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I remember the feeling when I laid in the bed in High Wycombe Bucks and it was my parents bed and I was a very sick weaselly child and I had these surges of joy like I have in Meditation and sometimes spontaneously during my growing up years and now.
I had a spontaneous large one just before my NDE in 1942 and remember the wall through the window to my left as I laid in that bed, the wall was of the Benyon's house next door. The wall went black and I travelled up the wall into the NDE experience.(explained elsewhere many times and the BBC video 'Visions Of Hope'). The feeling definitely stirred my genital areas and brought joy.
I realise now (7th June 2021) that joy can be humanely associated with sexual arousal but I see and feel it now in a different light.
I had a reservation and a somewhat still there is a remnant left over this morning of a shame in worshipping and loving with all my heart and devotion to a 'father God or mother God' and could not wrap my head around it so to speak, I felt it was incestuous or 'gay'(old term for homosexual) or filthy goings on or fancying your mother or family stuff, even paedophilic and another fear at that bedside waking up and hearing Doctors Young and Thompson discussing my health and what to do, also the aroma of some toy cars and my cousin Madeline and I bouncing on that bed and her wanting me to drop my pyjamas. These early impressions mean a lot somewhere, somehow and that dark feeling of mother pushing me into the canal and another person there and so on, me in the orchard at the top of the garden, the spider on my leg, Terry Braggs hitting me in the midriff with the rake, Henry holding me upside down, the bicycle, the gate I held closed, the garage, all gardening in hot summer and the damson tree, Miss Hathaway's school the hot poultice on the boil on the neck, Greenstreet School and the urinals and so on. All these fit in with the title somehow. Of course these are human flesh ego assumptions.
This morning as I said the Lord's prayer I realised I preferred to say as I have done for a long time; 'Our Father Mother God who is in Heaven, Hallowed be thy name, thy Kingdom Come on Earth as it is in Heaven, please give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive them that trespass against us, please lead us not into temptation and deliver us from evil, for thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory for ever. Amen
Then I realised that The Almighty is not a physical Father Mother God, I course I knew this for a long time, but could not latch onto a non fleshly human type Guru, Angel Apparition or some sort of image, feeling associated with an image of a representation of God. I have this total adoration and love for God and yet not a way to worship Mother Father heavenly Eternal Cosmic Parent without some 'form' to get into my head,
Then it hit me deeply 'there is a story of Ramakrishna who worshipped the image of the Holy Mother and when he went to the dustbins to empty garbage he saw a naked man who was the guru Tota Puri, when he saw Ramakrishna, he picked up a piece of broken glass and pricked it into RK third eye in the forehead and RK cried in pain and TP said that pain is the sword that cuts the image so that you can experience God without form and it was then that RK could realise God without form'.
I have this admiration of the female form and feel it is a almost as I remember the feeling when I laid in the bed in High Wycombe Bucks and it was my parents bed and I was a very sick weaselly child and I had these surges of joy like I have in Meditation and sometimes spontaneously during my growing up years and now.
This morning as I said the Lord's prayer I realised I preferred to say as I have done for a long time; 'Our Father Mother God who is in Heaven, Hallowed be thy name, thy Kingdom Come on Earth as it is in Heaven, please give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive them that trespass against us, please lead us not in temptation and deliver us from evil, for thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory for ever. Amen
Then I realised that The Almighty is not a physical Father Mother God, I course I knew this for a long time, but could not latch onto a non fleshly human type Guru, Angel Apparition or some sort of image, feeling associated with an image of a representation of God. I have this total adoration and love for God and yet not a way to worship Mother Father heavenly Eternal Cosmic Parent without some 'form' to get into my head
Then it hit me deeply 'there is a story of Ramakrishna worshipped the image of the Holy Mother and when he went to the dustbins to empty garbage he saw a naked man who was the guru Tota Puri, when he saw Ramakrishna, he picked up a piece of broken glass and pricked it into RK third eye in the forehead and RK cried in pain and TP said that pain is the sword that cuts the image so that you can experience God without form and it was then that RK could realise God without form'.
