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| The New York Times |
I am not subject to weather
but
to the mood within
SHACK
Sunday, 3 October 2021
SHACK 1022 SAFETY
To me being safe in a way is not being safe; what makes me feel safe is familiarity with the known; OK the known by familiar surroundings and yet these are temporarily comforting and then can be taken for granted.
There is another safe mode; that is disciplines and routines and these are facilities and prerequisites that give me a sense of being healthy, well being, safe, the known and secure, however they can have such a grip on me that not doing a certain routine such as juicing, meditation, Qi Gong, my laundry, these are my daily habits that dictate my safety and well being and protect me from danger, a danger out there lurking to swipe me in an unexpected moment. I relish and pride myself in breaking these routines on occasions and feel aren't I daring, brave and then I get recriminations and start to worry; will not juicing for a few days clog me up, cause impurities and bad health, not meditating will not bring peace and mind stuff will jam up my awareness, not doing qi gong will stifle chi circulation and I will be stiff and so on. These are a prerequisite to peace and prosperity. These become my reality and safe guard and if not adhered too something dreadful will ensue. This then gives life to the saboteur, a self inflicted threat engendered by by making the routine a habit and BEING like a judge, jury and God.
The strange thing is these routines, habits and being pedantic clog me up and stiffen, stifle me, because if not adhered too, I feel guilty and I have let myself image down, the image that is created by my concepts and beliefs and even the belief to be empty and aware without bias, so many subtle twists and turns, maize's, blind alleys and one way streets. So watch and even that a 'must' routine and reminder and another habit, the connivances, the subtle innuendoes and mind trickery and yes the Buddha knew so well. I am my own judge and jury.
So by my own hand and habits I form a false illusion of safety and reliance on routine and discipline as a safeguard and the punishment is executed for breaking GODS will for me, Actually my own God Idea. I TOTALLY miss the point; God created me with a blueprint and in the end I have to acknowledge that is my safety net and since God is an invisible entity to the human flesh being therefore I substitute this with routine and discipline which I can see and feel.
Yes I have been gifted with a body and have to be sensible to Earth and body ethics to keep it safe and healthy as possible but not to the extremes of fastidiousness and punctilios endeavour. I know from the past when illness and problems have arisen and I have let go and gone into the silence and quiet mind and trusted in the emptiness so to speak and the routines and so on have been laid aside I am looked after by something else other that the safety net of habit and routine. Mind stuff interferes with the true safety net as below.
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| Open Gear Like in the 'Nosy Parker' in article back, trust in the unknown |
brings in its own solution and yes some exercise, wise food and health regimes are required but not to be substituted by mind habit and false safety; I notice the tussle with myself that it feels like tacky sticky glue being pulled apart :-
and that I can't quite let go and I feel to join back to the old habits and routines.
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| OLD HOUSE JOURNAL |
and frustratingly knowing they are mind brain washed concepts and beliefs which have cheekily and insidiously usurped the real me and God as it were.
So watch, do not attempt to challenge and break these streaky bits of glue and merely let it be and observe the tussle and realise by just observing that the fabric of that seemingly gluey substance is what it is and let the attention and anxiety given to it is the energy that feeds the need, need is fed by attachment.
The safety net is filled and is needed to catch the habits and retain them, no net no habits accept a few to keep the body well and fed and the sense of well being.
SHACK
SHACK 1021 NOSY PARKER
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| Meme Generator |
😟 THE UNIVERSE WILL CARRY ON
WITHOUT ME
STICKING MY OAR IN
WONT IT?
SHACK
Tuesday, 14 September 2021
SHACK 1020 HURRY
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| Barking Up The Wrong Tree |
Sometimes on odd occasions I get this urge; sometimes when I am just getting out of sleep, read something, saw something or from meditation or just doing mundane chores and really not focussing and just being as it were I get a 'rush' a huge energy, I must write it down, hurry before you forget it, scribble, no type, repeat it just a small seed a flash, you need to expand it, write it down.
