SHACK 1005 NEED ANYONE?

The Daily Guardian

 At times in deep meditation or even just ambling I feel that I am not the body this is not an escape or coping mechanism retreating from a war torn malicious world ethos but e real sense of who I am, no explanation will suffice, I know intuitively, intimately I am that and to what that is I have no way of communicating it other that pointing out that is not that when the need arises.(SHACK)

Do I need anyone? Yes and no; I could need a doctor, a policeman, help in old age perhaps but is this a real need or just an everyday social intercourse. Do I feel lonely if I do not socially mix with people again yes and no, during these lockdowns due to this pandemic I felt great really and enjoyed the 'isolation' I did miss going out to have a short walk or a look at the street, however I truly feel I like people and enjoy the day to day banter and even that is light and I feel to be on my own not because of shyness, yes I feel uncomfortable because I do not have much in common with small talk; like horse race betting, soccer and sport spiel. I have my own subjects and they do not include my neighbours or many others. I am content to let others have their ways.

I cannot really say I crave company, I really like my own company and I find now that I prefer being on my own much more as the quietness and meditation 'grabs me more and more'.

Perhaps this next admission may seem hard and callous; I found at the last few funerals I went too I had to fain sadness and feed off of the mourners by empathetic means and they were really crocodile tears.

Now part of this was due the fact that the 'real' person did not die and I really felt that they were in a 'better place' and also I have not formed intimate emotional ties and only mourned my mother and brother and I find that I am getting less emotional and not moved so much by the TV, news, political encroachments other than a sense of the trampling on people and abusing children, women and nature and a feeling of 'what right have they to manipulate Gods creation and the Divines 'plan of evolution'.

Somehow I am seeing this world as a holographic interlude a shadow of the real world of spirit, this clinging to the flesh as if it were the be and end all and doctors trying to prolong Life when there is a sacred timing to let the soul release its tenacious grip on the flesh when the soul hasn't awakened to itself and feels it is the body,

The body and my body included is a beautiful creation and divine in its workings and journey through life and is gift from the Divine Source, yet at most it is temporary like all forms impermanent and transitory, yet the clinging and wanting immortality in this heavenly vehicle is not to be.

Now there is genetic manipulation, 3D print outs of limbs and organs,  made of a synthetic material joining human and machine, perhaps I am mistaken and this is the way to go and I am not with it so to speak. Yet deep inside and when I say deep inside I mean a feeling in my being not attuned to material things, that I am satisfied with a passing from my mortal cocoon and perhaps am anxious that I pass without agony of illness and infirmity and abuse in an old age home with drugs, doctors, senility, vaccines and wheel chairs, incontinence and brutal psychopathic carers, the actual passing I look forward too whatever the outcome maybe.

I have realised that to really need by emotional ties and lack of a sense of who I am as a being, the joyous peaceful indestructible sense of my witness awareness that being tied and bound like a married couple of many years and the senior people who live in the past and are devastated when the TV, the car or their life long partner dies and it is the end of the world and their life is full of the years past and the future bleak. I seem to be less concerned with the past as if it means nothing and although I remember past events, they are sort of emotionless and just an event a dim forgotten dream and as of now have a good memory of long and short focus.

So the senior homes provide outings, bingo, fun nights, entertainers and tea afternoons and that's fine and dandy and they say why don't you join in, are we not good enough for you and so on? Somehow I see this as a distraction in my eyes and like the impermanence that life is and its slips away like the sands of time running through the fingers and the ice melting in the clasping hand it is in my view like the body ageing, disease striking, earthquakes, hurricanes, accidents, wars, drought and so I feel holding onto another for security and comfort is OK to a point but the real CRUX is to find the imperishable in oneself, not a stiff denial of people out of arrogance and superiority but that KNOWING that one is more than the body and it is difficult or nigh impossible to explain in words or deed and that when one feels this which is a feeling and personal intuitive feeling and not just a theory then one might say I don't need people or in fact anything.

Well yes one needs food, some clothing and shelter which is relatively warm and dry and that has to be left behind some day when the spirit calls one home or to some other dimension and maybe the soul is a nomad that travels wherever the Spirit beckons.

So to cling to the decaying flesh of another watching the youth fade and vigour wane and realising that one can have a companion if they do not rely on one another as there salvation and are joined by loose thin ties and that they have their own safety in themselves and in their sense of who they really are and that the body and all mortal forms are temporary and to lean on them for salvation is again trying to hold onto Life which is moving river and cannot be grasped and one has to let go to the river of light which is always there and yet elusive at the same time.

SHACK   

Curiosmos

The Rock on which seemed so stable, firm and indestructible has to be left behind one day and that support becomes less sturdy and to feel the 'skies' of the spirit, the space of no space, the beckoning and recognition of the call of the spirit, the soul yearning for its real abode and yet real is not quite the word, it is to roam and soar in space with seeming  to be without a rock and yet it is so easy and requires not the effort that the body of rock does. Feeling this space and ease can be sampled and tasted and the glimpses confirm 'I am not the body I am that' (SHACK)