SHACK 573 DECEPTION

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What dies, do I die?  I feel the only thing that really dies in the flesh body are these; the body, the expectations, desires and acquired possessions and if one has realised the falsity of the life one has led, then these erroneous agendas and programmes which are the brain washed self. Should one have realised this illusion of the real self then there is no dying in the real sense of the real self.

I feel a major reason for the accumulation of inherited brain washing and continuing usage of this is as follows; in popular and classic music there is this yearning search for love and two titles and lyrics of pop culture of some years back can epitomise this; look up the lyrics ‘What can I do to make you love me’ and ‘two versions ‘I ‘d do anything for love (but I won’t do that) by Meatloaf) and What you won’t do for love’ just the titles alone say so much.

Born free and then taught how to behave in a certain manner  religious, social and cultural etiquette and conforming to these without stepping on to many toes and crossing the line too often or being risqué then you get a certain amount of approval which seems like love and yet go beyond the perimeter of accepted behaviour and anger and remonstrations follow, so in a way this kind of love is a dictated lore and law.

I taught many children Judo over the years and have studied them closely (I was twenty in 1958 when I first started teaching Judo and I was a second Dan Black Belt and I continued until 1968 when I retired from teaching Judo, when I taught Judo to females and Males of all ages and some Kendo and Aiki do with meditation I always had parents, or an independent person present and never gave private one to one lessons, I knew then the devious and tricky nature of the human mind).

Nowadays on buses and shopping and with family and friends I see how the reward and punishment works. Children especially babies are sensitive to atmospheres and vibrations and also and especially facial and body postures and they will sense as do animals one’s mood and they will learn what gets them rewards and love and what angers their parents and guardians. They like the feel of love and fear the anger and punishment, so they can manipulate and bargain for reward by love and so learn habitual routines, techniques and disciplines that earn the brownie points. So in a way we have been taught to manipulate, earn, and barter for love.  In rare parental situations and communities this is not so.

What happens then is we are taught behaviours and by other conditionings an overlay is formed, a certain crust, rust and the  early years put guilt and other things on us; perhaps a deprived parent does not how to love, on many a bus trip when a baby cries or throws its food on the floor many a mother or father will shout and rave and even smack, I've seen a child so shouted and sworn at that it pooped and peed on the floor of the bus and I have seen this several times, and parents who are on their cell / mobile phones ignore the child as it endeavours to communicate and so they have dumped a toy mobile phone on them and there is very little conversations between them. When smiles by other passengers beam on the child they often laugh, smile and wave.

The interpretation of love is associated with approval and one learns to adopt these approval techniques and when one looks at celebrity ‘stars’ often they crave and feed on the adoring fans, their performances woo the adoring fans and they are or feel loved. Many when their years of stardom has ended can crack up and need rehabilitation as they even whilst popular and performing realise that when the ‘game’ is over when I retire, this is not love and that I have to earn my ‘approval love’ they do not love me for me, they love my performance which makes them feel approved and loved which furnishes their daydreams and fantasies.

Then many seek their soul mate and perfect partner who will comply with the ‘contract’ with all the conditions, words and gestures that give one the approval rating as love and should the act begin to break down and one seeks more and more to fill the empty bucket of real love whatever that is then relationships break down. One can see this between religions and countries.  My flag, my religion, my, my, my.  But my is not their my.

Harking back to my days in forensics and therapy I witnessed those who had been so traumatised by the upbringing that they believed that they must be wicked, distorted, mad, not worth the space they occupy, a waste of space, mere rubbish and what’s wrong with me, why did god do this to me I must be a miserable sinner and so on and I have had Bishops, lawyers, psychiatrist, well known politicians and celebrities from football, theatre, prostitutes, dominatrix and other walks of life who may appear confident and full of ego and self esteem while on stage so to speak and then come to clinic in private many leading double lives as it were. Some went to a dominatrix to be beaten and humiliated because they felt they were ‘naughty little boys / girls, they needed to be punished for disobedience and not approved behaviour’ I have related some cases in my earlier Shack’s.  In world events just lately some countries are punishing others by sanctions while doing the same things to their own citizens, a classic case of denial and in a way punishing others for their own doings a classic case of projection.  After all we all need someone to blame, a scapegoat, a patsy, come on man its not me its them, that way one offloads the guilt or so one thinks by offloading the energy of self dissatisfaction for a while.