It's as if by writing down it will liberate me, break long standing habits and inculcation and it feels so liberating and refreshing and yet tiring as I spend a long time so it seems at the keyboard and my one finger typing and dyslexia make it laborious yet satisfying and fulfilling.
Although at the time it feels so liberating and a feeling of some sort of completion and closure, the old cloud of habit returns and yet there is a subtle difference and the grasp is less powerful and I feel I have a wriggling space and the grip is loosened slightly. I am reminded not to set or anticipate this as the ego will sense a freedom from its grip and send the saboteur in, in such a way as a masked disguised mock up of an old enemy.
Then there is a hurry or rush to get out shopping or bus ride, it feels so good I can hardly get dressed quickly enough and sometimes ignoring washing or drinking a tea or something and all routines torn aside with great haste and gusto. There is something waiting for me I do not know what and I feel this future event will bring some sort of liberation or synchronicity that will liberate me.
Going away to a new location or this sense that the future will hold my liberation, it will be there when I arrive can be a subtle trap; for my habits, beliefs and routines, my hang ups travel with me, they are mind bound and of course translate psychosomatically so I only travel as it were physically and to perhaps new surroundings but in mind as it were I have travelled nowhere.
Perhaps for a while I feel liberated and I may have made a make over and then realise it is a variation on a theme and then the old nostalgia and haunting ghost returns, the old clouds and the old confinements and limits, the old ties that bind. I make new resolutions and resolutions not to make resolutions and I promise I will not plan so much and then do so is there a way to break free?.
Perhaps I only travel in my mind as it were and I have often said as an Astronaut travelling to Mars or Jupiter one only experiences this in ones mind and the vehicle is the body, the experiencer is the witness consciousness and awareness. So the mind emptied of all content, not by repression, suppression or wilful endeavour but a silent awareness of the content with attention without intention, awareness without bias brings one to the 'empty still quiet mind' which devoid of CONTENT IS THE NOW.
For it is the content of the mind which are thoughts, the internal dialogue, the incessant mind chatter, the day dreams and fantasies, the internal cinema, the cameos and scenarios, the tapestries, the glamour's, the emotional highs and lows that appear to be real and are mere brain washed hand me downs and modified to seemingly be original and creative and at most a new drama and history repeating itself and hoping to fool the self in a deluded attempt at original fresh creative effort.
No amount of tinkering and juxtaposing, configuring, upgrading and make overs will suffice and bring peace, the opposite may hold some evidence. The past has no solution, it is gone and is a vague impression, the future is usually a remake, a new eversion of the past, so there never is a future, just a rehash and for a while some mere satisfaction and like a new toy, once the novelty is over, the same old, same old returns, the past is gone and is stale, jaded and gone and trying to get hold of the satisfaction of the old joys and drown the sorrows merely take one down memory lane and that will hold one in a grip of emotional bondage and liberation will be caught in the net of yesterday and tomorrow never arrives because the memories and habits bind one to the yesterday of the past and the future is merely an imaginary one.
The emotions are summoned up from the memory banks in an effort to feel the emotions, the live raw events of the past and so satisfy the ego and remind it, it is here and always now and yet it knows it lives in a dead theatre with itself as the audience and craves a new bright drama and so a history is created which is a witness to its being and life and yet knowing it is a figment of imaginary experiences and consequences.
So where do I hurry too; what destination on the Earth or the Universe will ultimately fulfil me, my aching soul wants peace yet the allurement and seduction of new places and exploration beckon me on only to fade when I run out of new places and vistas, like today many look for new thrills, either with drugs, films, sexual encounters, conquering the heights and depths and eventually new places in space, eventually realising these are places of the material of world and are forms that can be beautiful, enchanting and seemingly fulfilling and yet like the art collector who is looking for a new objet d'art soon may run out of acquisitions and content themselves with just looking and admiring and caught in the alluring dream of material fulfilment.
