What is normal? No matter where you run and how fast you can never get away from yourself. SHACK
Realising the only threat to me was my own
negative beliefs which produce disturbing thoughts some of which were not
always recognisable but were like shadows, nuances like an automated process.
These processes are like when one rearranges the furniture in a room and one
tends to go automatically to the previous placement.
So really the so called ‘outside world’ does not
exist in a way, it is merely the overlay, the cosmetic makeover, the make up,
the mask and the paint job the redecorating that my experiences turned into
beliefs, codes of conduct, cultural expectations and then the shock to realise
that my familiar world is but a brain washed, in a way a con job.
Then this realisation when it is fully recognised
and goes deep into the unconscious vault where it started from and then
surfaces to the bright light of recognition which is nothing out there is real
in real terms, it is an agreed fabrication in order to keep sanity and the
status qua. Then I feel to go to the
outside world and run away from this glaring reality and seek solace in some
distraction such as a fantasy, a TV programme anything to relieve the burden, there is nowhere to go and it is to me to deal with the illusions of
non-reality. There is nothing among the Planets, The Stars, The Worlds of
Imagination and spiritual dogma, hedonistic riches, having high status in
society or being an off grid loner, a monk, a homeless wandering hobo tramp.
Madness can creep in here, where do I turn?
No one can help me, do I need counselling,
psychiatric help, should I be locked up, depression and suicidal thoughts can
assail me, yet I know that this is a compromise and escape from what really is.
I am trapped by my own mind, no one is to blame,
the outside mania is all as above, people trapped in a brain washed false
reality, so ingrained that it appears real until one pierces the net, the veil
of illusion, the matrix of deception which many authorities know exist and are
trapped in as well, however they use this deception to rule and dominate
others.
I run away from society the boring TV, the endless
huge money in sport, the lies and deception of politics, the revenge of wrathful Gods in religion all claiming the only true religion and the
confidence of the LORD.
So I seek the silence and go to the only place of
safety and peace that which resides when I break through the fogs, mists and
obstacles of the tangled forest of my mind, bumping blindly into some avenue or
haven in the fantasies and imageries of the deluded mind. I get awoken with a
jolt when I am in some vagaries of delusion and coming out of the hangover of a
deception and a mere wisp of a pleasure only to realise this is a mere glimpse
of unreality and leaves a bitter taste in the mouth and wishing so dearly for a
lasting pleasure that cannot be found in form or flesh.
Here I stop all phone calls, rush to the silence
in meditation to sort all this out only to realise I am not running from the
nasty world out there and why don’t they wake up and blame the horror of the world
wars, politics, fanatical religious wars, I am indeed running away from my
thoughts and conclusions about them and me, I am at war with myself just as much as countries are, the political shenanigans, the intrigues and so on, the
jealousy of the celebrities and billionaires that I feel have got it all, and
yet this is another ruse, If only I had wealth I could get out of this, yet I
know wherever I went what ever distraction I got into there would be that
nagging doubt, I will die to all of this, this is not really me and who I am
and I would be sad in the midst of riches just as I would be in poverty and I
am in neither.
Trapped and imprisoned by a relentless world of
human made misery not only punishing all of nature and human kind but the
Universe and Its beauty, so I live with my realisation there is no escape, the
silence is the silencing of my own distracting thoughts and I shift the blame
onto the world as it is and those polices that humans make to rule it.
There is no turning back, up, forward, downward
inwards or outwards. So I can go out
into the world or retreat to be a hermit either way it is a ‘way’ and merely a
coping mechanism. So running from me or
staying with me is not the solution, the solution is there is no solution, when
the mind suddenly and finally reaches this, an awakening which can be and is
extremely uncomfortable as the old Zen saying has it ‘ sitting on top of a
hundred foot pole’ the tip of which is uncomfortable and one puts one’s hands
into the buttocks to stop the pole digging in, the pole being the height and
accumulation of the ego, which I am running away from, and then DO I jump and
let go or slide down a bit for a more comfortable position and delay the
process, and reminding myself death is not a solution, for it remains
unfinished business and the Universe does not leave anything over it merely
recycles, oh boy! reincarnation and the same old, same old, no way.
So where does that leave me now, absolutely
nowhere and perhaps that’s where I need to be. Then again how can I be in
nowhere if it isn't a place at all?
SHACK
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