SHACK 51 SMUG

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listening on the phone to the messages and real time conversation the feeling comes----we all have a story our history which brings us to where this present moment is which also becomes history. So the feeling gets deeper; why on earth is this so important, history is a memory like a remembered dream and I the listener feels smug, because in that moment I am only listening and not living the emotions of the caller, although I might be sympathetic and empathetic.

I feel I am free I do not feel this and I give advice and many times the caller feels grateful, this boosts my smugness until I become the caller. 

What is being smug, for me it is feeling I am safe in my theory, beliefs in my past achievements.  However on close inspection it is realized these are memories and if brought forth into the present and lived as reality become my future is but a replay of a modified past. The yawning chasm hits home, there is no future it is merely a rerun, a forward button on the video recorder in the mind. There is no originality in this, only when the mind is fooled it is. So the future is a cosmetic replay of the past. Basically stuck and halted. 

New thrills and innovations are sort, some distractions from the burning issue which might arise as; if there is no originality only make overs and distractions they are endless dogs chasing tails then what is there beside this?

Taking nature and evolution when the dinosaurs, saber toothed tigers, mammoths, old stone man and all were in fashion, for the really original to take place a sort of wipe out, an extinction, a wiping of the slate and board took place.

Oh boy! so for me, and us all does it mean we / me have to wipe the slate clean?  Does this mean suicide, blow up the world? 

It might mean to be aware of the past by observing the mind in quiet non judgemental fashion, an interested observer of what arises and has the frame of mind; who is this thinker and where did those thoughts, feelings and emotions arise from and where are they stored?

When the questions subside and the mind becomes empty naturally, the reflex to think and promulgate thought, because the mind is not used to not thinking, the incessant chatter of the internal dialogue, then there is quiet, then there is no distraction or past, present or future, one is truly in the now and there is nothing to be smug about.

SHACK 

SHACK 50 RUNAWAY

chris floyd--empire burlesque 

Travelling far and wide and each new bend in the road hoping to find that special one, that view that feeling.

Stopping and residing for a while, then moving on. Then feeling this is the place, the energy is good, the few people are seemingly well disposed towards themselves and me. Then finding this is not it.  Wondering what it is, looks like, feels like?

Suddenly, quickly writing furiously in a mad rush packing bags, hitting the road and driving fast, the runaway train in the psyche pushes the accelerator, the gas pedal.  Where is it?

Having been to many beauty spots, museums, places of historic and spiritual importance, to the residences of famous long gone people, been to brothels and cat houses houses in a blood horror forensic career, seen bull fights, night clubs, strippers, porn, dealt with horror and beauty, loved and been loved, been near death's doors, survived vilifying, been enraged and besieged with hate and venom, loved till the ends and back in sublime bliss. 

Becoming world weary with the constant wars, corruption, pollution and every devious and dirty trick in the book, sauntering towards cynicism and yet something pulls up the sliding to a sort of dumb nonchalance. Becoming soured and distrusting seeing nervous faces in the crowd, very few smiling.

Feeling of what is there left to do here? What purpose is being served. Slipping into depression and hauled back by a familiar and yet uncanny kind of call, deep or high, a whisper and then running like mad from it.

Then in rare moments this dull ache, this drudgery of the ages leaves, the year gone bye, the grey scudding clouds, the damp cold wind and drizzle subside and a moment of warmth seeps into the misty window of perception and it is what is there to do when there is nothing in the world for one anymore.

It is to find that essence of who one is and that one has to give up the world and yet live in it----why is this? 

It might be humanity and all there is were created in order to find they are passing dreams and all there is and was put here and there in order to find this out and give them up----that beyond all dreams is the dreamer and all is well.  

 SHACK

SHACK 49 DEEP SPACE

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Gazing at the Stars, so many, such majesty, such titanic awesome beauty that it touches some deep and yet natural part of me, as I gasp and murmur, purr in delight it comes to me that I am losing myself in this scenario.  This sense of  loss of the daily normal awareness is not scary it is lovely and peaceful and the stars and I are gradually melting into an awareness in which there is a deep sharing beyond words and description, and it seems real unconditional union which leads to a deep love of----well something without communication for that is oneness.  

One day I have the feeling if there is quietness, solitude and inner courage, that part of me that is not the normal everyday awareness   will leave smoothly and silently and join the spaceless space and go even beyond the stars to the Mystery of Creation which not a single iota of a clue for humans in a flesh body can comprehend.

Its seems the loss of self in these timeless moments gives a preview an aperitif of what's to come.

SHACK

SHACK 48 JUMPING

metal archives

Jumping and leaping into the void

Not a physical jump

A mind jump

How can you jump into nothing?

Jumping into another dream

Only to find it is only a dream

Dreams have no substance

So where do I go

Go to where I is

Where is the I?

In the Void

SHACK

SHACK 47 HARD TO SWALLOW

alex wijnen

Shattering the illusion that even awareness, being present as the great Eastern Philosophy and practice advices is OK to a point.

The false reality of the ego a catch in the net of Life's experience's not taking into account perish the thought many lives before---your kidding! All this adds up to just what they are  just experience's which change like the weather and the seasons and looked into and examined should bring one to the awakening----are these really real?  Is this all the world and reality is, changing with the idioms, fashions and crazes, religions, politics and scientific discovery which usually says 'all that theory and theories were OK for that era but now-----?  Changing one's mind fundamentally changes one's reality-----so what is really real, a solid reality?  Maybe there isn't one----that's hard to swallow.

