life made to order
Going back to the 'have a cup of tea' in Shack 69 Koan as I said a period of distinct disorientation followed, a real shift had taken place.
One of these stands out; I seemed to have lost the bit in the mind where I know that I know, a sort of confidence in my education and the ability to do my job. I was faced one of these days with a set of formulae I needed to revise for my job. I was terrified that this experience had given me amnesia.
I confided this to my mother and she had a wisdom which was priceless. She said 'Do what your teacher said, go and look at your navel or whatever your teacher said'.
I went and sat by the side of the bed, I could not sit crossed legged or my on knees because a football accident prohibited that. I started to watch my thoughts without judgement, concentrating on the breath as well, soon all fears and thoughts went away and I was left in a deep peace and quiet. Slowly and yet profoundly I felt these words, its a strange communication, I do not hear them, they are a sort of deep resonant whisper and these were they; 'I know that I don't know but when I need to know, I will know'.
The next day I went to work and sat at my workplace and sat quietly and things appeared to me and I knew, it was as if I was thinking without thought--- more explanation is for me impossible.
So trust in the unknown seemed to be the answer. Years went on, financial difficulties, pressure at work doing workshops, clinics and a full time job, serious health issues took its toll and many of the trust stuff went into a dormant state, they came back in times of need.
SHACK
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