SHACK 3016 NEVER LIVED, ALREADY DEAD

Zezan Tam

 I NEVER WAS

I ACCEPTED THE ILLUSIONS OF MYSELF

BY BRAIN WASHING

AS A BABY I HAD NO CHOICE

ON AWAKENING

MAYBE

SHACK

SHACK 3015 SMALL AND POTENT

Winter Bush 

A small beautiful teacher,

 a little bush growing growing in the garden, almost unnoticed in a closet as it were with other bushes some three feet away from it with a tree as the center piece of the scene.

So still, yet so vibrant and I felt 'I don't know if you have thoughts or are self aware?

You grow by natures Will and just that simple.

I grow by Natures Will but my ego overrides it with thought, noisy clumsy thought, as if I know better than nature. The greedy grasping ego, more and more wanting, hoarding, acquisitions and yet not really satisfied.

Oh yes! consider the lilies in the field, they toil not neither do they spin, for Spirit knows of their need, after all Nature through Spirit designed and created them.

Great Spirit, Great Source of Life, I need your help, I need to let go and let you guide me and run my life and to shed this over thinking envious judgemental ego.

This relentless ego; its demands constant and incessant doing, noise and chatter and nosiness. Come on do something.

There are downtimes of low energy and mood that reveal dark hidden corners of the room and ego and I resist them because they are uncomfortable and I am ashamed that they are in my psyche.

The the bush seems to come to mind, sit still, be still, be empty, ah let that be.

That little bush in the garden doesn't have to do anything to get love and applause, doesn't need a mortgage, it is intrinsically itself.

Its still beauty and magic coming from its slender branches somehow mesmerises me and as I gaze at its sheer beauty, it seems to honour me by drawing me into its energy filed and sharing its essence and for a brief moment or two I feel at one and joined.

SHACK

Some SHACK's back I shared the essence and invitation from the trees in the garden. SHACK 567 'TREES'  2nd March 2019 and SHACK 801 'TALKING TREES' 17th.August 2020

 

SHACK 3014 WHO SAID?

Make a Meme

A huge shake up, to some blasphemy, to some never stop questioning, to some guilt, shame and loss and insult to ego image.

Ramindu Randeni

I have written a lot about the ego being the collective experiences and selective beliefs and mainly from cloned brain washing and very few break from their inculcated culture, ethos and traditions and when one realised that one is someone else's ideas and culture and that one had very little choice, the first being one's name at birth and further on in one's development one may awaken to the fact that'I AM NOT AN ORIGINAL, I AM ONLY AN 'I' or an identity formed by parental and other exposures and repetitious impacts by often repeated mantras of one's teachers, priests(priests of atheism),scepticism and so on, then this awakening challenges the identity of that set of collective indoctrination hitherto built into a non negational reality and all consuming lifestyle. 

One feels a shock, loss and even mourning of the passing and death of the whole dam lot of former rules and one may venture into another set of rules, or laws and ruled made up of the remnants of the dying old patterns and sort of stitched together in a hotchpotch free floating agendas and one may assume or really play into 'I am free I have no fixed identity, I am enlightened' and laugh and even mock the 'bound by ego choice and even feel superior and vain, 'those poor bound suckers'  

I have felt this 'false freedoms' and I have begun to to see the bits after the shattering explosion of awakening and having been cloned and brain washed and not original and knowing all ideas, concepts and so called facts can be manipulated, reconfigured and heaven knows with the digital age and virtual reality and also do we live in the 'mind of God' a holographic virtual reality played out by the God of the Universe and we are virtually just in the matrix and plugged into God's mind, we are said to be given free will as  a gift from God and yet if we go our own way, it seems we end up limited and try to beat God at Gods own hand.

I found that after the awakening of 'no mind no identity' its not that simple, after the explosion and shock there can be trauma and I for one was dazed and still am. After the explosion of awakening it is not instant enlightenment, it maybe enlightening, mainly intellectual, psychological and the remnants, the bits of debris after the crash can be clung to like the hard bits in the pan after cooking and need scrubbing they are subtle and adhering. 

