Many times I have
contemplated, ruminated and deeply thought about owning. In psychotherapy
owning, blaming and projecting are issues to be dealt with. The one I would
like to deal with now is ‘owning’ and in a particular way.
I firmly believe neither
by programming or brain washing nor by fear that there is a Supreme
Intelligence, a Divine Source in which everything moves, lives and has its
being. This Source has many names, Great Luminous Being, God Almighty, Father
–Mother God, Great White Spirit, The All and All, Great Source of Life and so
on.
To my present
understanding and a long held deep inner truth I know my dearest body is not
mine to own, it is not my property, I cannot hire it or lease it, mortgage it,
purchase it, I certainly can look after it and also destroy it, I can love it,
hate it, blame it and ignore it and just take it for granted. None of these actually sum up my deepest
feelings about it.
Dearest God Almighty my
body belongs to you, you own everything in the known creation and beyond, my
body is a gift from your love, compassion and Divine Creation of which it is a
part and what is outstanding and magnificent is that you have given this brain,
mind, this consciousness indwelling the body free will, I am not a robot to
your will only as far as the laws of treating this body through nature are
recommended for its well being and the only way I could pay you for its
creation and upkeep is gratitude not from fear of perishing and getting ill
with suffering and torment but by just the joy of life and living and knowing
and appreciating this and finding a deep love for you oh great one, just as a
child loves its parents, not because they feed and care for it but because of
their affection and kindness.
I am ashamed that I have
blamed you for my bad luck or the lack of it and realise now it is the
upbringing and my dearest parents emotions, beliefs and the paranoia of the
Jewish Religion, the chaos of world events and the horror of Forensics, the
pain of the many patients / clients in counselling and therapy and my own self
assumed philosophy, the years of working with the police and security forces,
the association with large institutions and political intrigue, the media and
popular idioms that have turned me away from deep surrender to you, not by your
punishment of not conforming to natural law and your guidance but by my own
ignorance that your way is best and you have only the best intentions for me
and your creation.
Forgive me Father-Mother
God, Great Cosmic Parent, I do know what I do, yet there is something in me that
rebels at complete voluntary surrender to your will, not a forceful will but a
gentle reminder by a deep whispering, the ‘silent voice’ more like a prompt
from a deep mysterious well within the depths of my being. How often when in
torment I have through fear turned and entered this well this deep and yet only
deep because of my habitual habits and patterns that cloud and obscure the
entry to this deep well of being which is fact not deep it is only obscured by
the clouds of ignorance which have been so indelibly ingrained in my mind which
is but a bunch of hard impacted thoughts which I have erroneously taken as
reality.
Father – Mother God how
many times have I come to this place and said the above so many times, when
will these clouds of ignorance be lifted, I seem powerless in my own will and I
somehow think that you will surrender my will for me. I know deep down you will
not punish me for my transgressions and yet all I can seem to do is by
meditation and awareness to gradually or hopefully suddenly see in absolute
depth that ‘never-the-less I will to your will’ and then I can love you wholeheartedly
as there is no more my will as a separate entity by we are one. We are bound in love and there is only that.
SHACK
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