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For a long time I have had this conviction that the mind and its application, especially when it comes to abundance, well being, longevity, health and a loving deep compassion can manifest these attributes. I have realised that Jesus, Buddha, Krishna, Moses and other great sages have achieved this.
I feel that this is not accomplished entirely by will power but by the initial desire to be like them. I also realise it can be for the sake of an unhappy life, this would seem one of my set backs, to want to genuinely come to God, this is at times a motive of mine, yet honestly only when I feel lost, unhealthy or grieved at the world situation. Mind you I also must say there are times when I passionately love God for no reason at all but a deep congenital innate feeling of familiarity and wanting oneness with the Almighty.
Something thwarts me, blocks me, like the jigsaw pieces above, I feel so near and yet so frustratingly tantalisingly far / near away. I surmise it all the incarnations of inculcated erroneous beliefs and agendas and like rock strata and many layers of the sandwich the sheer weight and density obscures and veil what I feel to be the clear channel which is almost devoid of personal self and allow the Self of divinity to shine through.
That something is that is thwarting me is the ego. I mention me as the small self and the 'real' me as the Divine Self. I feel that one or myself cannot really unblock or surrender the layers by will alone, however, by identifying what maybe the 'blockage' and by keen awareness which may call into 'operation' the intuition and in this process of watching in meditation which to my mind is abiding in the stillness, awareness without bias, non judgemental viewing, attention without intention so that a sort of 'release valve as it were' comes into 'play' and allows the awareness to be aware of the data that floats by on and in the screen of mind. As the awareness facilitates the 'opening of the attic and loft, the storehouse of often festering information' years out of date and sell by date and certainly not fit for purpose, it then by the percentage of removal clears away the portion of debris which is the recognition of outdated and festering bitter accumulation of thought matter (which can translate into chemicals to the cells and unwanted and disturbing chemicals and magnetic eddy currents) and so allows the passage of the DIVINE SELF LIGHT TO SHINE THROUGH, which is not only light, love, compassion and healing but is intuition of a divine source and nature. So say 10% cleared 10% more light.
I have had incidences when mainly through desperation I have let go, the probably only use for fear, if not flight fear then somehow it by an angelic / divine intervention put me from flight / fear into an uncomfortable 'stop', breathe, sit , be fidgety still, tired fighting relaxation' and then quiet and still and then healing of some sort, mainly relief.
I have tried visualisation and imagery; imagining that I am drawing the energies of healing from the Universe, the abundance and so on. Yet there lurks a shadow that doubts and yet I am aware of the shadow however any attempt or not attempt, a plea to the Most high unfortunately does not seem to work. I deduce from this; I am not worthy and somehow God thinks I will use powers of this nature to no good and I am inclined to think my ego would surge and use them unwisely. So perhaps the thwarting process is meant to be to teach me to let go and perhaps the meditations will allow more of the deep original incarnated prehistoric primordial, this ancient brain storage to vent out and so be worthy of Gods Gifts and miracles. The great Ones must have such clear awareness and light and carried very little if at all 'mind baggage'.
However I do feel that ones upbringing from childhood does contribute to the past Karma. My lack of confidence, weakness of spirit, lack of self worth has some sort of bearing on this. Yes I wanted the approval and love and yet cheated in many ways to get it. By being the entertainer, the clever story teller and yet mind games to achieve what I could not do physically and then the final blow; we are all brain washed from the womb to when we wake up, and the identities we all seek, success, celebrity status, even illness and poor me, pioneers, fame through science and business, royalty, when we wake up in so many BACK SHACKS that these are mind beliefs and ideas' and agendas, we are not original and reality is only based on mind stuff, then there is no reality as such only the light of awareness, then one arrives at the 'nowhere to hang my hat, no coat hook, who am I without an answer, who was I before I was born, Show me your original face and so on, so now one floats as it were and faces the trial of the quantum realm, the quantum anomaly is the Koan of science.
There is no proof of anything solid at its foundation as it emerges from the 'empty atom' as it were' what mind brought creation into being and why that I know why does the 'concrete world of form draw me back and lose my 'identities of no identity' my no mind back to mind?. The agony of separation from bliss and joy where there is no time and space and into the chaos of form where all rots, disappears, dies and birth and death cause so much grief and knowing all this dies and rots why did I come here and knowing to do this stay here.
Yet it seems this piled up layered atoms and cells knowing they are marching towards their demise want to cling onto it so much and me wanting to shed this fleshly load get so caught up in it. It is a if my lovely miracle body is saying I don't want ill health and joint problems and all that associated with ageing and indeed at any age. YET it too has been inculcated and layered with old messages; over 80 say my neighbours that's when you get ill and its starts, drugs by the doctor, especially now, vaccines, vaccines, vaccines, polluted water, GMO foods, pesticides and so on, they are good for you, or at least ignore for profit for the pharmaceutical, petroleum and food and agricultural ministries, yet I know all this and many are awakening, but the hold of materialism and capitalism is so great that it spreads its net and is difficult to cut away.
I feel the solution is not in the realms of human reasoning and desire so I will endeavour to be still and quiet and be aware with the maxim 'Be Still and Know God is Within You'
SHACK
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