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I have been having times of crying, some of happiness for no reason, some because of the touch of the Divine (neither male or female), sadness at the worlds condition and my health and pains.
However on this morning of the 13 June 2022 I had this feeling which was growing intensely of late of protection of my fantasy wife and children and a bond of saving females, not sexually explicit with them more like a Knight in shining Armour.
I felt fantasies carried with them latent desires, some unfulfilled achievements, the ego satisfying itself in ultimate grandeur and yet some element of truth hidden in their myth and legends and the ultimate union with The Great Spirit.
This morning I felt a deep, deep surge to weep and it revealed to me that my soul, my innermost being, was weeping for the feminine energy a sort of spiritual pheromone and an estrogen of a Divine Feminine nature. I felt that hard science so to speak and this technocratic cyborgism eugenic transhumanism and the mix up of the so classified sexual identities and preferences were taking away the ethos, the very essence and spirit of the female,
I felt it in the logging in vast swathes of forests, the churning up by massive 'male' diggers and trucks carrying away the beauty of the land and nature silently crying out as it was taken grossly and vulgarly in rape and the lust for the technical society to build and drool for more power and create wealth only for material means and to add to the altar of the God and Deity of Mammon all of which will die and rot as all forms of do as they are impermanent and transitory.
'Dear Mother into your loving hands I put mine; please make them soft and strong, tender and powerful and please mother out of yours give them back to me, full of grace and love, infinite joy, strength, power and healing. Thank you. Amen (From Hindu Tradition). I feel so tender towards the feminine and want to protect all women from some of the lecherous cunning sexual predators of which I saw in graphic photographs in my Forensic days and I have recognised are in me and because I recognise it and own it and aware of it I feel I am not a threat to women or indeed boys, girls and feel androgynous and really have a non apparent sexual appetite.
I feel to cuddle trees, to hold injured birds and to heal them, I feel I wish to heal hurts and pains of the homeless, the migrants and take little children to safety and leave them with caring parents and safety, to see them play in nature be free and easy and no harm coming to them or indeed me. If only I could reach those who are harming nature and the children, who take away the innocence of young girls and boys and those who cherish the idea and thrill of taking virginity and innocence as a trophy to boast about, if they could sense the pain and let it touch their hearts and show respect and mercy, if, if, if?
The scars of the abused can make them shy and angry, depressed and suicidal and take from other innocents because they have lost what the innocents have and do not know how to retrieve and get this precious gift back and so crime, bitterness and a seemingly hard exterior cover the soft innocent shell.
Yet by experiencing the harsh bitterness of some aspects of life, one may come to have compassion when one regains their own awareness as to what robbed them of their precious bounty. I feel so tender hearted and some may regard me as soft, vulnerable, a coward and to some extent I would go along with this. I am glad I am not a physically strong person now nor strong in other ways, I am getting more content to be feeble as it were and feel the love and compassion to let the ego rest, for my wants and desires are declining as my love and compassion unfold. I am more content now to trust and let the Unknown shine in my Life.
The compassion I feel is; I can see the impermanence of Life and whilst I love my flat, my neighbours are OK the world is going through human made food, water, financial scarcity and the rounding up or herding, corralling people subtly by surveillance, digitalisation, financial crippling and moves that the cabal will be the ultimate New World Leaders and the few to rule and enslave the many through the scientific technocracy of the digital manipulations. Yet I like the money I receive and the few simple gadgets and a few digital appliances, I am not bound to them and slowly releasing as I get to feel the Compassion of Love from the Divine, not as a prayerful religion or dogma but a quiet feeling of oneness as I become more empty of thought, not senile or dumb but in a growing confidence in the calm quiet attunement to Spirit.
So I miss the feminine energy in this war torn world, the harsh monster videos on TV, the vicious uncaring political agendas and the lack of understanding and denial.
I wish I could hold the hurt, the rejected, abandoned, the raped, the young and afraid in my arms and my warmth could somehow reassure them in some way and I wish I could hold myself this way because I have been and in some ways been in their position and so can feel for them and they know because I see a light at the end of the tunnel there is hope and in that hope there is a light and love in them which can be awakened and this awareness of the light and love is my saviour as it could be theirs.
SHACK
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