SHACK 4055 The Call

Courtesy  Lone Wolf.com  1

I could well name this the cry of the lone spiritual Warrior, the call to spirit, the spiritual Samurai ka, the call of the unknown, the call of the wild and so many other epithets. No image of words describes what my deep soul journey expresses or feels. 

Courtesy Emito.net. 2

From the age of four when I had NDE I felt I was different not so much physical although I was a sick child living with a parental unease and the second world war in an evacuated out of London town. I never really made friends although I had many and realised I was a loner as I soon found out. In those days it felt uneasy and baffling and yet there was a part of me that survived and in someway thrived. 

Later at work my workmates and friends thought I might be 'queer, gay a homo' and yet as soon as I felt a call, at first to the Judo and the aesthetic and something else calling. I found all religions old, antiquated, they had served their purpose and this meditation and quite and the discipline I was being exposed to by Sensei and later on Sifu was satisfying something deep within me and yet it avoided my grasping mind to capture it and live it and the more I tried to possess it the more it distanced itself from me, how could this be? Two of me THAT and the other grasping me. My relationships with girls and women I enjoyed and they said there was a part of me they could not reach in fact nor could I, they said I was a lone wolf and as the years went on I became that especially now in my middle eighties and I don't feel lonely and thrive in silence and being 'me' whatever that is. 

Because of the ' pathless path I  tread, no definite discipline just some rudimentary routines to keep body and soul together so to speak' I have become isolated from family and friends and it does not unduly bother me, accept at moments wondering at the mysterious events in life some have been life threatening and precarious which by the unknown hand brought about chaos and now seen as synchronistic. This jigsaw of seemingly displaced events come together mysteriously so seemed and yet another piece to the puzzle.   

Many of the routines, disciplines have been discarded and at first it alarmed me and now just going along with the chaos of chaos world wide and personally and yet feel relatively OK with it and not turning a blind eye to the world and its affairs. 

' Psalm 42.1 'As a hart panteth after the clear cool brook'  (hart -male deer) I just love this quote and it goes on to say 'so I long for you dear God'. There is a definite hunger, a call, somewhere within as distinct from outside, the lack of an auditory sound I cannot say inner or outer a knowing apart from the human senses as it were, I just know. I have like many others tried to define God even in my early exposure to the Torah as a Jew then breaking free of all doctrines, even the Japanese / Chinese philosophies and a late Shamanic Andes, Siberian 'call' to simply just feel the call as it were and not try to understand what God is or not, neither go into Shamanic levels through, imagery, ritual , burning incense and yet if called will do so.  

I have realised that this call is so strong that at the deepest sorrow and life threat it has managed to come through like rescuers searching for bodies after an Earthquake, not healing or a miracle, although some were, but reassurance that all is well even unto pain, suffering and death, this call is deep, only not deep as thought, it is buried under the inculcation of the ages and has always been there yet the inculcated material has seduced by habit and the reward of the flesh temporarily 'hidden and obscured' that which is the call and its feeling.  

The call is the longing of the soul to be one with the Universal soul, in fact it is one with the ONE but is tricked by the temptress of worldly acquisition and hoarding that rusts and decays as does the precious gift of my body, although now feeble and lame in parts, yet still precious and loving.

I really do feel a thirst and no amount of fluids can abate it, there is a difference from sexual thirst, hydration thirst, wealth thirst it is a longing ancient and before the Universe was formed, it is beyond the ken of mind or men.  'Scottish “Di ye ken fit like, y'ken”. 

 May I suggest you read SHACK 21 Angel Face, I thought and felt this was the one but she was as I was and gradually we felt to be apart and both find what it was, she and I got the call and we slipped apart, in pain and somewhat heartbroken, but we knew the call was and is so powerful and as wonderful as our relationship was the union with the call and its 'feel' was and is supreme, although we may not complete Union in this life.

The is no more to say; for going further would defeat the purpose of not knowing because this beyond knowing and any attempt to define or verbalise this puts into ego wanting to capture the not knowing into a knowing an intellectual understanding and some sort theory, religion, spiritual practise, I feel to go on blindly, without much guidance and reassurance not really knowing or understanding and in this somewhat desolate place, a desert in the world without some edifying morsel I stumble and yet there is this call which sustains me in a way that is not physical, psychological or any mental stability and yet as I lurch on wondering why I am here and yet somehow knowing I should be for utterly no reason at all I feel only the cry of the lone wolf, the spiritual warrior and am I in delusion or illusion I have no idea and as for enlightenment the phrase comes to mind 'you must be joking'.

SHACK aka GEOFF