Femgineer
Today at the end of August
2019 one of those random thoughts came to me, it just floated in and it made
sense rather than a significant Ah Ha.
Perhaps the night before I
had watched a documentary on UFO and USO and felt so akin to the ET and always
have, it is not just a passing or emotional substitute as to the title of this
article.
OK so all the aspects in
my life; a lousy childhood, low self esteem for the most part of it, shy and
bashful, lack of self confidence, anxiety attacks not able to express my
deepest fears and emotions, extreme bad health and unable form deep and lasting relationships and so on
and yet at times the opposite especially when I am in charge or want attention
and reward which I admit possibly should come as close relationships and
family.
However the thought came
as I seem to be shedding a lot of the above in a gradual process and not
forming any of the above relationships but confidence and esteem are appearing
not in a egoist bombastic demanding way but by a softness because of the back
article on the shedding of the memorabilia and not needing to justify by badge
or certificate, accreditation or some other means but to find the Buddhist-ic
or detachment without force or dictate.
Then realising from the
above that my life has led me to this; a kind of existentialism not of the kind
of espoused by Soren Kierkegaard, Fyodor Dostoevsky, Jean-Paul Sartre and
Friedrich Nietzsche but perhaps more akin to phenomenology.
I realised that I felt
that pre life agreements ah la the Tibetan Bardo and the many workshops I
presented on this and several couples who I had worked with that were childless
and wanted a child and the deep imagery's and meditations produced the results
in astounding ways and that why had I chosen the early years and then mid years
to have such a feel and yearning for this detachment by choice. Was it because
of the inability to form the relationships as above, to shun convention, to
avoid embarrassment, to substitute and make a false world of fantasia and get
second hand approval and love from my credentials and worldly achievements and possible sublimation and so on and now that had diminished through the memorabilia
article it left me with this; a wonderful appearing clarity, less internal
dialogue and mind chatter and most of all the breaking of the real attachment
to materialism, not because it is evil but because it makes one Earthbound.
Now one might say that
Earthbound is great, yet all things of Earth and atoms and molecules, nay the
whole multi universe are impermanent and to chase permanency and wanting human life
in the flesh body for eternity (unless one is into Cyborgs, Transhumanism and
eugenics see my Blogs and POSTS see www.geofffreed.com especially POSTS 370 onward's) and is this
wrong to do so?
Like a dog chasing its
tail the urge to live forever in a body which decays over time and trying to
hold ice in the hand so it does not melt, sand dribbling through the fingers, just
brings the desire for more and more, acquisitiveness, the urge to store up more
and more so as to make sure, to insure one always has more ice, more sand so
one can keep on trying to stop the loss in the hour glass the proverbial sand
clock.
The Universe, the Stars,
our Sun will all in the passage of time cease to be and the Earth has been through
the five extinctions;
1.
Ordovician–Silurian extinction events (End
Ordovician or O–S): 450–440 Ma (million years ago) at the Ordovician–Silurian transition.
Two events occurred that killed off 27% of all families, 57% of all genera and
60% to 70% of all species.[8] Together they
are ranked by many scientists as the second largest of the five major
extinctions in Earth's history in terms of percentage of genera that became
extinct.
2.
Late Devonian extinction: 375–360 Ma
near the Devonian–Carboniferous transition.
At the end of the Frasnian Age in the later part(s) of the Devonian Period,
a prolonged series of extinctions eliminated about 19% of all families, 50% of
all genera[8] and at least 70%
of all species.[9] This extinction
event lasted perhaps as long as 20 million years, and there is evidence for a
series of extinction pulses within this period.
3.
Permian–Triassic extinction event (End
Permian): 252 Ma at the Permian–Triassic transition.[10] Earth's largest
extinction killed 57% of all families, 83% of all genera and 90% to 96% of all
species[8] (53% of marine
families, 84% of marine genera, about 96% of all marine species and an
estimated 70% of land species,[3]including insects).[11] The highly
successful marine arthropod, the trilobite,
became extinct. The evidence regarding plants is less clear,
but new taxa became dominant after the extinction.[12] The "Great
Dying" had enormous evolutionary significance: on land, it ended the
primacy of mammal-like reptiles. The recovery of vertebrates took
30 million years,[13] but the
vacant niches created the opportunity for archosaurs to become ascendant. In the seas, the percentage of animals that
were sessile dropped from 67% to 50%. The whole
late Permian was a difficult time for at least marine life, even before the
"Great Dying".
4.
Triassic–Jurassic extinction event (End
Triassic): 201.3 Ma at the Triassic–Jurassic transition.
About 23% of all families, 48% of all genera (20% of marine families and 55% of
marine genera) and 70% to 75% of all species became extinct.[8] Most
non-dinosaurian archosaurs, most therapsids,
and most of the large amphibians were eliminated, leaving dinosaurs with
little terrestrial competition. Non-dinosaurian archosaurs continued to
dominate aquatic environments, while non-archosaurian
diapsids continued to dominate marine environments. The Temnospondyl lineage
of large amphibians also survived until the Cretaceous in Australia
5.
