At one time in my early years I felt my Sensei was cold and hard and very Japanese or oriental and then later I had grown to like my Sifu and understood his somewhat seeming remoteness. These were of course my perceptions ah la upbringing, cultural acceptance and of course being young at the time of the world war two and the media about the Japanese on the cruelty and torture of the prisoner of war camps and the Nazi concentration camps( it seems we are going back to camps and torture by many nations in 2017) my perception was laundered by these events and of course being born into a Jewish family.
My early years with Sensei certainly had an effect on my family and they could see that I was no longer following my Jewish religion, I tried to explain that Zen was a way of Life and not actually a religion. They thought as did my few mates and girlfriends I had become remote, cold and hard. One of my girlfriends thought she could not reach the real me and I lived in a Ivory Tower and was introverted and needed psychiatry.
I had and have tried to explain in articles I did online and in this Post some blogs back that after my Koan incident with Sensei his remark to me was 'sit down have a cup of tea now your troubles begin, you will never be the same'. At that time I felt elated together and at peace. I was very young just eighteen in 1956 and the profound change hit me hard, not at the time of the Koan 'ha ha' but then going out to work and so on was a real challenge.
The friends did not have the same values as me, not to say they were wrong and me right, and my workmates thought me odd and my neighbors now share that view. My neighbors often say ' he's a nice bloke really, very helpful and kind, but odd, seems odd somehow, can't put my finger on it really'
Over the last few years I just cannot grieve over dear ones who have passed on, yes I miss them for a while and just move on, it is not because I believe in a heaven or life after death, in fact I have few beliefs, I just feel a lot of compassion and feel life is eternal in some form or other, I have no father or mother image of God, no man with beard, no mother angel or deity, just this feeling of a presence of some sort, invisible and yet powerful in a dynamic energy, perhaps I am deluded and kidding myself and substituting this for a definite dogma, guru, figure head and religious outlet.
Meditation and Qi Gong seem to be the foundation of living on Earth at present. My family have a sort of distance from me and me from them, I feel I have no family, I feel they are like people I know, I have no friends I love as such, I just regard them as people, no favorites or ones I like best. I have deep respect for folk and deep compassion for them and Earth with nature. I cannot love especially anything or anyone, yet I am moved to tears at certain feelings of deep love I feel in meditation, yet this is an ethereal love if you like and it is not the love of human affection.
I really do not have a special love or like for any person who ever they are. I feel gratitude to be living on Earth and for no special reason than being alive and aware. I am ready to leave Earth anytime Life moves me on and am fast shedding any regrets and past shadows. So hopefully when I leave this incarnation I will have cleared a sufficient amount of debit and karma and end this round of Earthly visits.
So the remoteness I feel is such; when I look at trees and animals, insects, birds and fish, plants and vistas, yes they are beautiful and then next slide please, yes exquisite and exotic, yes move on please. Attachments we have to defend as they become securities and the mechanisms of defense and attack can be our modus operandum so maybe cold and hard is perhaps really emotionally stable and I cannot claim to be that consistently nor do I suppress my emotions I am in the process of becoming, becoming what one may ask?
Rocks and mountains are shaped by the weather, they are a sculpture in making, should one be shaped by Life, the Dao, The Do, the Tao, the course of evolution by nature and its Host, then one moves on and allows Life to be the signature of Evolution in me and everything, and if nature seems cruel to some there is a reason which maybe hidden and yet reveals itself in its right timing.
So cold or hard, right or wrong, hot and cold, emotional love or compassion, these are the seasons of Life and like the weather and cycles of Earth it depends how one navigates these and reacts---perhaps this is there to test and refine and the sculpture turns out to be either one's own agenda conditioned by cultural, religious or political agendas or the Agenda of Natures Evolution which is passed onto us by the Universe and the Cosmic Plan.
I really do not have a special love or like for any person who ever they are. I feel gratitude to be living on Earth and for no special reason than being alive and aware. I am ready to leave Earth anytime Life moves me on and am fast shedding any regrets and past shadows. So hopefully when I leave this incarnation I will have cleared a sufficient amount of debit and karma and end this round of Earthly visits.
So the remoteness I feel is such; when I look at trees and animals, insects, birds and fish, plants and vistas, yes they are beautiful and then next slide please, yes exquisite and exotic, yes move on please. Attachments we have to defend as they become securities and the mechanisms of defense and attack can be our modus operandum so maybe cold and hard is perhaps really emotionally stable and I cannot claim to be that consistently nor do I suppress my emotions I am in the process of becoming, becoming what one may ask?
Rocks and mountains are shaped by the weather, they are a sculpture in making, should one be shaped by Life, the Dao, The Do, the Tao, the course of evolution by nature and its Host, then one moves on and allows Life to be the signature of Evolution in me and everything, and if nature seems cruel to some there is a reason which maybe hidden and yet reveals itself in its right timing.
So cold or hard, right or wrong, hot and cold, emotional love or compassion, these are the seasons of Life and like the weather and cycles of Earth it depends how one navigates these and reacts---perhaps this is there to test and refine and the sculpture turns out to be either one's own agenda conditioned by cultural, religious or political agendas or the Agenda of Natures Evolution which is passed onto us by the Universe and the Cosmic Plan.
SHACK
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