Bevology
Physiologically in many cases of depression and
when the person has come through it with or without drugs and with or without
therapy and moved through suicidal thoughts into some kind of awakening and
clarity, there is research that alterations in the brain shown by scanning have
taken place. I can do no better than ask whoever reads this to see this video
below. ( Dr Lisa Miller)
As for my take on this I liken the depressive
feeling and its sojourn for a while as ‘the dark night of the soul’ and a
period of chaos and of dissipative structures (Illya Prigogine I have written
about him and how it applies to the spiritual path elsewhere) which I feel are
linked.
There maybe as Dr Miller explains some cases where
depression is an ‘illness’ and yet if that person could receive or be
introduced to a spiritual path maybe more would come through and would find a
deep compassion and spread to be world changing. My imagination leaps when I
feel that all the traumatised children and adults who are desperate and lonely
especially in war torn situations and abuse were when possible introduced not to
a religion with dogma but to find that ‘glow, love and presence which has no denomination, description or dogma, no bibles or holy texts but just a loving
compassion’.
Typing this on the day of 11th
March 2018
which is a Sunday and happens to be Mothers Day in England
There is also a feeling of being crazy and out of
my mind, a spiritual madness another kind of madness. I am not bothered by many
racing thoughts and just as one crisis on the spiritual path one can besieged
by them, now there is emptiness not a ‘no mind peace’ but a mind that is urging to
return to ‘normality’ whatever that is, to be my former self, the self I knew
and recognise no matter how transparent and illusionary that felt. So another
kind of madness ensues, I am not off my rocker so to speak, yet feel the
insanity of the world, not the crazy leaders of the world wanting war and
extermination which is suicidal because I feel they are depressed and have no
way out and capitulation is seen as weakness. I seem to have lost my feeling of
the presence and is saying to me from somewhere within this pit of endless
unpleasant barren desert ‘just ride the wave know you can never be out of the
presence, be patient and wait’ and then the madness feels to jump out of care,
compassion and just not do anything, and perhaps that is the best way, ‘in my
own strength I feel useless and nothing, getting old and aching’ a sad old man
declining and slowly life and energy seeping from my persona and body. Yet this enrages me and stirs me to exercise
more and over do it, holding on to any advice these experts who are droning on
about diet, broken brain, neuroplasticity and so on, endless webinars, then to sell the books,
the courses afterwards, then should I give up caring and stop the blog. My body and mind scream for rest, my limbs
are tired and I cramp at night in bed, my home needs cleaning and I feel what’s
the use, my body will die and yet and yet---!!!?
Despite this depressive dark night, seeming
madness there is something deep inside which is trying to call me, get my
attention like a bad signal to your phone and now and again you hear the voice
and it then sends a vibration and a glow and the connection has gone again.
It would convenient to theorise at this point but
I feel to do so; perhaps the cooking pot has been cleaned and perhaps those
last difficult to clean and get at bits are left and these tenaciously adhere
to the surface, this is my safety net says the remaining food which has been vigorously
broken away, fractured from the whole and so feel isolated and marooned only to
be evicted and swirled down the sink hole to the sewer of dark hell.
Maybe if the analogy above were applied to the
ego, the last few bastions of beliefs are being unceremoniously cleaned out or
brought up for scrutiny and recognition that the witness to all this is
confronted by very few holding beliefs and programmes, the absence of the
presence and stands between the edge of the coin, one side depression and a
normal humdrum life of TV, old Age, polluted planet and media shocking news and
violent videos and on the other side the Presence of Grace and inner
peace. What then one may ask?
It’s not a psychological, will power thing, not a
mind choice which merely will remain in the vestiges of the remnants of the
fading beliefs left and are defiantly holding rigid to their safety net which
in itself is tearing itself and fighting for survival. Holding onto to
anything, last gasps to save choking, the stranglehold of the past and no
definite future, for most futures are based as mere projections of the past
with modifications and makeovers, so there seems a blank, a not pleasant
nothing and all the attempts to finding a new identity with something, anything
fail, it seems that there is no solution.
The no solution can lead one back to depression
and so on, yet with the spiritual path waiting long enough, not the hope of a
miracle or synchronous event like the baby being fed by parents or die, the stark
fact emerges, there is nothing out there in the world to help find a solution;
a hobby, drugs, sex, another relationship, TV, madness and depression, when the
stark naked truth hits, then suicide, no that’s a cop out and god forbid
reincarnation, running away become a homeless tramp, maybe a Buddhist monk or
some such thing, then accepting that there is no Earthly hope and there is no
God, there is just ten per cent of fuck
all, then on true acceptance of the non-existence of anything or there isn't
even nothing or no mind, utter ------ then it is said the coin may(mark you may) flip over and
that presence and grace may grant salvation --------what is salvation the True
Self without definition., and even that is a definition.
SHACK
Dr Lisa Miller
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