This morning after some very testing worldly affairs due to mundane material and legal stuff and sometimes looking for a distraction on two fronts; the irksome tasks of cooking, cleaning, legal and mundane chores, yet in a way a distraction from my inquisitive nosy academic mind on trying to figure out what the emancipation of no identity is like, the feel of it and a few touches of it and the peace and wanting to have it all the time and make that a reality, then reality is not a fixed thing or place either in mind or materialism. It a dynamic, a rolling nothingness that is nothingness.

Still there is this dominant feel see awareness, that is aware it seeking that nebulous ebullient 'no identity' and makes a role out of it and can be a substitute for the 'real deal' as it were.

Who said masturbating was unclean and ungodly? In my early days between eleven and thirteen the bible and the Rabbinical said, that masturbating was wasting ones seed and that one had to go to the mikvah( a bath for cleansing and purity) and under pressure and anxiety masturbation can relieve pressure and at odd times when I felt extreme pressure I have watched porn or just imaged it myself and wanked. Afterwards I used to feel so much guilt and shame, do it the darkened room, hide it from God in the dark and who said God said it to Moses, Mohammed, Krishna and some Rabbi, after all trying to just watch it that is the pressure to relieve the offending cause of the tension was not working. OF course the punishment for wanking; I was told one could go to hell and not book a seat in heaven. I now realise that the shame and guilt felt are so horrible to experience that this is the hell punishment this is hell on Earth, should one overcome the need to wank, this is not sex with a partner, then I have felt the peace and joy that, that energy flowing to the pineal or 7th Chakra is so peaceful and a different joy and pleasure than the explosive in masturbation or indeed sex with a partner, the violent release of a physical orgasm as in contrast to the energetic 'head' so to speak of the kundalini one. So I had bought the ticket, I had stuck in the mind this Rabbinical 'Thy shalt NOT'. I had not realised that was still in there and was a part of an identity I thought and felt I had shed. How gloriously tight and secure the ego is, as in the Image at the head of these paragraphs and it collects the debris, waste not and want not and the ego is like the tentacles severed in science fiction films that have been severed and yet have a feel and put out magnetic emanations and from the scraps a new being is formed. The ego has to be busy, involved centre stage out there or in one's head.

Perhaps one should keep questioning old adages and axioms, not sceptical but just questioning, be alert, aware, and present. Just because through the ages certain aphorisms and maxims were taken as 'the truth' and passed down in inculcation does not mean they are true as times and cultures change or do they? Furthermore seeking to bring about a complete cultural change extemporaneously or by an agenda such as eugenics, transhumanism, technocracy, cyborgism, woke or a stifled media paying homage to political masters and wealthy oligarchs or multinational companies this is merely extreme egoistic and in some ways if the ego is rampant and becomes sociopathic and psychopathically unstable and rampant whereas the mind that is set free with no identity and has recognised the mental ego juggling and the extreme complexities and intricacies of the human condition will then feel its way, its creativity coming from a source of joy and seemingly to a vast and yet unseen source of Life.

QUESTION MORE WITHOUT SCEPTICICISM.

   SHACK

      

  

 

SHACK 3013 EYE, EYE

Symbols

There are so many legends and spiritual assumptions about the ' the all seeing eye' and its connection to the pineal gland and with the Pine Cone. Some research in this has been shadow banned and taken down, either by the Woke, cancel culture or religious dogma.

Some Eastern meditations concentrate on the third eye, which is a chakra and in the space between the eyebrows or some say higher up the forehead. Just a few examples; '  According to this belief, humans had in far ancient times an actual third eye in the back of the head with a physical and spiritual function. Over time, as humans evolved, this eye atrophied and sunk into what today is known as the pineal gland' 'The Cyclops was a cruel giant with one large eye instead of two, and he decided that Odysseus and his men were not leaving. The Cyclops lifted an enormous boulder and blocked the doorway, then picked up two of Odysseus's men and ate them for dinner before lying down to sleep' There are other legends such as Atlanteans may have been cyclopean and then why is the symbol of the Pine Cone in places of worship and on many religious staffs?

