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| Serial Trainer 7 |
This is a sobering and awakening heart rendering offering and article.
Yesterday which was April 1st 2021 I was standing in the street talking to an acquaintance and a man came along a rudely said 'you are blocking the pavement'. I reacted with anger and made a challenge which I do not remember the words and he gave me the middle finger. I felt anger and indignation and yet it seemed to subside. The acquaintance who happened to be a black man seemed to agree with me and said 'what's his problem'?
Later on that day I felt very disturbed over the incident and when going to bed did my forgiveness in the form of Ho opno pono a Hawaiian format ' I'm sorry, please forgive me, I love you and I thank you' this I did in bed and imagined the man and hope that I could meet him again and apologise and hope I could buy him a coffee or cake and would accept my apology. Later I had my usual restless brain buzz fantasies before falling asleep. I had a restless night and many sexual and horny dreams and lucid experiences.
On awakening and gong to the loo several times before awakening, my neck was stiff and I was dizzy and my body tense and aching and I could not face my cold shower, my stools were loose and smelly and I passed urine several times, my blood pressure was huge and I felt really out of kilter.
I felt torn whether to do EFT or listen to a holosync 'Youthful Mind' which are a set of deep penetrating 'Brain Revitaliser' with 'Delta Rejuvenator' and are massively powerful. I did 'Shaking Qi Gong' and then did EFT which started off a release of mammoth and gigantic release and revelations.
I wept profusely and I realised this man in the street was my teacher and a sort of angel in the sense he was instrument in this lesson; I REALISED that I was furiously angry at him, this the EFT brought out, and all the hooponopono was a sham I really wanted to 'smash his fucking body and face into the ground, how dare he question me, invade myspace, doesn't he know who I am, I am God almighty and my ego rage like a massive Inferno, red, hot lust, power and supreme, who the fuck does he think he is, the affront the audacity to intrude into my space, my kingdom of which I ego rule with supreme authority.
I raged on and I realised I knew all of this for had I not written this in so many articles, therapy with patients, workshops presentations and private one to one to ones, I realised my hypocrisy and two faced fake me, the NASA shit, the supreme love, fighter, celebrity in my fantasies which my mind world enacted to compensate for my worldly failure to actually physically enact them, enable them.
I then felt the
fire, the lust, the burning urge to be supreme and in that moment realised that
the blogs / POSTS in www.geoffreed.com (online) were in every way a mirror in
relationships; the eugenics--my ego wanted everyone to be perfect like me, I
would feel safe and secure, technocracy --I would be in charge and have
surveillance world wide--health passports, GMO foods I would control everything
and everybody, illuminati---I would be wise and knowing and they would follow
my creed, elite--yes I above everybody and know how to live life better than
anybody I deserve to have my morals imposed on everyone I am the King and
Supreme Leader of the New World Order, World Economic Forum and the Great
Reset, I would have total wealth and the Reset after the fake pandemic would be
my 'Divine Plan' for the New World Order. I would be greater than God; I would
be the God of God.
I realised that hated them as I hated that man and projected on them and that man all of these attributes if you like and I HATED them because I recognised them in me and I had known this for many, many years and I was in a denial, its them not me and this is my brain washing kicking in; YES intellectually understanding this and desperately trying to erase them through meditation and so called self growth and spiritual values and practices.
Meditation did bring up these issues and the awareness exposed the sheer intensity and burning desire of the ego and it is not until I realised that the ego is me and not the spiritual overlay and the spiritual only comes about when I realise the cesspool of fetid gunk that was held in my body and mind. This morning showed me my aching body and joints harboured these atrocious mind boggling energetic deposits formed into crystals that bound my body in pain in order to hold tight the release that would free me but the go demanded stay put for its safety and its hideaway and sanctuary which was a citadel in my mind that had taken over and become a false security and security as long as it would not be detected and so many smokescreens, a good analogy, for they have no real substance and merely cloud the awareness, until a shakeup up occurs, as was the street incident, although appearing minor really had a deep significance.