I have this admiration for the female form, the grace, the subtle movements, the softness and could at one time be 'a slave and cross dress and be at the mercy of a soft mother beautiful female or a Amazonian dominatrix and also this feeling of desecration, nay a sacrilege to penetrate her with my violence and yet to softly feel her vagina embrace me and the beauty of the vagina as a rose, a flower as some photos portray and not the violent penetration in porn.
The I realised God has no form as I knew intellectually and logically and reinforced by my Koan, NDE and quantum stuff, plus the philosophy of the Buddha about impermanence and then realising that God was non dual and was an energy, an all pervading intelligence which is felt as joy, love, peace, tranquillity and also a great mind, a consciousness and that by creating by intent and imagination with a creative urge to produce a dual form and this dual form be it energetic and yet a subtle refined mind thought energy and the interplay became the sexual energy. The attraction to find the other half of the forms dual identity caused to have a many sorts of sexual play and intercourse and its orgasm whatever form it takes, it takes one out of the body into the energetic realms and one forgets oneself and in that brief interlude experiences the God like energy.
Most humans see this 'going out oneself' as just a joyous sensation and get addicted to it, yet in a deeper meaning it can be the ego self is in someway recognising its frailty and impermanence and is seeking subconsciously God Almighty and it is always critical of itself and this orgasmic interlude one finds solace albeit briefly, that is why holding the orgasm in some Tantric Yoga forms can lead to this interlude experience however the addiction to the physical act to do it can become addictive.
So this morning of the 7 / 06 / 21 I had a mild Tota Puri through realising that the 'feeling' of this love was God Like Consciousness and I love the love and it was a nonsexual image, in fact no image at all and that Father / Mother brought the idea or feeling of cancelling out the images (it is said that in Atlantean times, humans were sort of dual sexed, maphrodites) now this is this whole classification of sexuality. One can find definitions of sexuality online and there up to 79 definitions as such. I put out the idea and concept that this is the shift in consciousness and planetary global warming changes in the Solar System and Earth and is part and parcel of the Aquarian Ascension process described at length in many SHACKS and blogs.
I feel part of the worlds unrest with wars, eugenics, the new reset, technocracy, robotics, genetic manipulation with food and all things is the unrest that the human psyche is sensing at a deep level, it dissatisfied with life and senses a sell by date, things are stale and even going back to 'normal' after the lockdowns, masks vaccines and mad insane logic to not get 'infected' is part of this subterranean unconscious in the depths stirring of a new way not by politics, religion or philosophy but by natural evolution that is God's hand as it were reaching out and changing the cycles in evolution and a spin of wheel of fate and destiny.
The urgency and need to be defined as a sexual human form is now saying ' I am limited in my sexual expression, my human form needs another feeling a way of reaching my search for peace and love and it may not be a bodily expression'. This is what I feel, I feel when I feel this joy and peace in meditation and this grace during the working day or general day duties, it is enough, maybe because of my age, but I have felt this as a youngster and adult, I have been steered away from early indulgence with sex because of some restraint, I felt lack of confidence with girls yes, but there is more, I felt if I get addicted to this I would not reap the benefits of meditation and getting this joy and satisfaction as I felt as the baby in the bed as above. I found God in the NDE and was sent to Earth to go through the forms of fleshly experience and to come through all of them without fear and addiction. I realise in the NDE the being Joseph and I tussled I wanted the light and loved it and I reluctantly made a pre life agreement , a contract which I undertook and have suffered and enjoyed and never felt an Earthling and now realise that I am love without form, a consciousness and Intelligence without form and furthermore not having a human form or perhaps working towards formlessness is the Ascension process and this will continue until all attachment to that which has form will be severed.
The fascination with female genitalia is the wonder how the human body comes through this magnificent female form and that I came as a flesh human through the interaction of my parents and yet the seed was the outward manifestation of the intelligence and information of the coupling of egg and sperm and again becoming one in there endeavour to create a dual form in their unison. From the one become two and from their combining like the two ends of a seesaw and the middle fulcrum which is the sum of the two and yet neither.
SHACK
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