And when examining the material aspect of things the world may fall apart; all material things decay, their very atomic nature declares the fading and dying and returning to the infinity where they were born, for what is born is bound to death, their very appearance is a brief experience in space and when it arrives in the hologram of space its appearance is marked as time and so time is a material marker of human time and the life of this experience is the life of the form and is a period and epoch and its disappearance a death of the form back to timelessness. The nature of the atom is emptiness and at most an untidy dash of something in the quantum realm and so it for humans and the Universe, a mere dash, a flash of inspiration which says hurry to a new exciting anticipation of the future and then gone and when this is gone only the silent quiet peaceful mind remains and one has found solace in the nothingness of peace and empty space and all is empty and yet fulfilling.
So what's the rush then?.
SHACK
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| Life and Whim Really----what happens when you get there?(SHACK) |
SHACK 1019 PRISON BARS
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| ADOBE STOCK Sometimes I feel trapped in an invisible yet tangible confinement a sort of pressure in my neck and 'squeezed' brain as if a trapped entity is bursting to get out. This entity is like trapped air or water and gets stagnant if encapsulated for long periods. Yet occasionally an escape valve like on a pressure cooker releases and then closes. Various distractions can cause a temporary release. |
This confinement is a psychological one in the sense I feel trapped by old patterns and routines, I have a sense they cover the real whoever I am and yet by inculcation they form so hard a habit and that habit becomes reality and yet knowing this and occasionally breaking free it still regrows and the shutters come down and here I am again, the false illusionary 'I am'.
Like stalactites and stalagmites the years of repetitive 'dripping' of water to form over years the stalactite and so the habit grows by conditioned beliefs and concepts to be stalactites of the mind, rock ones being seen and tangible mind ones being invisible and yet tangible through emotions and feelings, the so called psychosomatic interface. The grounding and believing these are real and reality are embedded as the foundation and become the stalagmite.
SHACK
SHACK 1017 ASSUMED REALITY
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| Pocketsizetheatre |
Assumed reality; when one decides to look into reality and delve into the mystery of reality one can then arrive at sort of conclusion that reality is based mostly on beliefs and beliefs are in part made up of ideas either learnt or modified and ideas are thought processes so then it follows maybe everything I have presumed is real and there in front of my eyes or in my minds eye is reality. This reality takes on the role of ones world and the known and gives a sense of security even if the world of the known is chaotic; it is still the known and held together by ones sense of reality as such.
It maybe uncomfortable to realise and feel and I use the word feel that at most 'I am an idea'. How did this idea of me come about; well apart from my parents union and me born from the womb and egg and sperm, I was an awareness without thought and discernment.
The coalescing of ideas by inculcation which is a process of repetition and so compacting layers of thoughts so that they form a seeming strata of levels which then bind together like the stories in a tower block and so by compacting and stratifying them they appear to be solid and so the mind determines that they are real and solid.
However on close inspection and taking courage to look into these layers, one may come to realise that the mind has constructed these scaffolds, these strata and by courageously picking apart, disassembling the layers which are the very nuts and bolts of the scaffolding which maybe terrifying as the former seemingly solid foundation and security, the known or so called norm, the very cornerstone of generally agreed with modifications due to culture and religion are an a contract of agreement and used in law and religion and when these are seen as mind constructs and mere ideas formed into beliefs then the watertight foundations and securities begin to crumble.
The question then may arise why does the mind need to form these constructs and make beliefs seem so solid and in your face so to speak?; in looking and inspecting the nature of mind, one may realise that mind is an awareness, an intelligent conscious entity, a being that is aware of itself and is especially aware of itself when it breaks the illusion and spell of just being an automatic reaction to life through learnt strategies and never really questioning anything about why one acts so robotically and of course that is what athletes need and cultivate yet the average person does so by work and toil, one may realise one is a programmed organic robotic entity and runs on planned inculcated algorithms which have been handed down for many generations and so the world has a field of stored thought patterns contained in a magnetic containment field known as the collective unconscious. It is UNCONSCIOUS because it acts seemingly spontaneously and without realising and is a reaction to life circumstances, it the unconscious reaction which most people have in common.
