Amazing Little Sleeper
Waking
up from the dreams of the past. Almost a kind of severance and getting a
glimpse of the hold and fascination of the dream, as if were reality in fact
seemingly the only reality.
The
glamour, the drama and the history of Geoff Freed is dying and leaving
eventually Geoff F_r_ee_d.
I felt a type of panic, a real gut fear when I was
about to write this down as I do on rough paper, I hesitated put the paper back
an then tentatively began to write this down on this Wednesday 30th
May 2018 at about 09.15 and then nearly withdrew. I recognised this fear as
possibly boasting and sticking my neck out, which from the past has cost me
dearly and huge setbacks. I was gut sick that these statements would come back
to haunt me and taunt me, the old poor me, the bad luck, the low esteem,
frightened of being a fake me, the return of anxiety and panic attacks, feeling
inferior, lack of money and health issues with terrible world conditions and so
on.
Here I am approaching eighty years young and have
been aware of these aspects for at least sixty years and have worked on them
for as long as that. These issues are in layers; I have understood them
mentally, logically, psychologically and even had Ah HA’s however the remnants
and fine grains remain and they try to reassemble into the hard core. It remind
me of asteroids and floating debris trying to attract their separate specks of
fine dust and particles to form their own ego agenda back, it feels as if the
magnetic fields try to magnetise the old debris to reassemble.
So here I am semi willing to take a chance on
Life. I have a heart issue it is atrial
fibrillation and I feel it is psychosomatic and is about a loving heart, a real
heartfelt being with no ego agenda’s. Certainly in meditation and so on the
panic attacks and anxiety is relieved.
It’s like the past and its turbulence, childhood stuff was ‘half
hearted’ I really never fully participated in life at all. I never really
experienced love, relationships and was the outsider.
The witness awareness consciousness is aliveness
and is Life Itself, it is the fount of potential, the bullet before fired, the
quantum zero field of all possibilities and probabilities and offers the
energetic resources and is the fuel of creation. The witness awareness of the
‘beingness’ not the ego awareness of its agenda enjoys the Cosmic Drama and is
not affected by it, it is sort of laid back, detached not by effort by
recognition of its temporary and illusionary nature, a sort enjoy, let go, move
on, a curious interested viewer.
Witnessing if retained becomes a memory which can
‘stick’ as the past and then regurgitate as the future, so denying the new,
original and creative. This can cause
distortion and a time loop. Indigestion
of the past and chewing the cud.
SHACK
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