SHACK 913 OH DEAR

  

Vocal

There is a distinct difference in being arrogant, bullish and brazen than self, self love. Self love is a quiet 'confidence' based on a feeling of some sort of trust in one's abilities plus a sort of almost trust in the divinity of Life and its source.

I've often blamed God for not loving me or to being ignored by fate and left to 'hang out and dry' however on closer inspection and introspection I have found it is not God's fault.

Through seemingly inexplicable vicissitudes through the passages of life and its various incarnations, the seemingly fete du compli on the treadmill to be born into a family that is dysfunctional and for some reason one of the offspring cannot cope or seems to have inherited a 'lack of confidence' 'self defacing' and a sad lack of 'self esteem' then obviously that person feels unworthy and is astounded when recognised or rewarded.

So not feeling worthy of saving, loving or some have said 'they are a waste of space' they might project this onto God and not realising that are loved, or feel the love of God or another person, they unknowingly block the flow of love feeling they are unworthy off it. They are indeed cutting off the supply because they are fulfilling their mission in life 'the programme of unworthiness and self contempt at being so', this is their life's ambition to fulfil that which this deep embedded program, brain washing and behavioural inheritance has inculcated in them.  

This state of affairs carries on until death and the gladness of being at the hand and dictates of the saboteur and hating and yet loving it in some garbled way. Hating the suffering, yet loving the feeling of accomplishing the program. This love hate anomaly persists and of course the dichotomy causes confusion, loss of energy, mental aberrations and sometimes spectacular outbursts of anger because the underlying cause is not natural to the human psyche.

Is there a way out of this dilemma?; perhaps some counselling and psychotherapy may help, but I have found meditation, mindfulness, feedback through recording one's thoughts on a digital recorder and listening to the tone of one's voice, keeping a diary / journal and listening and looking in meditation in a non judgemental way to that which spontaneously arises in the witnessing non biased way to the presentations presented. The programme is a 'self perpetuating hierarchy' which fuels itself by its own sustainable energy drawn from the psyche and is a sort of independent entity and can be seen as the 'not me' in meditation.

One may have to experiment and be determined and not suppress the feelings of inadequacy and put downs by others and oneself and 'catch the triggers' to set off or be sabotaged by them, for indeed the saboteur is the 'deep embedded brain washed programme' instilled in the womb and at birth and from there on.

The uterus-al experience is received by the developing brain and senses as 'feelings' and verbosity is not recognised or understood. Later on the feelings are understood by demonstration of parents and peers and then words are associated with the feeling and of course repetitive which is inculcation and becomes etched, deeply ingrained and one takes this as the norm and reality.  

Sometimes a tragic event, a so called life shattering calamity can 'shake loose'  the shackles or deepen the woe. However the clarity in the mind once the tethers and ties are glimpsed at and eventually removed is worth the effort despite the seemingly odds at accomplishing the freedom so desired and sought after.

                                         SHACK