SHACK 765 QUIET

Dr Kevin Gyurina

I can't stand the quiet quiet he shouted at me how can you stand it?

I could not really answer him because when I did it infuriated him

I just said I like it and prefer it.

There were several of us and we had to go away and work and 

share lodgings or caravans, tents or whatever, this was years back.

In the morning many would reach out for a cigarette 

and switch on the radio whilst still in bed

Some would go out to the gym or jog and I do meditation, Kata and Tai chi.

In the evening it was either TV, Cinema, a dance hall or the pub.

I preferred to go into the countryside and do meditation 

or just read.

Some said I was gay, some weird, some just shrugged and laughed

and there were a few said 'let him be we'r all different'.

I truly did understand their way for I had been into all of the

things above and more. Many of the 'professed married men' 

and those committed into relationships were 'unfaithful' 

and I asked some of them if you found out your wife or girl friend 

was ' having  it off' with another person  what would you do?

'I would fucking kill her and him'

So it's OK for you and not them'

'Too true wierdy'.

They would come up to me and threaten and one did punch me but

I did just do a slight  restraining on him that put the rest off.

I did feel it was wrong and it bothered me, then after some time 

reflecting on this I realised that I had been through this in many 

ways and their excuse or reasoning was

'well its different for fellow it means nothing it's just fun, like going to a prostitute, just a relief, the old women at home    

is the one Love'

I realised that it's no use reasoning or discussing for they like me were adamant about our life styles and would lead to serious and threatening confrontation.

I still have trouble getting my head around it because having been cheated on and me cheating in relationships I had the audacity to criticise them and that makes me a hypocrite.

I remember the pain in these incidences and in my childhood with parents and relatives and who knows the pain and memories these fellows have and the brain washing and so on.

I realise now how important it is not too judge and feel pompous

in my life style and feel superior and I am learning through these teachers above not to be picky and arrogant and this is again how I feel about war and injustice. It is a hard lesson to find love in the midst of today's world with the homeless, pollution, war, austerity and yet one can condone behaviour and yet still be forgiving, not just words of forgiveness but a feeling of forgiveness which brings peace and eventually reconciliation. 

SHACK 

SHACK 764 WHERE?

dreamtime.com

Since there is no describable place to go in empty mind 

it seems barren and a desert

outside one travels physically and one can go

all these places outside so to speak are only possible

by the mind experiencing them through the body.

All form is impermanent and as is the body

So the burning question is

Is the empty glowing mind of peace when thought subsides

Is it a mere psychological survival coping mechanism?

Is and does this survive when the body and form dissolves

or is just a mind game and is there is nothing

just horrible dark oblivion and since there is oblivion

would it be dark or anything?

So there there seems nowhere to go or be

ARE YOU SURE?

Watch the mind scramble and fear creep in as one tries to escape

death and oblivion and not believing in the empty mind glow

and then create a distraction and a fantasy or addiction

anything but nothing.

Dive into nothingness and find what resistance the mind has to it

Be a Spiritual Samurai ka, a warrior keenly and alertly awaiting 

a foe that seems real and discovering it only a figment of the  

imagination instilled in one when one was naive and innocent

The empty glow of the no mind restores innocence and is

protected by the intuitive glow of inner sustainability.

SHACK  

SHACK 763 TRANSCENDENTAL

Piccadilly Hotel--LastMinute. com 

There are many explanations in the dictionaries regarding the word transcendental going from a realm that is spiritual to an experience not easily or not having a meaning or logical or simply outside one's normal mind set of experiences. 

Be that as it may my understanding of this relates to the SHACK's preceding this in the 'place' 'experience' ' beyond thought' where there is an absence of thought, mentation and understanding. 

My great friend and one of my many mentors was Roy Morris and we walking in Piccadilly in London and we came across a notice on a hotel, should my memory serve me correct it was the Piccadilly Hotel 'Transcendental Meditation' and I have described the experience elsewhere in this site and what the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi said to Roy and I.

 Roy and his wife Rina joined the meditation and got the mantra and I preferred to do the meditation that Sensei had suggested and I was going out of Japanese Martial Arts(actually they were not martial) the way they taught was to be mindful whilst in physical practice and in sitting in Za Zen and in life and then went into the Chinese Arts of Taichi, Kung Fu and now Qi Gong and found a Sifu, again I have written on this in this site, such as SHACK's 69, 70, 71, 81, 101, 121 these are mainly about Sensei. 