A very interesting patient was a very well known actor who came to the clinic and he related to me without shame that he went to a dominatrix and she sat on his face and smothered him with her bare buttocks and he nearly chokes and she gives a reward by either giving him a piece of cake which she puts in her anus and he has to get it out and eat with his tongue and mouth, then she makes him do oral sex on her vagina and the reward he drinks her urine, this when in forensic we were called to brothels was very common, believe me very, very common.

When it all came out in therapy he was loved in a strange way, his parents did not show much emotion and had relationship problems, however they agreed to stay together until his barmitzvah (Jewish boys initiation rite) and his parents had sexual stuff each blaming each other for some lack of affection and both had no interest in sex after marriage break up both were weak willed and suffered anxiety. When we looked and examined, I did not do analysis, I did a lot with images, feelings and drawings and a special kind of imagery, the images from them not from me, anyway he felt he was ignored, a no person, no one listened to him as a child or as an adult, even his co stars only worked with him because of his brilliant acting they ignored him after work and he had no friends, even in the street when people recognised him it was polite and he crept away. He felt he was a nothing, a no man and so he wanted to punish himself in a strange way; as I am nothing this is my life and he had a strange way, I do not want to commit suicide, or become a drug user, I want to prove I am nothing man and a waste of space, a non entity by letting a female sit on my face, blot me out, while she is watching TV and talking to someone on the phone, she is ignoring me and because this is my life and what I think of myself and am not worthy to have intercourse and impotent, I masturbate whilst she does her thing on me, I self approve of myself in this way. Believe me this was a mild case.

You perhaps begin to see the deception that all the while we live out these brain washed strategies, our inheritance which the world accepts, the culture, the superstitions, the religion, the culture, the politics, the media and the latest fads and fashions we are distracted from the real love, love becomes a commodity, a bartering, market place haggling, it becomes conditional, we always are demanding, pleading or just following the rule book, the rule book of approval which deceives us, a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

When an awakening happens that real love is not dependency on another, that has the manipulating ego bargaining chip and if the rules are not followed then anger, blame and even war can come about. How many celebrities who have million dollar income, fabulous houses and all the materiel attributes and when divorce comes about there has been murder, acrimonious behaviour, bitterness and all sorts.

Then perhaps one day whilst looking in the mirror in the bathroom or somewhere else one may look at this face and say who am I, this I know as me (name) what is this me beyond the face. All sorts of thoughts; am I handsome, do I look Arabic, Swedish, English, American, do I look Jewish, intelligent and so on.  Should one choose a label as I look Jewish, Christian, Arabic, America, ugly, handsome and so on, then one has to live to that image and that label and take on the laws and conditions. What if one cannot really make up one’s mind and becomes kind of mystified as to this face which changes over the years and questions the label and says what if I had chosen another label, what then?

This can lead one to the conclusion, I am just a set of labels, surely life is not just that, in a way I have been hoodwinked, deceived perhaps not unloving because my parents were hoodwinked and did not look deeply in the mirror, this is what my parents and grandparents and great grand parents passed down to me so can they have been deceived, when the answer may come as yes then one begins to see the fallacy of deceptions that has blinded the world for centuries.

What label is best? Well it’s one’s choice. Panic what is I if I am label- less or rather who am I? I am a nothing, not as the patient above, or although one may feel this for a while, but one realises I can live without the conditions that are demanded by society to get love by approval and is at best a compromise between supply and demand, a sort of trading affair and then what is real love and why do we crave it?

In that we are love and if we have no labels apart from everyday chores and travelling programmes what we fear as not having a definite modus operandi then we become an empty conch shell, perhaps simple and appearing moronic and yet taking this full realisation into effect by looking in the mirror and not be able to define oneself with any type of explanation or likeness or label, all one may be able to say that I am here and I am.

If one has to say I am a -------whatever and qualify it, define it, one is back into the label and labels have conditions and so the free I AM is then back in a straitjacket bound by the contract and especially the small print.  Can one live as I Am of course one’s job, marriage, hobbies and so on are not you, they are they are what you do not what you are. They are the furniture in the room not the space they are afforded.

When one can live as a plain I AM without conditions one is unlimited in many ways and finds that living naturally as I Am without forcing like ‘Hey man do you know I AM is me and play at it as another act, but know and only one can know this freedom is felt as joy, peace, happiness and the absence of fear, not needing approval nor love from someone or thing and then one is in the world but not of it and is content to be alone and not lonely and yet interacts in society but is not dependant on its approval, not shunning nor ignoring, socialising without demand or attachment, neither detached nor reliant, accepting help when needed and giving help where needed. Watch out for trying to act this mind by making it into a label, one cannot act it or make it a discipline one can only be it and others can tell.

SHACK

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