MOTHER EARTH IS CONTINUALLY PREGNANT.
SHACK
Sunday, 15 March 2020
SHACK 748 AFRAID
There was a quote I heard from a film just recently 'I spent the whole of my Life being afraid of Myself' and I realised that many people in my life and myself had either a background unease or very real tangible tension and anxiety of fear and uncertainty.
Even though I had that breakthrough so very early in the late 50's and that phrase given to me by my own Sensei through the Koan which pierced my brain so to speak and something dropped away, something tore away a mind set and I cannot even to this day say what left and what remained, for days I was in peace, joy, light and the words of Sensei 'you will never be the same, the world will not understand you or you it, it will seem strange and you will not fit in anywhere, now your troubles begin'. It now seems I am that Sensei to myself.
I was an apprentice electrician and I had joined a firm that travelled in the UK fitting shops up and at home doing jobs and also then teaching Judo, Kendo and meditation, the jobbing electricians were
hard and unfaithful to their wives, the boss hard and unscrupulous and I was shocked and lived a lonely life with meditation and gym work away from home while they went womanising. The contrast between meditation and Judo and all sent confusion into me. I began to loose touch with that 'space' I had in the Koan experience.
I then became a full fledged electrician and joined the Metropolitan Police electromechanical maintenance team at the Met Police Collage in Hendon / Colindale where I lived in Hendon as well. The peace of the Collage was welcome and I got together with Gilly who became my partner and then I found forensics after moving to to the West End as a supervisor of Maintenance and eventually returning to Hendon and then to Forensics. I then had a few sabbaticals to Spain, Canada, Scotland and many excursions into religions, guru's, philosophy, TV and radio appearances, love affairs, an affair with an escort girl and academia and science, this is a rough synopsis of a very eventful life.
All through this was health problems with cancers or suspected cancers and scares of the lungs and prostate and miraculously they healed and was said to be spontaneous remissions. I noticed this background anxiety and indeed suffered panic attacks and was very sensitive to health issues bordering on hypochondria at times.
There was these seemingly endless contradictions which caused despair, confusion and a contrary 'adhesion' to what is reality? The world and experience of the joy, light, freedom of and in the space of the Koan and the joys of money, fleshly pursuits, material success which were enjoyable and the peer pressure to be material and all of that. For many years I did not meditate and then with health problems and the burn out from travelling weekends to Europe to present many workshops and the endless patients in healing and therapy, the cancers came and I retired from it all in 2000. I gradually began to meditate and realised how afraid I was, the background tension and my tired body and mind and I realised they were the same began to unwind, I realised I did not trust myself and indeed was afraid of myself, the auto responses, the programming, the conditioning were not me and yet they were and as I realised these programmes and agendas were not me I was appalled to see the grip and the habitual dictatorship they had on my life, I was living someone else's brain washed dictates, the fear was then 'who am I' and what identity did I have, where do I fit in without an identity and so on.
The fear was coming to the surface, my very existence was not real if I were a mere idea, a programme set by human religion, politics, medical procedures, wars, culture and of course wealth and money and position' a person of note, an authority. It was then I realised that the Koan had torn this whole wordily cacophony from my 'head brain space' I had to experience the world and its attributes and its ID cards, its compartmentalised hysteria of now facial recognition, AI, complete utter surveillance of every move and thought, social engineering, big huge brother, so THEY know everything about you and mold you into a robotic person so they feel safe from their paranoia and always know and predict and feel safe from any unpredictable circumstance, the ultimate insurance policy and safety zone.
In my own way I was always making sure I had my supplements, routines, disciplines, I was safe with the known procedures of my own agendas modified from my conditioning and brain washing and then smugly private and secretive thought I had peace in this ivory tower of the safety net of my own manufactured 'no Identity', but was it no identity?