The Maharishi when leading one into meditation at free lectures would say go 'down' down' down' and breathing and sitting near him his eyes seem lose their shine and he would seem to go deep  and somewhere else and he could and did draw people into that sinking down and out, many fell asleep. I felt at times to up and out and expand, I am sure other than devotees who had been initiated into their mantra, which consisted of looking at in the mind and spinning it and following it down to the point which I was told one fell off into bliss and just before one fell off so to speak, should one make a wish then it could by constant repetition would manifest.  

I was fortunate as a non devotee to have talks with Mahesh and I put it to him the 'bit before one fell off and wished 'could relate to the creative fount of the Universe' he sort of agreed and said there were no adequate words to describe this consciousness. 

I would say now this is akin to the 'wood breaking' as in SHACK '69--70 --and so on above and now to the Quantum 'Realms' where there is every possibility and probability and the two split / slit experiment explained beautifully in the cartoon and yet very serious and informative by the cartoon character 'Dr Quantum' and the observer effect, oh I can hear the howls of derision from Academia yet I plough on. 

So a quote from the bible 'Peace I leave you not as the world knows peace but that peace that passes all understanding'. Many in meditation have felt that glow of the peace when thought subsides and I have attempted to touch on in the last few articles and to me that is transcendental not as method of meditation but where it leaves one.

One may now ponder who is this one?  

SHACK

SHACK 762 THAWING

YOU TUBE

In a way this is similar to SHACK 761. In my meditation experiences they may feel the same sometimes however there are subtle nuances which only the quiet alert and yet soft awareness feels, it doesn't discern or distinguish as such neither does it relate to any other experience it always feels so pristine and new like snow untrod-den.

As I sit relax and breathe there is a peeling away of tension and thought and then gently this peeling, this unfolding feels that the layers of thought and preoccupation seem to unfreeze limb and mind and as the defrosting proceeds there is dripping of a thawing mind set that gradually like demisting the car window and there one is exposed to the radiance, that is the glow of the Self.

SHACK

SHACK 761 FINDING

Freeimages.com

Finding the Self is the heart unlocked and this means all limited negative feelings and thoughts are dissolved and set aside as if the energy and power of love from the unlocked heart melted them in it's gaze.

SHACK

SHACK 760 ALIVE AGAIN

Worldblade.wordpress.com

It's always fascinated me when I read about Jesus and various Yogi's, adepts, shamans, mystics and such like talk and experience resurrection, renewal, rejuvenation, regeneration, healing's, miraculous events, synchronistic occurrences and such like.

Quotes from all bibles as follows in their own idiom; 'Those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their their strength' meaning to me is that when I become still feel this inflow of something as it if were replenishing me physically and taking away the fever of anxious brain tightening thought. 'Be still and know I am God within thee' this I fee is when I relax, surrender willingly, not in desperation and again go past the the thinking intellect, that is outward world so to speak and seem to sink gradually down, like a leaf floating down and caught in the aromatic breeze of a benevolent current of something precious and a gift from the unknown and sometimes rise like a balloon in no particular direction and to climb lazily through the clouds into a place and space in consciousness which is like the kiss of heaven, so exquisite and luxurious that contentment and bliss seem a natural occurrence and accompanied by a resurgence of spirit and hope. 

There are many such quotes as above, I have seen as renewal, regeneration, rejuvenation and there are those approaching this from the supplements, herbs, elixirs, physical mystic mudra's, they may prolong life and make one feel well and perhaps by continual practice and discipline it will lead to that feeling of connective-ness and well being that will mean that the exercises are not needed anymore and one has found the consciousness that is the epitome in fact beyond epitome and facsimile or having to imbibe from methods, mantra, yantra, affirmations, imagery, visualisations, hypnosis, auto suggestion, subliminal or binaural (with auto suggestions, plain binaural is OK to a point) and Guru darshan (certain Guru's are said to be able to impart spiritual grace to a devotee) so how do I feel about all this.     