Yet realizing there is the reality of no reality can be liberating or really just contemplated and felt as dare it be said----real.

If just an idea, mental and intellectual masturbation then clean underwear maybe the reality of the day.

There is an awareness which watches so it  feels that one is on the look out for what is not ego, this is the sentinel of some spiritual or philosophical concept measuring experiences and thoughts as yea or nay according to the precepts of that concept.  Then there is the awareness of the ego on the look out for a breach in its fortress and quick to summon up its defense and attack, its vast arsenal and array of weaponry which it can modify and maneuverer exceedingly rapidly and change like a chameleon with subtle nuances and camouflage. 

So what is there?  Only one who has gone, literally gone, in or out of the body and ceases to exist as a body and yet is an awareness and yet not consciously mind dead becomes that which is.

This is not hard to swallow because there is nowt there to swallow.  

SHACK

There's nowt so queer as folk.  An old Northern UK saying. 

Todo o nada --all or nothing  Spanish    

No hay nada mas----there is nothing else.  Spanish.

neeshtoh--nothing.  Russian

  

SHACK 46 NO FAITH --NO TRUST

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LIVE LIKE A TREE

shack

No faith not having a religion or a direct recognizable spiritual path yet just sitting quietly is sufficient.  The quiet mind seems to connect to a something, not really a something, it's not tangible, it's a feeling like no other feeling. 

Then this trust issue.  At an early age prayer did not seem to answer and bring a solution, it was hard to believe in an unseen deity and a figure of any deity just seemed to be subject to life and death just as any mortal.

For years on end it was as if the  journey of Life was a chance with destiny and being often called an atheist, a heathen, you must have faith and trust, you are being tossed about by the vagrancies of Life, mere flotsam and jetsam, a leaf blown wildly by the winds of fortune with no purpose, ambition or direction. 

Yet at times there was direction, an inner knowing from the unknown wilderness, the utter desolation in the quiet mind came a gentle warm covering inside / outside / everywhere this is the action or direction to implement.

A feeling of absolute appropriateness and going against conventional wisdom, this was a kind of faith and trust. A sort of faith and trust in the unknown.  Maybe this is the missing key to the God of many religions and faith. 

Perhaps the trust and faith have been there all the while yet not recognized by others and Self.   For trust in the unknown needs no house of prayer or supplication, it is sitting still, quietening the waves of panic and fear, passion and the need for safety, no festivals to celebrate, no family which means all are family, it means no attachments which is attached to all----how so?

By being a floater, a surfer in the unknown, surfing on no apparent surface, one rides the invisible and all opposites are blended into a unity, so hot/cold, light/dark come together to be an unknown where the surface to surf is provided.

Hard to comprehend?

Then let go into the wilderness of the empty mind and surf when arriving.

This is the trust of No Trust and the Faith of No Faith.

Hard one says.  Not really if one views hard and soft as opposites!

 

 SHACK

the search for the divine.wordpress.com

IN THE SILENCE OF THE SELF---THE MEANING OF LIFE IS REVEALED

shack

SHACK 45 CHOICE

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Walking into one of those highway stop overs and into the plastic mini diner, a sad self service attendant nodded at the greeting, getting a bottle of water in a plastic bottle and sandwich wrapped in plastic and tasting like plastic and seated opposite a man with restless sad gray blue eyes, and balding gray sparse hair and a wrinkled face. 

He sighed and spluttered over his coffee and sad ' the world is shit you know?'  'Oh how's that was the reply?  I am a physiotherapist and a counselor and psychiatrist and to get to where people are coming from is a mystery, what the fuck goes on inside their crummy heads, I'm on the edge of a breakdown, I'm freaking out. Do I use Freud, Jung, Adler, transactional analysis or just, or just'.

With that he got up, farted and burped, went out and got into an expensive limousine and drove off at high speed.   

The notion came that should one try to use a formula, Freud and so on it means fitting or sussing out their 'shit' it is OK to a point, however what happens if the theory does not fit the occasion? However what happens if one takes a person as a whole and listens to their story and pain, listening without a theory of a famous shrink going on as a background reference, this brings about a still alertness which the 'patient' or pain feeler feels and in that quiet rapport something comes out and is given permission to be released.  Listening whole heartedly without judgment gives the permission and a silent signal to feel safe and release without being evaluated. 

The sad eyed one felt his education did not service his need for healing, a good man, relying on the problem to fix a problem, he seemed to be attracting the blockage by being intellectual and its logic or just prescribing drugs, its all a brain that is deficient in certain chemicals. 

Looking across at the Gas Station a sign was winking in bright red tubes 'Wild Bean --Sign was broken---only the first part showed and that seemed to be apt for the occasion, most of the populace are well drilled in the monotony of modern life and would love to be off the hook and  not too conforming and just be a Wild Bean.

Off course Wild Bean may conjure up visions of a long haired bearded  person with a club or shot gun marauding down the high street yelling profanities and threatening young maidens or could wild mean in tune with nature and like the bean not been boiled scrubbed cleaned, heated to kill bacteria, coated with preservatives and additives to add to the shelf life and then put into a plastic packet which takes a chain saw to open and then is delivered to a plastic eating house to plastic people.

SHACK