried and the ecstasy and joy, at last I've found you or have I found someone so like myself and I am not alone or lonely any more.  I am safe, oh god no she or he is dying who will love me now? Was I in like or love? Then I say God loves me, then where is this God and the mystery is abated when I pray fervently and I seem to have a response. A miracle and 'upliftment'

I may be accused of being an atheist or at least a cynic. Is the answer to a prayer by fervent passion, an affirmation a mere psychological or a confessional session a personal hype, I feel I have got that off of my chest, is it mere endorphins or some such like?

Even if it a mere psychological effect or placebo it is very useful at relieving stress which is the real downer and killer.  Stress brings out the worst of the dark side and is a strength sapper. 

I seriously disbelieve that any person can really love another when the ego comes into play. It is merely a super psychological agreement of deep likeness to be commensurate with one's egoistic programming. 

When one has pricked the bubble of ego and becomes the witness watcher awareness(not the defence sentinel on guard and watchful ready to fight or defend, attack or retreat through tactical strategy)then I feel this awareness is felt as compassion and is self fulfilling and one is 'kind of' in love with oneself. One socialises not in need but with compassion.  One does not feel emotional love but a deep rooted oneness not with the personalities or need of another but like trees and plants rooted in the common denominator of the Earth and humans like the feeling of the awareness of the one life through all.  

So one unites with a person who has no needs to be the mentor or superior in a relationship, for I have been a father so to speak in relationships, the boy in some and so on. Now I am in a relationship with not MYSELF but the SELF.

There is no pride in this relationship in achievements and degrees or certificates, they are gone with the passage of time.  Just a few weeks before my eightieth birthday I filled six sacks of forty years research, cleared books, data, ornaments, pictures and felt so relieved. Now my ego rebelled for a while and there was a period of mourning. I relied on these as back up and got some responses with these academic papers of reward and approval which became a part of my so called reality, now there are some still to get out of the system.

I closed the blog I was doing and just write as I feel in this one.  The ego gave me hell as I let go and yet whatever years I have left I am sure there is more to vent and let go.

What next? Well like my mentors the trees, plants and animals in the garden I know not what and hope that I can just grow like the trees, move along with life like the cat, the fox, the squirrel, the pigeons and the earthworms and let Life guide me with very little planning in the process. 

SHACK