I do not claim to be enlightened or anything other to be a true human being being created out of parents and of course beyond parenting to be born or in a way spawned from the Stars and of course the creator of the Stars, that Intelligence far beyond the ken of the human mind but not the feeling. To me a true human is one who has caught the subtle scent in the quiet moments and feels this extraordinary grace and lives by it in one's life.

   

There is this feeling of oneness with this grace and it can be felt like a balm and soothing the fevered brow that can beset one in worldly affairs. It is like a tree that lives in an agreeable climate and near water and the leaves never shrivel and are always green and bear fruit and even when the season arrives to autumn and winter it returns invigorated in spring and fully risen in Summer. 

When this stillness steals across my body and I relax and come away from the cacophony of the world and even gaze at nature and not of cars, scurrying people, noise and antagonism. I feel not human but as something else not male or female and have no definition or category nay not even a hint of compartmental-ism, I am who I am where I am and where I am has no location.  I seem to go beyond the body and even Earthly realms, there is naught to see nor any notion or thought, tiredness, fatigue, restlessness seem to drain away and I feel renewed. I am so relaxed and yet not asleep, not day dreaming or in a trance or stupor and find I am somewhere in nowhere.

This is not just endorphins.

This is beneficial to my body and I feel new energy, a new life  gradually saturates my physiology and it can easily be usurped by intrusive discordant thought. Certainly doing Qi Gong, meditation and awareness breathing sends out an invitation to the quiet mind to which is already the base and the foundation and is the eternal foundation as it were, the invitation is from the hunger and thirst of the weary soul to let go of the angst, angers, frustration that  it perceives at an out of kilter materialistic world and its frustration at not be able to change it and also it's own inability to quell the uprising ego that still is attached to the very world the soul wishes to leave.

Interestingly enough it reminds me of water; water to me is the example of the spirit, the grace that I allude to. It flows gracefully gives refreshment, it is lovely to bathe and swim in and is powerful and can pervade into most spaces, it provides food and nourishment to all life it is said to hold memory and its touch can be soothing and of balm. Water baffles scientists and water baptises and is so many things, it is mysterious and yet so wonderfully tangible.

For me rejuvenation is the feeling of aliveness and sharp awareness when I am surrendered willingly and thirst for its renewal in my mind and seeping through the marshes of my flesh especially in older years. Regeneration is the effect and affect of the 'topping' up of my discharged battery. Renewal is the complete process in its achievement.

The ultimate would be in increments; to feel this grace, this divine gift at intervals, to realise this is my true nature, then to quell not by force but by glimpsed and experiences this is the true life for me and that the ego, which is my pre programmed, brain washed conditioned mind may be convinced that this is the goal of the life in my body and what I to came realise, self realisation whilst still residing in a temporary, transient impermanent beautiful flesh vehicle and ultimately to live out my remaining physical years in this grace state and be unshakeable in it, and then ultimately again on passing from this body to be one with grace will be what happens when one is eternal grace is a mystery to the human mind suffice to say grace is and grace does.

SHACK

SHACK 759 BEFORE

Facebbok

Occasionally I get a warm glow that my time of passing is somehow ordained and I shall pass from this mortal coil not before but when the timing is right. Maybe my destiny is not in my hands or should I say in one way it is; should I go the way of the world in its debauchery, decadence, sybartism, epicureanism, hedonism and of la doice vita, then I plant the seeds of my fate by the former aspects  of the life I chose either voluntary or by hereditary, cultural or peer pressure and of course being brain washed from an early age and set on tram lines fixed and no other way was offered.

However perhaps a jolt an awakening or some fortuitous event a series of synchronous events, seeming coincidental or perhaps by an invisible guiding hand, a benefactor, a sponsor, a patron then a switch may occur, this benefactor is invisible and yet seems to have chosen a path for me and heaven knows why for I see myself unworthy for such a blessing however my patron has other ideas.

So as I said occasionally I get this feeling I am looked after, not so much physically although some miracles have come about, yet it is the feeling of it's OK, it's fine, it really is a passing cloud and can pass in a nano second so to speak. Where this arises from and it's source may come from the indwelling Ghost in the Machine as alluded to in SHACK 758.