Indeed not; this was the safety net of those above, I was the surveillance and AI, my own facial recognition as I looked in the mirror or my body for any weakness's or ageing, for any disturbing news or event. The ace fake news of manufacturing and an identity on a Zen empty mind, and so the fragile conditioning was RECOGNISED as fragile, thought minded put together programmes which were just the empty agendas and beliefs which were impermanent and this was the anxiety that my intuition felt they were unreal in the sense of their impermanence, their foundations were 'pie in the sky' and such could I trust these fragility's and so my false fake beliefs which over the years I had made solid by habit and therefore the known were and now seen as false, although at the time, unshakeable and on solid ground that made sense and backed up by many wise powerful people and so my reality was set, bound and accepted, until the cracks appeared and the Koan reared its head.
The fear was coming to the surface, my very existence was not real if I were a mere idea, a programme set by human religion, politics, medical procedures, wars, culture and of course wealth and money and position' a person of note, an authority. It was then I realised that the Koan had torn this whole wordily cacophony from my 'head brain space' I had to experience the world and its attributes and its ID cards, its compartmentalised hysteria of now facial recognition, AI, complete utter surveillance of every move and thought, social engineering, big huge brother, so THEY know everything about you and mold you into a robotic person so they feel safe from their paranoia and always know and predict and feel safe from any unpredictable circumstance, the ultimate insurance policy and safety zone.
In my own way I was always making sure I had my supplements, routines, disciplines, I was safe with the known procedures of my own agendas modified from my conditioning and brain washing and then smugly private and secretive thought I had peace in this ivory tower of the safety net of my own manufactured 'no Identity', but was it no identity?
Indeed not; this was the safety net of those above, I was the surveillance and AI, my own facial recognition as I looked in the mirror or my body for any weakness's or ageing, for any disturbing news or event. The ace fake news of manufacturing and an identity on a Zen empty mind, and so the fragile conditioning was RECOGNISED as fragile, thought minded put together programmes which were just the empty agendas and beliefs which were impermanent and this was the anxiety that my intuition felt they were unreal in the sense of their impermanence, their foundations were 'pie in the sky' and such could I trust these fragility's and so my false fake beliefs which over the years I had made solid by habit and therefore the known were and now seen as false, although at the time, unshakeable and on solid ground that made sense and backed up by many wise powerful people and so my reality was set, bound and accepted, until the cracks appeared and the Koan reared its head.
So where am I now, I don't know and that is seeming to be very OK for now.
SHACK
In the image at the top many of us can feel that we are being stalked by 'bad' luck just when all seems well, whack, the saboteur strikes, and maybe the saboteur has the 'job' of breaking down the surmised solid reality of ones beliefs which may have been not appropriate and now leave a space for whatever.(SHACK)
SHACK 747 PRIORITY
Make A Meme
What is the prime goal of my life?; is it too have been successful in having a wonderful career, to be famous and to have every accolade possible, to be a King, a CEO of a vast international global conglomerate, an adored sports personality or film star, a mega rich mafiosi, a super soldier or something tremendously admired in wordily terms or a simple peasant, a man of the fields and wildness's with a family and beautiful wife with sexual satisfaction and many children, a porn star having wild sexual experiences, an Astronaut roaming in the darkness of space in a rocket chair being a personal space craft indeed just like this flesh body in the space craft Earth, flying through endless space to an unknown destiny and surviving five mass extinctions, or is it to live healthily until one hundred and twenty years of age or even beyond and endless other fleshly fears and joys?
These now seem old pursuits, it seems like dreams that have come and gone and I am experiencing these as days gone by never to be retrieved and yet a tinge of regret and a sigh of relief that it dawns on me that perhaps the human journey is to find these things are impermanent and that rust and decay ending the disappearance of all that seemed so solid and everlasting and the horror and unease at realising that all this fades with the passage of time and time is measured by the durability and life of the form and in the end death swallows all, for some this is terrifying, others may find it fascinating or a relief from suffering, others may feel they are going home.