Suddenly and perhaps by chance, maybe a shock or something else jerks the unconscious out of its reverie and musing and one may become aware of ones automatic responses and reactions. The psychiatric tests of word associations and should they not match it means one may have a problem, be an outsider and disturbs the 'norm 'and could be a potential problem in society and in this pandemic and the fear and psychological inculcation by censoring any threat to the narrative of governmental demands then by media and medical constant reminder of the threat and variant virus the inculcation process takes place and the 'new normal' is established and through fear which is the superglue of the ego a new energy enters the collective unconscious and a new reactive set of responses ensue.
The mind being an awareness without a physical attribute and physical tangibility begins to think and ideas emerge and it wants to experience itself as a form, to be tangible, so it begins to create ideas and then begins to layer them and really believes them to come into physical manifestation, I want my ideas to become solid so I can affirm myself as a live being and not just a thought form, a dream, an illusion which dies or withers in front of my eyes, I am here, solid and tangible and so be it.
However this is the delusion; the mind has convinced itself that its constructs are real and tangible AND IS so enamoured, charmed and seduced and gives endless power and energy to its ideas and constructs that IT BELIEVES it is real, here, moving, feeling living and it fools itself, a sort of self deception and feeling the delights of the flesh, the loveliness of nature, the awesomeness of the Universe, the trillions of stars and galaxies, the billions and trillions of cells and atoms that the glory of the creation of the flesh and nature enrapture the awareness and the consciousness goes full throttle into the dream and constructs and to the mind its is real, here and forever.
Then the paradox, the koan, the awakening; hold on what do you mean forever? A shock of some sort, something breaks the dream, the web that the magic spider spun. What is this world of tangible forever?; the solid billiard ball of Sir Isaac Newton suddenly was not so tangible, they discovered atoms, dream like 'bits' and then particles and then the observer effect and the so called tangibility began to lose its effect. The Zen fraternity knew this as they silently watched their thoughts and they began to dismantle their beliefs and some came to the empty mind and some realised the similarity to the 'nothingness of the empty atom', the scientist through particle physics and Zen through meditation and asked what is the nature of reality?
A STARK glaring fact emerges 'there is no such thing as a tangible REALITY, it is the mind desiring and yearning to be visible, the fact that the mind, awareness, consciousness is invisible so to speak it wants to prove itself of itself and to itself 'I AM HERE I EXIST 'and wrestles with itself when it realises it is by dominating inculcation and blindly pounding, brain thumping that I believe I am tangible and goes on believing this until the forms around it wither and die and the tangible body so thought of as solid and living, shrivels and withers, gets frail and illness and disease may assail one at times that one begins to glimpse at the so called fragility of life, the very precariousness and indeterminate of life on Earth and the Universe and so impermanency and the transitory nature of nature and life becomes apparent and so more effort may ensue to shore up that dwindling tangible form and yet death will prevail in the end.
Should one be brave enough and go into this dwindling crumbling form this seeming deterioration then one can let go of the past concretised constructs and perceived realities and let them fall naturally as the waves rise and fall from the ocean as the seasons come and go and realise as they fade and dwindle as concepts as one may realise I am alive with or without these binding beliefs that limit me and so while alive in the body and still vigorous or elderly and fading one HAS DIED not necessarily as an organic entity but to ones former beliefs. ONE realises that the life so far led has been a mind construct and only that; it has literally been all in the mind.
One then realises that one is free to be just mind; mind being awareness and consciousness and is free of beliefs but can live freely without the restrictions of mind constructs that bind one to a path of rigid adherence and then enjoy the temporary illusionary flesh body and realise in intuitive flashes 'I AM MIND, I AM CONSCIOUSNESS, MY TRUE NATURE IS AWARENESS' I can live without form and I can create form knowing it is I that created it and it is not my true nature. I AM THAT and that is reality.
SHACK
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