Sometime back I did a workshop presentation in Spain at a centre name Cortijo Romero and on it was psychologist who said she sensed a bottled up anger in me. Krishna Murti talked about we find ourselves in the mirror of relationships and he mentioned about the filth in the human mind, again I recognised these in me and others and yet blamed them somewhat and saying 'yes they are inculcated brain washing' and leaving it at that and feeling just intellectually knowing this and by meditation they would go; I now realise I have to own them, NOT just an intellectual psychological and psychiatric therapeutic, psychotherapy counselling ploy, a mere gambit to satisfy the intellect and ego and to merely rise above and yet still retain this in the unconscious to rise when a trigger arose and think it lay quiet until it was awakened.
I am acutely aware that during the lock downs, social distancing and face masks due to this pandemic that even before this I had rages and out bursts and it seemed to be anything from a dropped object to spilling water or some such or the impositions imposed as above, I demanded a still mind and not be disturbed. This was not the peace of meditation but that of the ego that was keenly on guard, no threat and it was OK, it also demanded perfection and everything in its place and I type this I am using 'it' AND THIS IS THE POINT' ISN'T IT?, it is me and this I understood as brain washing and the reaction to its programmes and agendas, BUT this is me a whole lot of the day and night with interludes of meditative quiet, NOW I have to reveal the shit and crap and type it and those who read this at sometime maybe shocked but I have now because of the true exposure of the burning ego to uncover the naked bare vileness of it, while the other side, the dual me, professed holy, non judgemental smug aloofness which I called and relished as the real me, YET was my ego and also a brainwashed part of me that fought battles.
It is fully accepting and acknowledging that I am the ego shit and yet not only knowing this but today realised the fiery energy I felt in my brain and felt so overwhelmed as that man incident in the street brought out, it exposed my 'holy image' and shocked and awakened me to this inferno that resided in my body and mind and that my hypocrisy was fully exposed and laid naked and bare and my lurid dreams were telling me to acknowledge the reality of the ego and it existed not only as a mind play but a frustrated me who was longing to be the dirty horrible nasty little runt who like the Bilderbergs and gang held orgies, did all manners of sexual and abusive acts and that mad power lust felt in a fiery brain which the more gross the act the more the fiery inferno lust burnt, indeed it felt bestial and without mercy, I can understand and feel how human sacrifice, devil worship and that sort of thing fires up the imagination and floods the body with peptides and I suspect from the first brain as it were which is the instinctual brain and so called reptilian brain.
Many a time whilst doing a private one to one in the clinic I really fancied the beautiful woman and yet professional conduct prevailed and I would get uptight and supressed the feelings and would act them out in fantasy or with my girlfriend who at one time was an escort girl and I never knew until much later, so role play really helped there. I used to feel and still do feel jealous of a young lady I am befriending and would love to love her as a man but I am getting OK with that and realised I was jealous of her boyfriend and understood his possessive attitude, I went through that a lot, I feel now how fake that is giving advice to one who feels the same as the patient and perhaps a good therapist can works out the solution for them and me. I even got jealous of our manager here as I felt I was one of his best tenants and he was favouring others, after all I am more important than them and they abuse him verbally and I suck up to him as well so there, it is likened to childhood and incidents there when I was not given attention by dad and all that stuff. I know of psychotherapists, psychiatrist's, doctors, healers and so on who feel that sex and stuff with their patients is very, very much OK, I of course had this in mind I must say occasionally and worked it out in fantasies and so on, I knew all this intellectually and yet could not fully resolve this until I had to really see through the cloud between doing it real time, that is physically so to speak and in the mind. I feel so much lighter and free.
I can only wait and see what the revelation of the inferno does and hopefully it has burned out some of the fake and false me.
SHACK
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| Reward Foundation |
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