SHACK 1031 BURNING ANGER

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The last few weeks say from the middle of June 2021 I have felt a return of anger, very intense anger and have gone through the usual childhood womb stuff, world affairs, Covid and the lies and injustice and then this morning of the 28th June 2021 I felt a glimpse into the nightmare.

The nightmare of this anger which produces victimhood in me came as a sensation, a dark cloud which felt to be in the frontal lobes of the brain and it screamed at me with a vicious intensity ' Get out of my fucking way, my space, your intruding in my territory, its mine get out or I'll cripple and maim you'. Who the attacker is, is not named or seen.

Some mind imagined fantasies are; I rescue people, mainly women and severely beat up the assailant almost to pulp, punish them, torture them until they beg. God help anyone WHO TRANGRESSES my set of rules you will be dealt ruthless and merciless judgement and rules.

My ego has been under assault as I have been doing Qi Gong and vegetarian diet and relaxed more of the strict discipline I have ruthlessly imposed upon myself and my dearest body has a catch two problem; I love the exercise and routines but I drive them and feel guilty and weakened if I miss them and make lame excuses when I miss out and beat myself up and feel I will pass gravel, bleed, get ill and have to call the FUCKING DOCTOR and medical fuckers, I realise I hate and loathe doctors and would like to go alternative complimentary ways of health and practitioners but are hampered by not having enough money to pay for the treatments.

I feel under the hammer and threat of losing our human rights; lockdowns, distancing, vaccine passports and being blackmailed to have vaccines and if not curtailed travel and banned from venues. Forced to mask and the hypocrisy of the academics who will not listen to other science, the bombastic Bilderbergs, the Deep State, the Political injustice.

AND YET I AM JUST AS A BOMBASTIC; Kissinger says we do not know how to live our lives and selective elimination is needed and the Eugenics know the way, every Bond Film has this and I like a weak old fart Bond have to rescue the WORLD AND ITS POPULOUS  my, MY, my way. I know best and I have the answers and God help those who get in my way, my dark rage will destroy the transgressors and in the end MYSELF.  

Yes I am Lord of my Space and home made agendas, I do not use or even specifically feel in detail when my rage is triggered, it seems there is an unconscious programme a sort of patrolling dark sentinel who is highly attuned and alert for any transgression or incursion into my territory, my Rottweilers and Doberman's will get you either by vicious talk or emails and letters--I cast judgement on you and be damned and also Geoff you as well I am in charge and you WILL obey, Resistance is futile.

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I feel the surveillance energy of the deep state and I relate to it in me, I am my own 'deep state' I know them through my own agendas, I hate them because I hate these in me, they are so brain washed in me and so unconscious that they react seemingly in a mind of their own. The real me is pushed aside without remorse or sentiment. The monster residing and lurking in the pit, the dark cloud as above, waiting its chance to snipe, trap like a snake lying in wait or stalking its prey.

The Covid has brought this to the surface; I face the doctor who will phone me for a review and I feel this is an assault on my freedom and I will have to make a decision as to whether I get another doctor because this one may refuse me as a patient and I go into my health regime.

As to the future of the monster within me I know not what to do; praying, Qi Gong, diet, Unseen therapist EFT and breathing mindfulness with meditation will hopefully soften up the dark cloud of bitterness, of my 'man up erectile dysfunction so to speak' the coward and wimp in me, yet the loving over loving side of me, my emotional weakness and my ruthless stark demonic ruthful revenge are all 'between a rock and hard place'  which the world is going through and myself.

I guess life and its challenges will bring up the challenges and confrontations I need to whittle away and expose the blemishes and stains that blot the true light of clarity, wisdom and understanding.

SHACK

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I know that the monster within me that is lurking the world through the collective unconscious which is the secret cavern of hidden agendas and is silent in most of us and is brewing, percolating, stewing and the energy will burst out like a boil and the poison spew into the collective, such is the nature of the COVID virus, a purging assailant taking and purging and it has an equivilant in mind sets of eugenics, transhumanism, robotics, technocracy and the one world government elite. This assailant knows no mercy and will stop at nothing until it gets its complete and total way and will wait for ever and never relenting or have compassion and is the complete and utter psychopath, not a drop of remorse and relishing and getting off in its utter devastation until it achieves its aim which TOTAL AND UTTER CONTROL, my dark cloud is demanding obedience and loyalty and swift punishment will follow and with me emotional guilt and physical illness and immobility of my joints and mind freeze. We are our own rescuer's and the people we have been waiting for, I am the Messiah of myself ONLY when I wake up and realise my true self. 

SHACK

Another thought came to mind; maybe this loving self is not real love I feel and compassion but as an atonement for my wrath and malice, that indeed my egos set up is to be a Jekyll and Hyde I want to punish and have a punitive approach when my egos false and yet seemingly moral agendas and rescue missions as above and the perfect 'he man hero' is a compensation in fantasy to make up for the lack of self confidence and esteem in so called 'rea life' which is not so because I have discussed at length all these are brain washed scenarios and all 'life styles' and ways and means are just inculcated agenda programmes, yet knowing this does not make it easier and be magnetically pulled back and distracted by them. Oh ye man of little faith. There is no real and lasting reality in Earthly life. This Earthly life can offer me no lasting anything. So why try to hold onto impermanence? Nothing is as impermanent as fantasy and yet one could say all life based of brain washed inculcation no matter what elaborate or simple choice is lasting or real? So what's it all about eh? SHACK