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| Imgur Patrick Stewart |
Just like Captain Picard (Patrick Stuart in Star Trek series) I get into perturbation and consternation. Laying in bed in the morning of 17 October 2021 I started(these come on seemingly spontaneously as a programme they are a reaction to the past) one of my dreamy yet clear dynamic fantasies and reminisces; I regretted not having a really loving wife, children and the so called normal suburban seemingly happy and contented life, the car, the well paid satisfying job, a really nice house and garden the holiday, lovely in - laws, a group of mates and friends, the Sunday football and cricket on the village green and so on. This brought me really low in mind and spirits. I did not want to get out of bed, my life at this moment seemed dwarfed by the images above.
Then as if by magic, A SPARK, like a gadget, whatchamacallit, a thingamajig, a gizmo I have describes it well. It is a flint in a stick and a rough slide and when the flint is rubbed along the rough slide, hey presto a spark.
Well I lay there feeling sorry and sad about my state of mind and then FROM within my mind or from some magic place, A SPARK literally jolted me out of this unpleasant reverie. I exclaimed gratitude and knew instinctively this WAS Life. Life wants to live and go on and on in any way it can.
Many times in illness and hospital and in dire circumstances, a jolt from life, like the resuscitation by chest or shock, suddenly this has come to revive me. Sometimes it is gentle and when I surrender in deep stillness in a harrowing situation, it seems to be like a slow silent cloud or fog dissipating and at other times like a jolt.
I am surprised as I do not feel I am spiritual, deserving, or anything special, I used to think and feel superior because I meditated, eat organic food, prayed, did Qi Gong, juiced vegetables, did not smoke or drink alcohol, pious, reverent, had a kind heart, did 670 workshops, saw over 3,000 patients and so on but over the last five years I have slowly realised by ordinary circumstances of living with neighbours and in the mirror of relationships, I have all the perceived traits that I found abhorrent in them and the so called elite or Pandemic mongers so to speak, I did not like and sometimes hated them for their ignorance and after all I was healthy for my age and told much younger than my years. In the workshops and counselling and as therapist I heard the same traits but I did intellectually recognise them and because I WAS the therapist I did not hate or despise them. I was in charge AND BECAUSE I RECOGNISED THEM IN ME IT WAS SUPERFICIAL, yes I could deal with them but not OWN them.
I have to admit and confess I disliked the feeling they evoked in me, how awful. I did not want to OWN that these traits were in me, so I blamed them for making me feel this anger and temper not my patients. Then when I realised they were in me, an agenda, a programme in me and it was easy to blame them, after all I am superior to them, it came as shock that was projecting and as long as I did not own and realise they were buried and supressed programmes in my unconscious I would feel like this.
I of course as a counsellor and psychotherapist knew all this intellectually and understood the mechanisms(most psychiatrists, Psychologist's, Psychotherapists know this and think or feel they can deal with this until the pain rears up or an advent jogs them and me into deep intuitive awakening, the trap door of the unconscious is opened and the distaste is enormous).
When I started meditation years back, I was told by my mentors and subsequently by many more that meditation can give one peace and feel well being, however they said DO not go there just for peace and do not hang onto only pleasant experiences and want more, just sit and let the stillness reveal ITSELF, not you seeking it. I have met many so called meditators and they like the bliss and yet some are arrogant (that's me) have a temper(me) judge(me) and have pious superior attitude(me) and so on and the most heinous one, OH I can cope I am calm, I am a hero, why can't they be like me, I can die with calm, they cannot touch me and so on(me). Meditation I feel can if one should pursue not a goal but let the process unfold, YES one can run to meditation as a sanctuary, BUT UNDERNEATH IT MAY hide a plethora, a superfluity of lurking agendas and programmes which may jump out in unguarded moments (these hidden unconscious programmes are the entity of ego) and something will trigger them and hey presto one is angry, judging and blaming.
A wise mentor said to me 'you may come across stuff in yourself that is shameful and abhorrent and you may wish that you never opened a can of worms' this has happened and this Pandemic Covid thing made me hate and wish they who started this lie would die and God would or ET would punish them and so on.
On examination of these Eugenics I have found the lust for power as they are doing in me; Of course I want to be chief and have power I am eugenics, why because if everybody was like me the world would be just and safe. Of course if I ruled by technology I could peep into everybody's life by surveillance, I would never feel threatened, of course if I had everlasting life and be downloaded into a supremely strong robot and have life galore and never fail in health and pain and be like my neighbours have the jabs medicines and so on, be a sexual success and so on. WHEN I admitted this and saw this and claimed and owned this I realised whilst I was not projecting and blaming I was like them and owned this, somehow it relieved a whole lot pressure.
As to why the SPARK of life revives others and me and with all that crap in me I can only guess and surmise. Perhaps Life recognises that one is desperately endeavouring to clear oneself of life blocking behaviour, of course we all want to live presumably, however there is a life by ego and may thwart nature which is Life in action and Life according to Life's plan au naturel.
I do not feel Life has favourites I feel there is Life au naturel, if you Like, God's plan and the Great Spirit recognises not by favouritism that a 'BLOCKED PIPE' analogous to a mind full of if you like anti living agendas buried in the caverns of the unconscious and really not to blame as it has been brain washed and inculcated and does realise its hoard of stultifying life blocking programmes and is merely carrying life as per ego. So like nature blocked structures get unblocked by storms and natural events in order to restore flow.
So one who is endeavouring to clear oneself not by the massage of pleasant meditations alone with a bonus here and there of grace and faces the madness, the fear, the horror that may lie buried and let the faeces of stagnating data arise and be cleansed by sincere recognition which is 'this is me and in others so I am as anybody else only that I own and recognise them so that I am given a chance to not act them out on others and process them by recognition in an intuitive level so to speak'.
Life then may recognise a space to fill with more of Itself and so as said above Life wants to live and recognise Itself and so rejoice evermore in Its joining and Union.
A true celebration of Life Eternal.
SHACK
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