SHACK 455 PARTIAL

Time and date

When the ego realises its frailty and fragility and has tried every fantasy, illusion, mind games, relationships and distractions from this knowledge of its own vulnerability it can go into depression. What’s the use if I am not a real existence and at most a make believe or a self made Hollywood movie with me as the director, actors, crew and media rave and all the razzmatazz that the ego wallows in and feels high on.

Then there is the suicide state of mind and some think, if there is nothing to do in life and why am I here I feel a waste of space so I might as well go somewhere else off this planet. I met a Lama once by chance in the West End in London UK where I was working at the time and someone was going to jump off of a building and he said to me ‘don’t judge suicides it make have been the only choice for this person, sometimes desperate people do desperate things to our way of thinking and we have no idea what goes in their mind.

Distraction can be many things and acceptable to society, hobbies, social bonding, relationships, pets, TV, drugs, sexual indulgence, thrill seeking and the rest. When any of the above are not able to be performed, or die, or for any reason then mourning, grieving, withdrawal symptoms and desperately seeking another alternative and the end it all ends the same way even unto death.

The quest for self which often means peeling the onion of the ego when one realises it is only a set of ideas which differ in world regions, that each layer is a construct of the you that you think you are, merely layers upon layers, programmes, brainwashing indelibly etched into the hardrive and software of the mind that gives the illusion of who you are. These can be like a million high building made of millions of bricks each one an idea, a nuance, some bricks bound together in a block of related stuff.

I seems a daunting task to dismantle this gigantic structure and one may think that one lifetime  is not enough to do this task and give up or deny its existence and may cherish to the idea of reincarnation or not. If not I do not what to go all through this again. Yet there is a way, albeit a slim chance; to realise in total depth and surrender to fact that one has no personality, one is just an idea formed from many ideas put into a fantasy movie and held in a cassette titled ego. This is the DVD of Yourself. This if not fundamentally realised and imbued causes a massive reaction from the ego to defend and justify itself. It can cause madness, attack people and itself, cause all sorts of bodily illness and disease and joint problems (joint problems, I will not move on and surrender, stiff neck and stubborn no way am I giving up me, I will not bend my knees to no one but me, headaches and sinuses because I am irritated and head pressure this assault on me and so on).  Some egos I have met have said ‘better to be crippled than be dead to myself’ ‘ In my ego pain I can extract cold comfort and sympathy and empathy in my ego pain and poor me’ ‘ I will cause mayhem and destruction without mercy’

This brings up denial I can cause destruction and mayhem and justify this with denial which is my major defence mechanism for committing war atrocities and neighbour and person conflicts is OK because I am in denial and this absolves the guilt or remorse. If you have ever tried reasoning or bargaining or making sense or a personal plea to hard people in hard denial you may have realised that it is like communicating with a brick wall and this applies to oneself with oneself, the ego will always deny its denial and less there is a sense of self awareness.

So all the gurus who make a fortune of writing, lecturing are useful at starting one off in the quest and in the end one may find there is no solution or answer, one may realise one has been on a wild goose chase and have come to who one is and to where one started. A Zen saying ‘before a hill was a hill, then a hill becomes all sorts of things but a hill, now it is a hill again’. So one may ask oneself where do I go from here. A stark answer maybe ‘nowhere’ that causes the ego to rise in defiance, oh I better reach out for a drink, a calm me down tape, TV, or some distraction, I’ll go to the gym, I’ll phone, surf the net, write an article blaming or being angry at or thing,  someone I get worked up and get ill and resentful, I’ll blame that will take away the pressure. What if one says halt, enough, stop breathe relax. Yes the storm may rage don’t run from the pain, hurt, terrible thoughts, don’t push it away or accept it, watch the excuses, it’s the polluted collective unconscious, the elite sending out harmful vibes, chemtrails GMO foods well my friends are going through this, this is but cold comfort.

The symptoms may still be there, yet one might have had a glimpse of something, a deep knowing this is not really real, this is not of me, these are the illusions of a built up falsity of life conditioned and believed as real, these are the bricks of the material world and a wise man said ‘be in the world but not of it’

These are my experiences over the last few months and I am unfolding myself, peering into the mystery of me and who I am not. Once again I laugh like I did a few years back when I realised there is no ‘me’ as an ego, I have no personality, no passport that the world recognises. Trapped, cornered and not wanting to seek the horror or loveliness of myself, where do you go when you know it’s false, you know that you have the laughter and freedom and then back in the doom of the ego. The ego has such a relentless hold, a super, super glue that it has to be worn away, the ego gets tired and exhausted and those moments of awareness one realises that the sleeping beast is at rest and takes the opportunity glimpse and feel the Self.

