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| Alamy |
I got to musing and ruminating and have been going through a lazy sort of idylic sort of meandering when one of my intrusions to the peace was suddenly intruded by a long fantasy and the song of long ago came to mind;
There's nothing left for me
Of days that used to beThey're just a memoryAmong my souvenirsSome letters sad and blueA photograph or twoI see a rose from youAmong my souvenirsA few more tokens restWithin my treasure chestAnd, though they do their bestTo give me consolation,I count them all apartAnd, as the teardrops start,I find a broken heartAmong my souvenirsI count them all apartAnd, as the teardrops start,I find a broken heartAmong my souvenirs
I feel a sort of melancholy, not depression and it sort of resonates with the 'empty mind' Zen stuff. The world is in a mess right now that is August 2022 and two or three years before that in fact it took hold in 2012 and then some.
My souvenirs are in fantasies as they portray a brain washed ego lamenting over its failure to succeed in worldly success and materialism and its taste of the spiritual void so to speak and yet knowing these intervals of real grace and bliss and reluctantly lets go and slipping down the slippery slope to what it feels is abandonment and boredom and or the fiery pit of hell, or a mind so delusional that it gives way to one of the fantasies and goes mad or senile and yet is pulled back by the awareness of the One, the empty and unreal to the senses but really real to the Spirit.
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| The Minds Journal |
I found myself feeling- thinking that I was God frantically searching and sometimes poring over or sometimes nonchalantly gazing at the stars and galaxies and the life forms thereof and saying 'all this clutter' and yet so beautiful and these are my fantasies and souvenir's. Of course my ego is God to my mind stuff brain washed collection. So perhaps the ego has its own form of awareness perhaps an awareness of bias and judgement based on it input and import of collected experiences over many lifetimes.
Maybe many of these fantasies and day dreams of times gone by were unfinished business from a another incarnation and the chance now to see just as that, unfinished karma and they are to be seen as a chance to do forgiveness to the ego for the hurt it has caused others and itself. The ego is realising itself as an entity, a splinter of the pure awareness and is running through these scenarios as a way of expiating or releasing the emotional bonds, the bonds that tie and bind us to the past and the energy ego that feeds of off it. Perhaps the past was full of obsession, possession as it now to some extent and the sadness I now feel and the crying that comes across me is to feel compassion for those like me who are trapped in materialism and dictatorship and are overwhelmed by fear and repression not loved and not able to love, as love is frozen by fear. Arrogantly I know of some peace and bliss and yearn to share this with the oppressed and offer it as away out or at least relief and have compassion on those that cry out in the dark knight of the soul to reach out to the masses in some way and say'sit together and touch the heart' and hope to feel that peace that passes all understanding' and like me just a glance, a wink, a flash, a fleeting pass as like the wind wafting a flower scent and then gone, it gives hope that this is not the end and the only Life.
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| Britannica |
There's nothing left for me
Of days that used to beThey're just a memoryAmong my souvenirsSome letters sad and blueA photograph or twoI see a rose from youAmong my souvenirsA few more tokens restWithin my treasure chestAnd, though they do their bestTo give me consolation,I count them all apartAnd, as the teardrops start,I find a broken heartAmong my souvenirsI count them all apartAnd, as the teardrops start,I find a broken heartAmong my souvenirs
This is a story of an old man so it is said and realising he is old and regrets his age and fond romantic memories. I wrote a heart rending in SHACK 21 and SHACK 144 which seemed to echo the liberation from the past and go into the now and embrace the space that the past had vacated and just let life unfold. God knows there is the same old stars, galaxies, life forms and the same old, same old and perhaps God has taken Its own advice and rest in the silence and get to know who it is. Great Spirit, God Almighty I ask you that I ask myself who were you before you started creation? Maybe it is a biggest mystery to you as it is to me and maybe infiniteness and eternity are there for there is no answer and our minds are and will be continually searching but without anxiety and letting the mysterious flows of life in all dimensions carry on with fun and wonder? The endless quest and search is the process of Eternity and infiniteness is the process of nothing.
SHACK
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