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| Conscious Life News |
A tightly packed ego(full of programmes and stuck in conditioning with deep entrenched beliefs) is like a visible rock that stands exposed and so is prone to attack and then it may have to defend itself, which most stubborn ego's do with relish and pride.
It employs many strategies and capitulation, surrender and defeat maybe a waiting game and keeps the shape and ethos in order to reestablish itself at an appropriate propitious opportunistic 'right timing' moment.
When a shattering of the rock occurs this breakdown can cause great consternation and fear and lead to chaos and this becomes bewildering causing great overwhelm, upheaval which could then lead to depression, unhealthy pursuits of distraction and even suicidal thoughts or attempts.
In the process of the shattering dilemma one may try to recoup the broken fragmented pieces analogous to pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. Should one come to the understanding that this chaos was the result of a long overdue 'sell by date'and whatever the cause of the broken ego be it, relationship breakup, bankruptcy, illness or whatever, this may have been the wake up call for a decaying non fulfilling non fit for service set of circumstance and hard core conditioning that no longer really serve any benefit any longer.
This gap, this seemingly desolate boring depressing space of a seemingly non ending unhealthy nothingness, this chaotic nightmare where every attempt to fill the great yawning hole, this bottomless pit of darkness seems to preside over one's life and hope dwindling to the depths of despair and frustration looming at every attempt to patch or restore some semblance of order and norm all of these attempts produce more doom and gloom.
Then should one reflect that one might have gone through such episodes in the past and come through then one may come through again. I have had such episodes and I have experienced the emotions and all that goes with it and yet somehow I have survived.
In my case as it were something in me prompted me to realise that I could not break through in any way, I was lost and when I realised that my meditative path, not surprisingly prayer and faith, but through meditation I had watched, observed and brought forth a witness when I realised and examined where and how these beliefs and structures came from.
I remember years spent at the Police College in the Forensic Laboratory and at Marylebone Police Station ( behind Marble Arch) my four years away from work on Sabbaticals (Spain, Scotland, Canada, India, Africa{Psychic episodes and Astral Travelling and remote viewing}the hours of Zen like sitting and coming to hear the noise of thoughts, loud like a 'ghetto blaster' and seeing them arise as if they came slowly from a mysterious nowhere and return to this nowhere space / place. They seemed detached like clouds merely to appear and disappear. In themselves they had no meaning, sometimes they evoked emotions and holographic like images onto a screen that also was 'not there tangibly' it was all mind stuff, fluffy cartoons that were apparitions and were transparent and had no substance.
When all this cacophony frittered away, faded like the Sun slowly sinking into the horizon and all was quiet there was this 'glow' this opalescence, this iridescence, this calm and just me being aware of awareness, this seemed to suggest I was witnessing 'I or me' and this was not mine alone every atom and particle in the Cosmos was at its fundamental essence self aware of itself. After that creation forms and one can lose oneself in creativity and form and then can realise who is the witness too or of it. Indeed at its essence form is like thoughts and is impermanent and just chasing ghosts and shadows a veritable Don Quixote by Miguel de Cervantes and his illusions regarding windmills.
So this shattering and the chaos affords one the opportunity and looking back at 'what shattered and its content, its bits and pieces' one can if alert enough and non opinionated and suspend judgement can come to the conclusion 'that I do not know why it had such a hold on me' and then just shrug it off realising it was just like a bad dream.
So the dwelling in chaos which is the shattered dream that seemed so watertight and reality and then realising that reality was just a chosen and selected accumulation of thoughts that seemed so real and now nothing but a gap, yet from adopting the witness through meditation allows the witness to be just that a witness without form.
Then one may panic; will I just remain as a witness for ever with no reality? An empty but happy shell, a vacant space where thought once prevailed, a seemingly senile dotard, a smelly unwashed drop out or tramp? It seems the witness, that is in its essence a bright alert awareness is able to magically conjure up from the chaos which is now seen as a place of ease and fun a 'new way' and as long the remnants of the ego do not interfere and hanker after the old shattered patterns and forms, the new way will arrive by synchronicity, co incidentally, intuitively and spontaneously.
SHACK
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