If this be the case that awareness as the Ghost in the Machine, the invisible host, God, or whatever name one desperately tries and frustratingly endeavours to define and so make visible and thereby tangible this benefactor so that human senses may hug and clasp this feeling as a form it would be so gratifying, yet if it were fleshly it would not live forever and have the fate of mortals. It can be that a relationship with another mortal can be joyous and fulfilling however on their or my departure there is sadness and loss.

However I am sad in a way that feeling of surety is fleeting and there can be a sadness at it's passing and yet there remains a vestige of hope and fondness.   

I suppose faith is the word that is needed to cling onto that in darker moments one might reach out to the invisible warmth of the comforter and that feeling is given from the unknown as grace and a blessing and indeed in moments of dire need this has been so. I am ashamed to admit I get let down by myself as I sometimes doubt my patron and forget and even blame my invisible benefactor and then desperately apologise for my unceremonious display of displeasure and angst.

I then rebuke myself and often get down on my knees and say 'Father - Mother God forgive me for I do know what I do and yet somehow am not strong enough in trust and faith to lift myself up to you, I am not worthy of your grace and love', of course then comes in the fact 'well your only human' 'to err is human to forgive is divine' 'Well you had a lousy childhood and psychologically you lack self worth and confidence--what can expect' 'you didn't trust people and have been let down and yourself so often, so if you can't trust what you see and touch how do you expect to trust the invisible?' and so on and so forth.

Yet this is the saviour; by all the gross stuff as in my Forensics career and sad loneliness in the electrician apprentice and fully qualified 'sparks'' before Forensics, the massive workshop presentations, the endless one to one sessions with patients, the plane trips, rail journeys, driving seemingly endless miles, the years away from work travelling and staying at various places abroad in communities and so on and in isolation, the illnesses that nearly killed me, the relationships which faltered and in this often despairing, desperate journey and many happy fun and sexual encounters with pretty ladies, there was this deep yearning for this warm glow of love and grace from the unknown, it somehow drew me like a magnet like the call  of the siren 'in Greek mythology, the Sirens were dangerous creatures, who lured nearby sailors with their ... When he heard their beautiful song, he ordered the sailors to untie him but they bound him tighter. When they had passed out of earshot'  A haunting nuance of an ancient melody from before time begun. It seems my sponsor loves me despite my unworthiness to realise that my sponsor is divine and as such has reached beyond the foibles and pettiness of human behaviour and by the very fact my sponsor sends this warm shower of cherry blossom love warm glow, my sponsor reveals itself in its own unfathomably way and so be it.

Even beyond my doubts and distrust this ray of hope and upliftment arises and my wish to bask in this glow forever. Is  it a mere mind trick stuff that my cunning ego manufactures to ensure its own future, this I can only say has a different feel and I feel in my gut and toes to head it is beyond the prison of the thought ridden conditioned mind and then the doubting Thomas says 'there is no after life, this is the brain and endorphins, mere hormonal secretions that come about when one is lonely or depressed and one psyches oneself up and yet with all of that I feel this comes spontaneously intuitively from beyond the realm of psychological, intellectual, biological and the primitive brains instinctual survival and there is not a shred of evidence to support this but my own experience a deep feeling of its authenticity.

SHACK

  

SHACK 758 DEEP

Angel in Astronave

Often I have heard and read that the real self or the Kingdom of Heaven is Within, Deep Within you is the Hub and Nexus, it the Centre of Oneself, The Self, The Spirit, God Within and so on.

On reflection a few points came up; if I am a collection of trillions of cells, a community of bacteria, a tangle of veins, muscles, arteries, skin and bone then one could say the center is or just below he navel, then moving to thoughts they are random and come and go unless one is focused on a particular topic and subject and should one dare to say we are inhabited by a spiritual being who is not tangible in itself only in its cladding which is described above, so where is this Heaven Within then? And does this refer to something invisible and can a nebulous energy have a centre or even be tangible or is it just a myth and a programme, another belief by ancient sages and indeed when our body expires that's it and end game.

However I feel deep within can mean when one is in meditation or rare moments when it seems either by the facilitation of meditation, or somehow like washing up and the mind seems focused on nothing in particular and is mechanically in a habitual drying washing and stacking, suddenly the clouds of thought and fantasy, and mind chatter floats away and then one can feel joy, peace and deep within means passing through and dissolving by a natural mind that unclasps itself and one feels one's true self.

