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Pondering love as in contrast to compassion
several aspects come to mind; having felt what I term love or as I now view it
emotional conditional love by this I mean a love that demands or expects a
return in some sort and is dependant on that love being there from another and
when it is not one’s world falls apart and then one can come to be a cynic and
feel there is no such things as love. This love is the energy of the ego which
is dependant on its outside supply of love, power and attention often accompanied
by material and financial success.
Of course bringing children into the world and
their need for love is paramount; however one should gradually wean them off
demanding love to find love in themselves. Because emotional love is
conditional it is then dependant on these conditions and like contracts expects
to be honoured and never breached. By self love I do not mean selfish and dominating, a love found within is preferable.
Usually this love is reserved for family, religion
and ones spouse. This love is shown and demonstrated by cultural, religious and
the accepted societal beliefs and law as of the era and the ethos of the
culture. This is often dictated by
public display of affection, dress code and the venues.
Compassion as I see it is a kind of unconditional
love. This is not felt as sentiment and is indeed seemingly quiet ‘cold’. I got to a stage in the late 80’s when I
could not ‘love’ anyone in particular, I felt a sort ‘beyond acceptance and
tolerance’ towards most people, of course I had many moments of anger, hate,
jealousy and so on, however with the awareness which was breaking through the
dross of ego conditioning, holes were appearing in the solid sheet of programming
and brain washing. I found my need for personal relationships and friendships
were receding.
I could not sustain demanding friendships or
family ties and many found me cold and ruthless so I was told, yet I was
finding a deeper inner peace and silence, I had to force myself at family
affairs and friendly meet ups to seem to be interested, small chat about
holidays, finances, gossipy parties were gradually going out of my sphere of
interest, I cannot go to parties, weddings, ceremonies, funerals and so on
where there is just oil on the water and no depth. Yes I admit I am judgemental here and an
aloof bigot.
I feel I have compassion to a greater degree than
love and I cannot give myself to anyone, group, religion, cult, guru, belief or
politic. What I can give myself to is the deep quietness and silence even
behind noise if one is aware, for here I find a joy, a completeness, a
fulfilment and the peace I find here is just so beautiful that it more than
makes up for the pleasures of the world so to speak.
Some would say I am afraid of commitment and lack
self confidence and am hiding behind a psychological make believe indeed a fake
peace and that because of my childhood and adult traumas I escape into a
fantasy make believe peace. Perhaps they are right and I am so ingrained in
meditation and that I am blind to my own making.
Yet I know I still react and move in the outside
world and I am told by some that I am kind, helpful and willing to listen, I do
not know which of the two sides are correct the paragraph above or this one.
Yet until Life moves me on and I have notion this
is so I carry on either in my ignorance or by which seems to work for me.
I cannot love anyone or anything including myself
exclusively so where is that place where there is nothing in particular to
cherish or cling to and if there is a definition or label for this place then
indeed there is something to cling onto to there and becomes inclusive.
SHACK
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