Cretaceous–Paleogene extinction event (End
Cretaceous, K–Pg extinction, or formerly K–T extinction): 66 Ma at
the Cretaceous(Maastrichtian)
– Paleogene (Danian)
transition interval.[14] The event
formerly called the Cretaceous-Tertiary or K–T extinction or K–T boundary is
now officially named the Cretaceous–Paleogene (or K–Pg) extinction event. About
17% of all families, 50% of all genera[8] and 75% of all
species became extinct.[15] In the seas all
the ammonites, plesiosaurs and mosasaurs disappeared
and the percentage of sessileanimals (those unable to move about) was
reduced to about 33%. All non-avian dinosaurs became
extinct during that time.[16] The boundary
event was severe with a significant amount of variability in the rate of
extinction between and among different clades. Mammals and birds, the latter
descended from theropod dinosaurs, emerged as dominant large land
animals.
So in view of all of this
it dawned on me; what a blessing this life has been. Psychologists,
sociologists, psychiatrists and the like may have judged me, analysed me as a
social failure, a non achiever with lack of self esteem and confidence, a
dreamer of better days, fearful and anxious and using my credentials as a cover
up for social and tribal, religious and non conformity as a front for the
inability to handle life and that God and life had handed me a rough deal and I
was secretly envious and angry at those better off than me, especially in my
perceived weaknesses.
Yet realising from Life
and from Forensics, the stories of the thousands in my workshops, healing
sessions and so on and today with the misery of countless wars, asylum seekers,
refugees, homeless people, human trafficking, confusion over gender,
environmental pollution and so on, that life is truly transient and impermanent
and that my feeling of Life After Life is real, a spiritual energy
consciousness exists and the real lesson is to arrive there after this Earthly
flesh body ceases to function.
The pleasures of the flesh
and Earth are wonderful, food, nature, sexual excitement and participation,
music, art, running and swimming, fast cars, travel by sea and plane, mountain
climbing, trekking, gliding, friends and party’s and so on, then old age and
longing to run and walk and be young again. Then there can be illness, all the
horrors as above, crippled, arthritic, cancer and so on.
So I realised this life
despite what the ‘ologists’ and experts say about bonding and being a social
outcast and the blessing of being ‘the odd man out' or marginalised in some
cases ostracised that with the memorabilia gone and many substitutes to try and
make up for a ‘seemingly sad and lonely life’ I realised why in fact I always
came though the worst times because I knew from my NDE and meditations, my
intuitions, the synchronous or coincidental and some amazing spontaneous events
and I have never really felt lonely maybe alone because SOMEWHERE at the back
of mind so to speak, there was a hovering, lurking, stalking feeling, all is
well and that it is teaching me to let go of attachment to the hour glass, the
sand clock and there is a life that does not rot and decay.
Because if one has
attachments so rigid then when death arises there is this take over and the
magnetic pull of the delights can seduce one back or the fear and horror also
entice one back to an Earthly existence into what has been termed Karma or
unfinished business.The delights to enjoy again and the horror in the hope of
expunging the haunting feeling and a chance of a better incarnation next round.
No matter what experts on
social matters and how the mind works, it is possible to come through the
bonding process, the ‘living alone and being depressed, having no life and
being a waste of space and so on’ is another one of these pronouncements which
condemn one and once believed or the label stuck on one’s forehead, it truly is
the mark of the beast. The number of times I was told ‘what’s the matter with
you, no religion, not liking Jews (born Jewish) no girlfriend, wife, not much
money and so on, you don’t fit anywhere, your strange, your queer, are you gay,
I hope you are not one of them, you know people like you should not be in
company and so on’.
Should you care to read
earlier articles you see what I have said about being born free and the first
label stuck on you is your name and forever afterwards you are brain washed and
taught everything you know now, unless you have questioned your existence and
arrive at ‘who am I’ stripped naked of my culture, religion, beliefs and the
fact I could have been born in many different countless religions, culture,
traditions and many incarnations?
So what now; no longer
afraid of the empty mind, just like the memorabilia by the accreditation's that the world recognises as successful, one’s approval from academia, business,
profession, marriage, status and the like, there is just me, myself, I, and all
the trimmings falling away and just like throwing the symbols of so called me
into the lake and shredding all the certificates there is a more exposed
vulnerable emptiness arising or just there, with all the muck gone, less to defend and attack because there are less dogmas and
beliefs, less burdens to carry and shoulder.
That sliding away
psychologically felt somewhere in consciousness as if someone had opened a door
and the crap and shit, the debris, the rotting mind stuff slid down the chute to
make compost and recycle and cleanse. It seems a facility brought about by
meditation, reflection, rumination, thinking things through that brought about a
shift from intellect and logic to experience in real terms that all mind stuff
is impermanent as is physical stuff and that one was finer and possibly the
enabler of the more solid matter.
Now the attachment is seen
as the chute as it were an upgrade a re-figuring has occurred which has a
synaptic response if you like or as it were to enable the trap door chute to be
open and not accumulate which is an attachment and so be it, it is allowing the
flow and process of life to carry on with as little impedance as possible and
long may it be so.
SHACK
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| Walking On Sacred Ground |
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