Short Video 48 secs.

A Great one

So what led me to write this?; this morning in meditation I felt dark, lonely and abandoned, I could not reach any peace, I did not want to do anything to change it, uncomfortable as it was, I watched, squirmed, writhed and the pressure built up. Then it was extraordinary; I got this visual and also tactile, tangible feeling in my third eye area and like an iris of a camera something slowly rolled away and then light and bliss and it was glorious.

My whole body and mind were relaxed and I felt a million dollars as they say. I have written when I was 'rescued and saved' in illness, in hospitals and other situations, in those situations I deliberately surrendered to the process and the 'light came', this was slightly different, I surrendered painful as it was and let the darkness and dread fully envelope me, in fact it took me over despite my surrendering, something spontaneously happened and the iris rolled away.  

Half Circle Clip Art

The image above appeared in my third eye are and of course in a smaller size, then the left hand black bit sort of iris like rolled back. It showed me that there is an infinite abundance of assistance in the Universe even if one is not aware of it not.

I must own my dark, shadow side and like a wave there are troughs and crests and I suppose we surf these during our lives. I have the feeling in me I would like only crests and that might be an ego indulgence, the troughs brings me down to Earth and the possible outcome maybe the middle way, that phenomenon that cuts the wave in semi circles.

SHACK

 

SHACK 3012 SQUASHED

Squashed Art

SCIENCE CAN 

SQUASH

VULNERABILITY

ITS OK TO BE VULNERABLE 

SOMETIMES

SHACK 

SHACK 3011 BATTLE OF THE TITANS

Den of Geek

As I type this on the 14 January 2023 I am reminded of a KrishnaMurti quote'it is in the mirror of relationships that we may find ourselves. I had pondered this for many years and found many 'conditioned' reactions in myself through it.

I even had some years of living free in a way and not reacting and were peaceful and joyous. Then the last three or four years with the lockdowns due to the bad flu I feel called Covid, by the way I never had Covid, the nastiness in me and others became apparent, I felt their fear and honestly rather smugly felt I can cope with this through my diet, meditation, Qi Gong and then I secretly laughed at the mask wearer's and if you read my blog I hammered the authorities and those that would not let any expert talk or hint about the narrative put out by the WHO, The Gates Foundation and the WEF. The alternative view is still being suppressed by a media which is but a political arm of whatever view of the political, pharmaceutical or religious view it supports or is financed by. 

I was coming aware of my own very biased agenda; I had ben writing in this site about conditioning, a brief review of it; When we are born we are given a name, a religion (atheism in my mind is a religion) a culture and so on and some conditioning, brain washing and a word I feel epitomises the whole structure inculcation. We were brain washed robots and mostly without choice and taught to be who we are, when we awaken to this it can be a shock and this could be the first step on discovering oneself or seeing this shy away into distraction and denial.

To that extent I realised intellectually that, that conditioning became one's identity and reality. Furthermore if it became steadfast it could become so cemented that would kill, maim and war could ensue if one's inculcation opposed another and I made a quote about the space vacated when the bombshell exploded and I said 'I have nowhere to hang my hat', I felt I could live without and identity and I felt for a while I was free and perhaps enlightened?

Then I realised through and incident I will go into further on, I maybe intellectually awakened and psychologically somewhat at ease and then a real 'whack on the side of the head'( a title of a book which I will attempt to read).

In the block of flats where I live there have been many trials with the residents and the management. We have six managers leave and about five or six area supervisors for a company that owns 50,000 properties. Our latest manager is very dogmatic, will not budge an inch and will go as to lose her job rather than backdown. This manager irritates, irks and brings out the very deep anger  in me, we have crossed swords twice so to speak. The latest one brought out the very worst of me and the manager.

