SHACK 504 NO NEED

I had a glimmer of freedom, not real emancipation just one of those ah ha's that never really stick but just a rung in the ladder to the summit fooling oneself and like the mountain climber shaking hands in glee at the accomplishment and then looking across at other mountains realising this is one of many more to climb.

This glimmer came when I was about to exercise, do a meditation, juice some vegetables go out to do shopping, all these were in my my thoughts when suddenly I felt all these were things I do, disciplines to insure I am healthy, reach my spiritual attainment whatever and when ever that maybe, a good healthy death and go to some place, another dimension, an off world planet carried away by ET or angels, never to come back to this horror of wars, suffering, strife, misery and weird minds like me. 

The glimmer intimated in a flash as in ah ha's do that these thoughts, disciplines are only another gimmick of the ego, the true self does not need any of this and one could let go of it all.  These were mere strategies soft rewards to ensure my survival, and so the need to do these disciplines were seen as just an insurance policy against ill health, misery, suffering and the possibility of a painful long drawn out painful illness and sickness a feeble ending a painful death.

This then did relieve me of the burden of 'having to do these survival modes' and yet the need of feeling I had let myself down, if I missed a juicing session, a meditation, a good night's sleep and exercise of Qi Gong session I would fall ill, get a high BP reading, feel stiff and in joint pain and so on, all these as the ego feels unsafe and vulnerable, so the punishment must be, guilt, feeling ill, I am diminishing myself, what will my family, friends and neighbours think, I am hobbling, not feeling well, Mr big tough no all guy has fallen and shame brought to his image of perfection.

 Yet somehow the glimmer gave the ego permission by seeing this space open up and another vista and a bit more of the murky light shade, the dusty room, the unclean window, the blur of the tainted war torn corrupt human driven mad ego world, the net of conditioning and programmed brain washed foggy misty, hot turbid world, that the veil, the shroud of dank smelly overlay had been lifted slightly and pin holes of light had appeared like small rays of sunlight through a moth eaten curtain.

The world was never quite the same after this.

SHACK