SHACK 2093 THE LEDGE

The Ledge

 One of the facets of the spiritual Quest to find out one's true nature is or Who Am I, who Am I before my choice at birth was taken away although with best intentions and my name with many other facets to arrive were decided by perhaps well meaning parents or foster parents or institutions and religions is that when one awakens to the fact that I am partially a cloned brain washed mind, genetically is nearer the true me to a certain extent and the startling AWAKENING REALISE  who is this blank space before I was inculcated.

 

mInD THEgAP

Mind The Gap

On the London underground or tube lines these notices appear so that you do not trip or fall between the carriage and the platform at different heights and so on, this to me is a crux and one of the major facets in the Spiritual Warrior's quest if taken in earnest.

For me I realised there is the sudden fall of the ledge as in the case of Eckhart Tolle albeit he suffered from depression and some other issues and by sitting in Zazen , meditation at home and from books and so on and perhaps through Tai chi Qi Gong, Yoga, chanting, some forms of prayer and so on, sudden shock even life challenging experiences, travelling to the Amazon with Shamanic practices and taking hallucinogenic drugs such as ayahuasca and others in earlier years such as done by; Timothy Francis Leary was an American psychologist and author known for his strong advocacy of psychedelic drugs. Evaluations of Leary are polarized, ranging from bold oracle to publicity hound. He was "a hero of American consciousness", according to Allen Ginsberg, and Tom Robbins called him a "brave neuronaut".  Also by books such as 'A separate Reality' by Carlos Castaneda, many of these followed some experiences or sought after enlightenments, satori, moksha, samadhi, presence and so on also sudden bursts of spontaneous kundalini. 

The shock of who am I and I am a clone and the staring blank oblivion at first perceived of 'when my brain washing is peeled away or seen spontaneously or by a dream, there can be a shock, I am a nobody, I have no reality, I realised my reality was a brain washed someone else's ideas or those that were passed down from generation to generation for perhaps thousands of years and have been so steeped into the human psyche that it was seen as sacred, immovable, solid, concretised and so firm as to be non questionable inalienable sacrosanct and even the state or God will punish one if even thought about not alone debated or questioned (very much like the 2022 /23 narratives of eugenics, transhumanism, technocracy, GMO and cyborgism) and the hippy  movements and travelling to India, the guru era all looking for an alternative reality and now to this culminating in a feeling of breaking out of old patterns of religious dogma, political domination and the feeling of wanting to rush away from the strong gravity of Earth so as the NASA, Musk go to the Moon, Mars free us from the chains of antiquity.

So the cabal,  the so called elitists, the various 'deep state operationists' no matter the so called West versus those of Russia and China and the BRICS formation either cling to their ideologies so vehemently that it nearly came to a nuclear confrontation and may still do so.

However there are similarities between the Spiritual Samurai as it were with their quest to break with their revealed brain washed self and the world of human logic and intellect the Egoistic selfish power greedy hedonistic self indulgent 'I want to rule the world and everything in it and to be like me and follow my dictates or you will be eliminated and to do this I will have you all under my surveillance and with the mark of my power on your forehead so to speak not the mark of the beast as of old  '666' but a electronic chip and digital passport, I alone will know all of you, you are mine and I am the dominatrix of  you all my dear digital children, I will have it all and you will own nothing and be happy with nothing'

The spiritual quest once pursued and through my forensics, workshop presentations with patients in therapy and my own life experiences and meditations led me to the shock of the emptiness of the peeling away of the brain washed self and what replaces the former perceived reality? A seemingly yawning oblivion, then the frantic panic of the ego, which was and is the brain washed data and collection bundle and the search for an identity as the GAP, the Emptiness, the known, the struggle to free the former perceived self and JUMP into this void, this is indeed utter madness, insane.  What JUMP INTO NOTHING? 

This is the ledge, the edge of the Mind and what is the mind, the mind is perceived as ring fenced, but what is it fenced by? A collection of experiences, memories, thoughts bundled together by a theme and and called beliefs. Modifying beliefs and wild fantasies and ideas, which produce a kind of mind dizziness, frantic pursuits of a webinar by some doctor or PH.D a fanciful name 'quantum healing', energy healing, colour healing, sacred mantra healing and KrishnaMurti saying' I give you a mantra coco cola say that enough times and you get lulled into a hypnotic state and you become dull inert and stupid and you think this is enlightenment'.

Then follows an attempt to solve the identity crisis after all as I am not brain washed anymore I have no identity and so WHO AM I  remains, I have now established I have no Identity can I live with this? Yes at first it is freeing and then the last vestiges of ego say, this absurd, crazy I am mad and so I can psychosomatically produce an illness, a disease, blame someone or condition and then go about curing nothing but making into something. Can I have the courage and guts to go beyond the mere intellectualisation and logic and explore the emptiness after all I have experienced it in meditation and at spontaneous occasions, yes but that is, well was it real or was it a mind ego trick, did the ego make this up to give me respite and little reward so I forget the quest and go back to the ego dictates?

The pressure begins in real earnest; solemn determination and 'I will I must' and I will kill the beast and get to nirvana, then the realisation that all this crap about satori, samadhi, enlightenment is also someone else's idea and the spiritual quest is just another deception. Then where do you go? I have explored the heights and depths of psychology, I have felt madness and suicidal thoughts, I have thought about jus being a nobody and normal whatever they are, just another set of ideas and thoughts, I have watched in meditation thoughts that come from nowhere and go to nowhere like scuttling surfing clouds in the sky and have no form or meaning other that the brain washed self gave them, I get physically dizzy and unstable as this self imposed Koan / paradoxical ( a paradoxical anecdote or riddle without a solution, used in Zen Buddhism to demonstrate the inadequacy of logical reasoning and provoke enlightenment.) Indeed Life Itself is a Koan. It was a Koan many years back  that 'rocked the boat' and made me a relatively brain washed sort of and partially content although the NDE at the age of four in 1942 sowed seeds.   

Now this dichotomy is feverish, it drives me to break all traditional imposed routines and disciplines in me, the me is getting foggy and misty, the fear of my known world is disappearing and I find myself getting past the madness of clinging vainly onto the 'gutter of a burning house' and the urge to jump because the flames are getting to the window and all I can see is a vast street below and death when I let go.  I feel mad and fear insanity and possibly I am senile and yet there is something in this being for the sake of discussion named me, a feeling it is OK to feel mad and insane? Because to feel mad and be aware of being mad leads me to I am not mad because if one were mad one would not be aware of it, my perceived or felt madness is healthy because it depicts the dichotomy between saneness so called which invariably is an agreement to what sanity and the norm is again  a set of ideologies acceptable to the general public at large.

Yet there is an inkling, a kind of invitation and a sort of tantalising inkling, an unclear whim, intuition it is OK to jump, however I seem to slide or dip my toe into the hot bath and its OK so far. As I fall out of the hundred floor building (the structure of my ego) I say well so far at the fortieth floor so good. After all in nowhere void there is no mind so where is the madness or anything else? So far there no answers or question , mainly uncertainties.

After all the structure is the content of my mind and mind is only known by the contents of the mind and the ring fence was constructed to contain the ego data or content and without the content the there is no ring fence and so no mind  Simple isn't it!!!? 

Only another mind concept would you say?

SHACK

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