This unfurling, this implicate slow drift or sudden jolt from he internal dialogue, like the clouds revealing a gap to let the Sun shine and warm the 'cockles of the heart' and there is a non corporate body that feels and observes the non tangible feeling and it is an awareness that is not contrived or manufactured but is and feels like this point of easy laid back and yet strangely and uniquely spontaneous and 'easy peasy' accomplishment that seems to need no effort and yet nebulous, etheric and yet again a dynamic.

This beyond all means is the Kingdom of Heaven, actually is not within anything that is corporal that has tangible form, it is the Ghost in the Machine and ones awareness has become unfocused from the machine and realises one is the awareness that observes the machine and is sort a feeling consciousness that resides in the machine, like one of theses driver-less cars driven by some computer signals, the car is observable the signal not so, the Ghost is oneself and deep within is passing through the layers of programming, conditioning, brain washing and discovering.  I was and am here before the body and any form therein and will continue in this something indescribable and invisible conscious alive experience and although not somatic which disintegrates and  is either interred or cremated or some such ritual this living alive conscious awareness lives on and seemingly forever.

 SHACK

SHACK 757 THE MEMBRANE

Byju's

Watching TV at a fairly reasonable volume and enjoying it in a relaxed frame of mind and relaxed body the whole experience by and large was enjoyable. When the presentation finished I went out to the bathroom and when I returned there was a glaring, harsh colouring, vile language, shouting gunfire and scenes of blood, gore and muck. In my forensic days somehow I could go with gore, muck and vile smells, this however was a TV programme nineteen years after forensics. 

I felt this go into my brain somehow and it felt like there was a membrane something akin to clingfilm wrapped around the frontal lobes and this membrane retained the impressions of the movie like a series of pixels or microdots that somehow encapsulated or stored these violent scenes, it was like the membrane reverberated and somehow retained these vivid scenarios and felt like assaults on my brain and being.  

It was if my whole energy and nervous field had been abused and violated. Sleep was difficult that night and I found myself dreaming as if I were there in that scenario. It taught me the that the reverberations not only shocked my nervous system and like a spiders web or guitar strings it kept echoing and tingling as the the membrane reverberated to the impact of the sensations of noise and sound and like the spider when it senses the web being invaded my awareness felt that my whole web of my energy / nervous / beingness had been struck and made weak and a loss of vital energy leaked into the space around my auric sheaths and fields.

I surmise that unseen entities feed off of this shattering and sloughing off of this high pitched crescendo, this cacophony of shrieking, growling, blood lust carnage. I also surmise that people who may watch this regularly, also in actual war theatres become a target for the dark forces that feed off of this and maybe become hosts to these entities and possibly drug addicts, sex addicts in fact many other addictions can become possessed and be host to negative destructive forces. 

SHACK

Richmond Publishing
It did feel like echoing and as if it were whirling around my brain or space in the head.(SHACK)

SHACK 756 BEYOND BELIEF

Courtesy and Thank you Shutterstock

I don't know how many times I have thought this, contemplated this, ruminated this and sought explanations and solutions that satisfied my intellect and understanding and yet seems so simple and incredulous and yet persists at times and to be frustrating and when dropped calming.

So what is it?;I observe people walking, trees growing, animals moving, fish swimming, insects crawling, bees buzzing, birds flying, clouds moving, myself breathing, hair and nails growing, food for eating and the miracle of Life and all that it encompasses.

How do people walk, I know the mechanics and the brain coordination, chemical messages, nerves, joints and all the biology, yes, but how do they walk, we emerge from space from emptiness and a tree is as alive as me, it grows as I do, I walk and grow, a tree moves not as in walking yet lives and grows, yes I understand the ecology but how does it grow. I know about the Sun and plants photosynthesise and the chlorophyll and all that but how do they do this as we do in our own unique and pertinent way as does all other aspect and functions in nature. 