I went to bed that night looking at every way I could win and get the manager to apologise. Then the penny dropped, I did not like the mangers attitude or in fact anything else about the manager. I saw in the mirror that I did not like this behaviour in me. Of course I knew this and also in counselling others and in my psychotherapy with clients, time and time again I have seen this in them and me. Yes I know this and glibly went on and had a few confrontations with friends and colleagues, I had seen in the forensic work how murders and aggravated assault worked in this way, also police doing another down for promotion and business shenanigans.

I felt I had cleared mine; Oh boy this confrontation really brought it home at a deep personal level and I realised that there is no such thing as enlightenment until one is enlightened, my ego which I thought I knew about took an almighty swipe and shifted some heavy duty crud out of the system.

I realised I was clinging to my own system of 'the gap, comfortable without an identity as such and so on'. It was a reality about no reality, I realised that space of mind became a sort of focal point and was still local mind with extended borders. This was a clash of the Titans and the manager would never climb down nor give and inch, nor would I. I found myself looking for a way to get the manager by fair or foul means and got so stressed in bed as above that I got hot and my head nearly burst with overthinking and demonic stratifies, I will die rather than give in, I have not got to this point in my life over various incidents.  

Why this manager?; I don't know. Then it came, I felt to give way, the dying was that part of my ego, I let it go, what a relief, I then did ho opono pono(Hoʻoponopono is a traditional Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness. The Hawaiian word translates into English simply as correction, (I do not agree with correction) I truly acknowledge and bless the manager for bringing this mirror of myself to me. The manager was my teacher and taught me a good lesson. It took a Titan Ego to show me my Titan Ego. I also realised I used to say we only teach that which we have to learn and how true that is.

The fact that I thought the ego was emptied so to speak is an assumption which it may well be to steer away from. So the learning goes on and I am ever grateful to our new manager, it will be interesting how we get on after this.

SHACK 

 

SHACK 3010 THE WEIGHT OF THOUGHT

Thomas Lerooy

The last few weeks (now 15 January 2023) I have been suffering abdominal pains and indigestion, I tried the various remedies and food changes and this seemed to make it worse. 

I was sleeping late and writhing in pain, numerous peeing and wind and then one morning it came to me as I contemplating the day before and explaining to a resident about differences of opinion and how we measure the distance to the Sun from Earth and this triggered off the feeling I was carrying science as a weight in my head, I felt it weighty and extremely heavy and had taken part of my 'emptiness' over and was becoming a sort of fill in for the loss of identity and the more of the Dr stuff the more the obligation to live up to it. I felt it was becoming to be a defining, reasoning and then a belief. Nature does this and this brought about by signals and codes in information commensurate to the form that nature through spirit designed and the natural upgrades and reconfigurations done by spirit and not by human genetic, eugenics, transhumanism. It shifted a load of my shoulders, indeed the weight of thought I realised really affected my body a real example of psychosomatic symptoms, the head ruling the body.

 

Thomas Lerooy

My head was full of unnatural curiosity, the weight of intense research and realising the empty atom and no identity was the mystery and could be enough, I don't know how Spirit caused me and the Universe anymore, some things are without reason and need to be as a saying from the East' Leave the rogue male elephant alone browsing in the Jungle'.

I realised my obsession as in previous SHACKS on being right and my ego armed with scientific know how, is an ego trick to lure me away from my emptiness, to be my reality of facts, equations and everything in place and just so. Yes they can be alright as long as they are the end and be all and not be the cloud or bung in my emptiness.

I found that my ego got massaged when I mentioned my degrees and the applause and attention, I had to walk my talk. Science should move on, in some cases it does and many cases it just goes round and round with a few modifications so as to not take many academics out of their comfort zone.  It can lead to stultification.  

When the natural release came it was painful, I writhed in pain, had to go to toilet several times and the poop came out of my head so to speak and not from my anus. It was like a relief felt throughout the body and my whole being body, mind and soul was relaxed and what it was I feel now I was on the way to 'not knowing' and with 'no reason' and siting quietly and not wanting to be right or take applause or be recognised as such and perhaps a 'nobody' like every body else. This was a follow up on the manager I wrote about a few SHACKS back.

Maybe more or maybe less to follow, that's the way of things.

Ce est la vie.

SHACK