However for me at this moment in February 2020 I feel that I came to experience this beautiful Earth Mother Being and to realise that the Universe and all in it is impermanent, here today and gone tomorrow and that clinging to the notion of everything is permanent in its visible form to the human senses and even to mind constructs in dreams, fantasies and conjectures is fleeting, passing clouds, leafs that fall with Autumn and migrating birds and animals and I shall migrate to a realm which I feel but know not.
And maybe there is no other invisible realm and that all the above fades to oblivion and that there is no heaven or hell, reincarnation or any form of recycling and yet despite this I feel I came from the nowhere as it were and will return to the nowhere and as such I have no form or name or location and am the nameless invisible being and perhaps even that is an identity which is an appeal to find something to cling too forever and the forever is forever and plays the game of discovering that nothing is the goal and there is no goal and strangely enough this suffices-------be it now in February 2020 and what is February 2020 in the transit through endless space in the Cosmos?
SHACK
SHACK 746 QUESTIONS
ONE CAN MAKE MEANING
OUT OF ANYTHING
IT BECOMES BELIEF
IT SEEMS REAL
IS IT REAL, IS ANYTHING REAL, ITS ALL IN THE MIND
AND WHAT IS MIND?
SHACK
SHACK 745 ENDLESS
123RF. com.
This vast endless reservoir of endless possibilities and probabilities of every combination imaginable and unimaginable, the sheer wonder of it all.
Where is this fount, this unending wonder, this magic, this supply this everything and every conceivable and inconceivable manifestation of visible realms and dimensions and those yet to be discovered and experienced and who is the author of it all?
Is it a wonder in this incredible contemplation that the mind of humans can go into ecstasy, fantasy, overwhelm, upheaval even madness, suicidal tendencies, not to do away with life as it is and depression, but to set free the limitations and dive headlong into this realm of endless joy and revelation, a sort of longing to join eternal life and the freedom from fleshly pursuits.
A longing to be free of the human brain limitations and join the Cosmic Dance of endless delight of the Spirit.
SHACK
ASME
Sunday, 1 March 2020
SHACK 744 THE ANSWER
 |
| Enlightenment Therapy. New York Times |
Japanese Rock Garden
I like the caption on the top image by the NYT because the raking around the garden in creating the patterns in the sand is an art and well worth researching it is a profound meditation in itself.
However one might try to find enlightenment which I feel is a misleading goal, it has a catch in it, one cannot find empty peace of mind by filling the mind with the goal of being empty. One might get a logical belief and convince oneself that the happy peaceful mind can be cultivated but this maybe just a 'mind affirmation and momentary buzzes of highs which might be beset by oscillations and yo yo between exaltation and depression.
No amount of mantra, yantra, affirmations, chanting, imagery, visualisations, meditations, hypnosis, drugs and so on will achieve that Satori, that Nirvana until the mind has given up and become empty of any solution, surrender and appeasement. It happens when 'something drops through the safety net, the trap door, the platform collapses and there it is absolutely nothing' this has been my experiences in the Ko Satori the minor glimpses.
The brain has tried every design in it's sand neurons so to speak, raked every angle and possibility and exhausted and either retreats to distraction, madness or suicide and lets go of everything in despair and perhaps the safety net fractures and the rent in the fabric of conditioning sets one off again in the pursuit of nothingness and one realises the fabric of conditioning is brain washing as set out in many earlier articles.
No amount of mantra, yantra, affirmations, chanting, imagery, visualisations, meditations, hypnosis, drugs and so on will achieve that Satori, that Nirvana until the mind has given up and become empty of any solution, surrender and appeasement. It happens when 'something drops through the safety net, the trap door, the platform collapses and there it is absolutely nothing' this has been my experiences in the Ko Satori the minor glimpses.
The brain has tried every design in it's sand neurons so to speak, raked every angle and possibility and exhausted and either retreats to distraction, madness or suicide and lets go of everything in despair and perhaps the safety net fractures and the rent in the fabric of conditioning sets one off again in the pursuit of nothingness and one realises the fabric of conditioning is brain washing as set out in many earlier articles.
SHACK
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