 |
| Den of Geek |
As I type this on the 14 January 2023 I am reminded of a KrishnaMurti quote'it is in the mirror of relationships that we may find ourselves. I had pondered this for many years and found many 'conditioned' reactions in myself through it.
I even had some years of living free in a way and not reacting and were peaceful and joyous. Then the last three or four years with the lockdowns due to the bad flu I feel called Covid, by the way I never had Covid, the nastiness in me and others became apparent, I felt their fear and honestly rather smugly felt I can cope with this through my diet, meditation, Qi Gong and then I secretly laughed at the mask wearer's and if you read my blog I hammered the authorities and those that would not let any expert talk or hint about the narrative put out by the WHO, The Gates Foundation and the WEF. The alternative view is still being suppressed by a media which is but a political arm of whatever view of the political, pharmaceutical or religious view it supports or is financed by.
I was coming aware of my own very biased agenda; I had ben writing in this site about conditioning, a brief review of it; When we are born we are given a name, a religion (atheism in my mind is a religion) a culture and so on and some conditioning, brain washing and a word I feel epitomises the whole structure inculcation. We were brain washed robots and mostly without choice and taught to be who we are, when we awaken to this it can be a shock and this could be the first step on discovering oneself or seeing this shy away into distraction and denial.
To that extent I realised intellectually that, that conditioning became one's identity and reality. Furthermore if it became steadfast it could become so cemented that would kill, maim and war could ensue if one's inculcation opposed another and I made a quote about the space vacated when the bombshell exploded and I said 'I have nowhere to hang my hat', I felt I could live without and identity and I felt for a while I was free and perhaps enlightened?
Then I realised through and incident I will go into further on, I maybe intellectually awakened and psychologically somewhat at ease and then a real 'whack on the side of the head'( a title of a book which I will attempt to read).
In the block of flats where I live there have been many trials with the residents and the management. We have six managers leave and about five or six area supervisors for a company that owns 50,000 properties. Our latest manager is very dogmatic, will not budge an inch and will go as to lose her job rather than backdown. This manager irritates, irks and brings out the very deep anger in me, we have crossed swords twice so to speak. The latest one brought out the very worst of me and the manager.
I went to bed that night looking at every way I could win and get the manager to apologise. Then the penny dropped, I did not like the mangers attitude or in fact anything else about the manager. I saw in the mirror that I did not like this behaviour in me. Of course I knew this and also in counselling others and in my psychotherapy with clients, time and time again I have seen this in them and me. Yes I know this and glibly went on and had a few confrontations with friends and colleagues, I had seen in the forensic work how murders and aggravated assault worked in this way, also police doing another down for promotion and business shenanigans.
I felt I had cleared mine; Oh boy this confrontation really brought it home at a deep personal level and I realised that there is no such thing as enlightenment until one is enlightened, my ego which I thought I knew about took an almighty swipe and shifted some heavy duty crud out of the system.
I realised I was clinging to my own system of 'the gap, comfortable without an identity as such and so on'. It was a reality about no reality, I realised that space of mind became a sort of focal point and was still local mind with extended borders. This was a clash of the Titans and the manager would never climb down nor give and inch, nor would I. I found myself looking for a way to get the manager by fair or foul means and got so stressed in bed as above that I got hot and my head nearly burst with overthinking and demonic stratifies, I will die rather than give in, I have not got to this point in my life over various incidents.
Why this manager?; I don't know. Then it came, I felt to give way, the dying was that part of my ego, I let it go, what a relief, I then did ho opono pono(Hoʻoponopono is a traditional Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness. The Hawaiian word translates into English simply as correction, (I do not agree with correction) I truly acknowledge and bless the manager for bringing this mirror of myself to me. The manager was my teacher and taught me a good lesson. It took a Titan Ego to show me my Titan Ego. I also realised I used to say we only teach that which we have to learn and how true that is.
The fact that I thought the ego was emptied so to speak is an assumption which it may well be to steer away from. So the learning goes on and I am ever grateful to our new manager, it will be interesting how we get on after this.
SHACK
No comments:
Post a Comment