SHACK 4132 LIFE ESSENCE

Courtesy ANMJ

 Often it comes back to me, the breath.  Since an early age when I first felt the breath in my nostrils I have been fascinated with it. Then I felt I did not will myself to breathe It was automatic as is the heartbeat. How so? I tried in quiet moments and meditation to trace the breath back, it seemed to arrive spontaneously from nowhere.

Then came the realisation I was breathed, something or someone is breathing me and I was like a flute and something was filling the flute with breath. I could alter the rate of breathing by exercise, emotions and various other aspects of so called breath control through exercises. In sleep breathing kept going as is the heartbeat, what mysterious invisible force or Intelligence caused this, was it God, The Great Source of Life, no amount of figuring it out, brain storming or intellectual reasoning and science could satisfy me. I just simply had no explanation for it and the more I tied the more frustrating and vexed I got. 

As I aged I came to realise that breath was life and oxygen was not the only factor in it as Life comprised of nature, rocks, seas and so on, animals, birds, fish and so breathe, do rocks and what sustains them? I felt that breath was a carrier of a Life essence, some refer it as qi, prana, life force, spirit, which possibly sustains all Life and maybe the quantum essence from the vacuum? 

The came the realisation that my inculcation, the brain washed conditioned mind was at odds with Life's intention for me and that caused breathing to alter into modes of difficulty, tightness and fear with tension. Then I felt to trust the breath to surrender to the breath as it was a gift and from the Unknown and the ego rebelled, it wanted to rule supreme and taste the momentary tastes of power, lust, greed and I felt these were impermanent and transitory never the less the thousands of years of bombardment of beliefs, rituals, disciplines were so ingrained that they were like a separate entity in me, a lodger, a tenant who was sometimes quite impossible to reason with and downright hostile and shared the same breath as me, I and who was this I that breathed through my fleshly cocoon?     

Then came a doubt and yet strangely confirming and comforting; I came across many quotes and saying from many sources. 'A monk who saw the leaves falling, the birds migrating and the snows and winter and when the birds came back, the trees budding and the spring grasses came, he exclaimed 'all this and I didn't do a thing to make it happen' from this I got it is done for one and nature indeed the Universe and my little ego and the collective ego can thwart my ideals and be at odds with the Great Source of Life, how I wanted to let go and just Trust In Life. Then 'Consider the Lilies of the field in all their glorious beauty they toil not or spin and also the sparrows they all have their supply and the Source of Life knows this and knows their needs'. There were many more quotes and examples, for instance, my beard grows and hair for a while after death my bodily functions go on even with neglect and yet my ego pushes for control and the Frank Sinatra song 'I did it my way'  epitomises this.  

And now, the end is near
And so I face the final curtain
My friend, I'll say it clear
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain
I've lived a life that's full
I traveled each and every highway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way

[Verse 2]
Regrets, I've had a few
But then again, too few to mention
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption
I planned each charted course
Each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way

[Chorus]
Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all, when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out
I faced it all, and I stood tall
And did it my way

Yes the 'I' comes into it a lot and this is the the old question asked in Self Growth and the Quest 'Who am I?

SHACK  aka   GEOFF