So often I have heard said 'what is my purpose in Life' is it just to have a family, get married, fulfill a biological need, be successful in some way or another, be famous, become a celebrity in whatever field there is to fulfill?
Perhaps even when fulfilled in whatever endeavour one has chosen or even failed to be fulfilled and then perhaps the challenge to try and try again here, may still be, so whats next. Some have achieved the pinnacle of their dreams and then have a nagging doubt; I will die, yes I am fulfilled and die satisfied I have achieved my materialistic dreams, there is no God or afterlife so I go reconciled. On the other hand some may wonder is there something more another hobby, dream I can pursue? They may realise if they look at history, study the origins of the world and life, is there not more to it than just materialistic hoarding, yet the lure of materialism and its hedonistic delights may just stop further investigation.
Then comes the nagging question if all of materialism is temporary, a kind of virtual human set of agreements passed down over the ages what has been the purpose, it may seem shallow as say the origins of life and the Universe?
One then can become depressed and say 'all my endeavours have been instilled in me by agreements of my ancestors and I could have been any religion, culture and anything and anybody, is this my agreement, have I thought this through, who am I without the beliefs that have been instilled in me, are they me or someone else's hand me downs, indeed is there a purpose in human egoistic brain washing only to feel safe in the tribe and religion, cultural uniformity, political ethos and peer acceptance?
On close examination and being courageous, fearless to face the truth of oneself, one may find that I am not who I thought I was, I am someones else's ideas, customs, speech and follow like a sheep, ah yes one says, I am unique and think for myself, no one tells me what to do or think-----really at an honest review and an impartial put aside of one's beliefs and on scrutiny it may dawn on one--I am not the person I thought I was, I am a clone of ideas and so on.
This can lead one to feel lonely, isolated, frightened, depressed and one is then seeking a new identity, somewhere to belong, another religion, tribe, culture and then the realisation that they are just the as the one that one is leaving. Maybe there is a honeymoon period in a new way and then the same old feeling of frustration enters the new led life.
One may seek to drown one's lack of purpose and emptiness of disbelief and regret and not having 'seen through this ruse' earlier, the wasted years and endeavours and now seemingly bereft, no identity that is satisfying, no seeming purpose, oh my what have I done, I am up the creek without a boat or paddle?
Then one can wonder does the Universe, God or whatever have a purpose? Or did the big bang be a purposeless ruse as well, did God just have a joke on his creation? For me I started to look into reality and the shock of the empty atom, the observer effect in particle physics and before that when very young in meditation going beyond the thinking mind with Sensei's Koan and my Minor Satori and being told and realised 'you will never be the same again, you will never fit in anywhere and you are young and will be tested by the world' then realising that the years that followed, football, electrics, forensics, physics, relationships, religion, travel, presenting workshops, healing's, clinics and patients, off grid in Spain, Scotland and Canada, retirement ET UFO and NASA, all were temporary all were just an attempt to 'be somebody and hang my hat on the hook and have an identity, a PH.D of knowledge that faded with time and new discoveries made that degree redundant and unless research was continued, so what was the purpose in identity if it faded with senility, death and perhaps a void, a place of non existence in any form, no afterlife and perhaps the Universe was vainly trying, desperately grasping at the many manifestations and dimensions in order to find its own origin and identity?
This stark reality hits home when really digested and thought through. If the Universe is lost where am I, if the Universe is lost what chance have I then? Can I live without a purpose or belief or the only belief is that there is no purpose, no reason or anything and what is the purpose of law and order if there is no reason just because the Universe made a cock up and is looking for Itself in me, in us, why should we have a religion if there is no God, is it because we wish to survive and religion is indeed human made to keep us safe from annihilation. The strange paradox of religions fighting each other for what purpose if God has no purpose or exists.
OK can one live without human purpose and surmises there is no God, saviour, avatar or guru? Searching for this human identity, just having a name, any name and just being a human being, nameless, a profession being what one does and not who one is, on deep reflection on being a brain washed conditioned programmed individual and now beginning to strip away the layers of indoctrination and having past the shock of discovering who one is not living with what seemed to be a barren wasteland, a veritable desert, lonely, quiet, distractions annoying and irritable, running away from the seeming boredom of being empty so to speak, one may stumble on sitting with this apparent void, this dark hole of seeming oblivion and venture into it, like gradually immersing into a hot bath, the sea, the dark night outside without a torch. Then realising it is not so scary, it is fact welcoming and the darkness becomes a glimmer and the lack of thoughts, sensations, just a relaxing body and mind, fear of the darkness receding in the mind, it becomes known to one this I did not think up, manufacture, fantasise, make up a gimmick or read somewhere.
Following on from this one begins to immerse oneself further and as the layers of darkness peel away there is glimmer of light which expands and the darkness peels away, to some suddenly to other gradually then somehow, something intuitively spontaneously begins to whisper, the still small quiet voice that is recognised as not one's own or internal dialogue mind chatter, it has a deep resonance with one's utmost essential being, it gives purpose without specifics, it is a mystery and it doesn't matter if there is a God, the Universe or humanity has a purpose this is the purpose of no purpose and one is content to rest in its Being.
SHACK