  One should avoid sticking labels and defining what it is like to be free of ego, because any attempt to do so or the latent curiosity to compartmentalise and box things up neatly is a championship ego ploy.

OK who can I blame my suffering on; I was alright before starting this crap game of ‘who am I’ and all the masters say the biggest block to finding out who you are is seeking the magical and mystical enlightenment, satori, nirvana, Samahdhi, NDE, OBE ( out of body experiences) psychic powers and so on, maybe they are illusions as well. I know I will blame everyone but not just me YET.  The blame game is endless and books on Zen, Yoga, Self Growth, The Quest, The spiritual Path, like diet books are confusing and yet useful if one gets a feeling to pursue through one’s own intuitive path that is not confusing impulse as intuition. For if we following adroitly and with preference and predilection some else’s path we are an imitation and it is a plagiarism endeavour.

I  have written the above and what follows( I write all this and then type it); On the 1^st September 2017 at about 21.00 hrs I felt a huge massive cold and shivered I could not get warm, I put on many layers of clothes and then sweated and had a huge temperature, the pain in my sinuses and head was massive, I thought I would explode, I was shaking uncontrollable, the pain was so intense I felt I would pass out. Horrible thoughts of fear started, a stroke, meningitis, a brain tumour, the beginning of some horrendous ailment and so on, then my awareness seemed to click in after many urination's. I seemed to feel this was not real( it was a genuine feeling in so far as I felt it with my whole being, I know my false feelings and yet still fall victim to them)I actually began to laugh and chuckle and the symptoms eased off a bit, the pain still raged(I know there is a psychological and biological explanation for this as well about the bodies coping mechanisms and the excretion of a certain type of hormone, the difference being I was aware of my awareness and not just a bodily sensation, it may have been my awareness was in touch with bodily intelligence which is the same energy) the reality of its non realness so to speak changed something in the rigid belief system of my egos perception. Afterwards I did take some homeopathic remedies after phoning my homeopathic practitioner friend. The symptoms are still in the background and I feel these are classified in medical books, given labels, millions of Big Pharma drugs, many herbal, Ayurvidic, TCM remedies all these are in the collective unconscious and world ego over many years and so become a very important ‘brick’ building for the ego.

I have published 134 SHACK’s so far to this date of 2^nd September 2017 and these have all been about different aspects of the ego and so on, this was uncovering the layers in intensity, and the SHACK’s have been almost a journal. This has put tremendous pressure on the ego and I have been doing this for years and now it is reaching core levels. A repeat phrase from my psycho-therapeutic training ‘the body believes everything the mind tells it and becomes a repository for good and bad things, mainly a dustbin for rotting old thought forms and patterns that are not worked out, they are deposited as thought chemicals and go to organs, joints, flesh and any other matching places and so fester in these places’.

I found that no matter hard or soft I exercised, detoxed my body, eat organic, fasted and so on, if I did not detox my ego mind then I only had mediocre well being and health.

One must have the courage to face oneself and rid oneself of falsities and ideologies, one of the main ones there is such a realm or state of mind as enlightenment. Yes there is certainly intellectual and logical enlightenment about the false ego as taken as reality and even how to dismantle it. If you have on your journey the knowing that you are enlightened and free you maybe in the egos biggest and best fly trap, who is that knows you are free.

Now you know who you are not, you can leave the ego alone and stop hounding it. Your awareness which is the real you will know intuitively and instinctively this is not yourself, like clouds in the sky let them gently pass and not obscure your clarity, if you push them away or judge them or have to remind yourself to not form opinions about them, you are back in ego-Lego-land.

You may feel confused and disorientated when you find out your not yourself as it used to be, after all you've lived with the habitual you for many years and now you are in a non habitual place as it were, so until one wears in the new shoes of this non conformist free awareness then some brain (not to be confused with mind----mind uses the brain as an organic computer), it may take a while until the neuron process adapt to the codes and signals. Mind does not have a computer a location as psychiatrists, psychologists and some biologists view of the brain as merely an electric phenomena with electric fueled by the cellular activity and is enclosed and encapsulated in the brain box and limited by its belief systems and is the local mind and governed by human scientific and biological laws and forever confined to this grey matter.

However the aware expanded mind of Universal Cosmic awareness is everywhere and is seamless.  It is seamless because the Universe in its material form is composed of the same atomic particles as we are and is merely a different configuration of frequencies from vibrations and wavelengths, which have like the TV encoded information about the form and role they are to play in the scheme of things. 

Again we see the human arrogance of experts who confound and confine us with their ideologies and so limit us to the intellect and logic, no wonder many of us want to break out from these mind stultifying restrictions of religions, cultures, politics and brainwashing that clutters the free clear mind. 

SHACK

I POST these articles not in numerical order but randomly sometimes. SHACK