Yes, yes, OK, whether it be a Big Bang Accident, A creator, Intelligent design, whether like AI somehow from the mud and slime to the Intelligent Creator, there is in my opinion a Prime Directive, be it self taught which I do not subscribe too or the directive of an Intelligent Life Source never the less it boggles my mind as I stare incredulously at this walking of humans, animals, buzzing insects, crawling insects, burrowing beings, birds, mountains, the soil and non moving trees I meditate go to the emptiness of pure awareness and realise even if there was Big Bang, God Almighty an Accident and Spontaneous event with no reason or origin, how, how, how. I cannot rest, it is a paradox and koan of the supreme order, it is the Who AM I of all Who Am I's if I know, feel and intuit this I know about walking and non moving trees, I know intimately and intuitively beyond reason and explanation what is Life and living and all the above share in common. The oneness and inter connectivity, the real internet of everything and everybody.

This knowledge is not logical, intellectual or even remotely understandable indeed it defies logic and academic evaluation and so the human arrogance and stubborn refusal to acknowledge anything superior than the human ego falters on the steps of this transcendental consciousness and intelligence, an intelligence far removed and in another dimension and capacity beyond the flesh brain and yet the flesh brain can catch glimpses like TV receiver that catches a glitch or so of a programme fine and sensitive and is hearkened to a spontaneous, intuitive inspiration beyond mortal thought and received in micro nano seconds, pictures, words, ideas compressed into this lightening bolt, this flash of knowledge and thought processes. 

This seems to arrive when the thinking mind is suspended not by suspension, repression, contemplation and seems to occur when the mind is still, sometimes by washing, up, gazing in an unfixed way, meditation on nothing, an extraordinary letting go of the thinking process and thought filled inner chatter, the so called internal dialogue, the busy mind ceases, not asleep but extraordinarily alert about nothing, an acute awareness, an unfocused alert emptiness and from this space of emptiness there arises either extreme peace and joy or silent words and knowings or this almighty lightening comprehension which maybe had never even been in the realms of the recipient's interest or vocabulary.    

This is the realms so to speak of the Intelligent Directive the Invincible and Invisible Creator and from here Life issues forth and because the thought processes are 'turned off' naturally without any intentional motive only to become still and just be, this provides a chalice as it were a receptivity, an invitation and like electricity a capacity and facilitation which enables the flow from the positive to the negative poles, the potential differences which maybe akin to space being positive and consciousness or the empty brain being negative to accommodate the flow. In plumbing the water tank being higher than the tap.  

I would assume that pregnant mothers feel the life of  the child and may have contemplated this miracle of life stirring within them. Then deeper the information and directive of the cells as they divide to form the fetus and the cells going to perform their duties to the organs and formation of the babe to emerge.  

When living in the wild in Minorca before it was organised, I was awakened by the farmer who I rented my shack from (100 pesetas a month) calling me to assist three men and myself to hold a rope which was tied to the legs of a calf being born in a breech birth, we tugged as the farmer called---izqierda (left) Y (and) derecha(right), two men on the right rope and two on the left, I was on the left, the granjero (farmer accent over 'j' ) called which way to pull. The calf came out with a lot mooing from the cow, and the farmer quickly removed the ropes and told us to get out of the way at a distance, the cow licked the after birth and the calf which staggered to her feet, it was a lovely female calf. I stood aghast and marvelled at the birth as I have done at human births. Incidentally I lived in a cabana del pastor (accent over 'n' --herdsman cottage---my shack)

Courtesy  oneoffplaces

This was the Cabana, this was not the actual one, mine was smaller and a balcony which was a grain store, the finca(farm) was about half a mile away.

My Camera and in Canada in the wild, moved to a smaller one later and then another as I explored

These miracles of birth, the birth of new hair and nails, baby to seniors--as the astonishment and wonder of it all brings to me the gratitude and the miracles of every day living and knowing the technicalities and head stuff takes away the wonder, the vigour and enjoyment, like seeing it for the first time, the child like appreciation and not taking it for granted with the realisation that to experience it is like this, I find my mind empty of thought and therefore comparison and judgement and so it does not remind me of anything, it is pristine, new and alive, everything is reborn when there is no background of thought, and so my astonishment reigns and my fear of not thinking and 'know that I know that I know and be certain and secure' is replaced with I know that I do not know but when I need to know I will know.

SHACK

Death and dying are the unknown and if experienced with 'no mind awareness', it can be an astonishment as above, another wondrous experience in the cycle of life, this is my hope and prayer for conscious dying, perhaps being reborn in consciousness and directed by it.SHACK